"I've been meaning to tell you... Honest!"
Moderators: KimberlyS, Eileen (SO)
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Well, after reading the wonderful replies in this thread, I want to thank you all and I also want to confess. Although this subject is very dear to me, as someone who's always been upfront with my SOs, much of my thinking regarding this has been influenced lately by a few members here, on the forum. Free-range, one-on-one chats with some of the SOs and CDs have convinced me that this whole issue needs to be kept in focus.
So, to Kay:
You said, "this is soooo excellent, your intuitiveness (if that's a word) amazes me....I just feel inspired by the fact that you picked up on this and wrote about it!" Kay, my intuitiveness is rather the product of several private conversations with members of the forum who've provided me with the fuel for these posts. I know there's a reticence on the part of some members to make their voice heard in this regard, lest they anger or offend others by their desire to focus on more concrete relationship issues. Sometimes, these "real matters" have a way of stinging us and we'd thus rather not deal with them. Deal with them we must, though, and it irks me that, for fear of a backlash, the few dissenting voices we do have, here, are just a whisper short of making for good gadflies. I can't very well see the point of having SOs onboard if the SOs don't make their voices heard; if we CDs sometimes get lost in our own chatter, then someone--anyone--needs to redirect our attention to the original, perhaps too timidly expressed, question. Well, someone did, indeed, do this to me, and I'm very grateful to this person... because I do believe honesty to be a crucial matter in any relationship.
Which brings me to a point brought up by Jassmine in the topic entitled "Hurting the one you love." There, Jassmine says, "ok, I am going to be brutally honest, I am sorry if I offend anyone, I do not wish to. First, you cannot take responsibility for anothers feelings, period." I bring this up in a quote because it illustrates what I was referring to in the paragraph above; although Jassmine's voice rings clear and true (as does yours, Kay), the fact the she apologizes in advance for the way others may feel when hearing her views (this, despite her view that we musn't do this) is a sign, to me, that there are SOs here who believe that we CDs are unwilling (or, perhaps, unable) to openly consider those issues that matter most to the wives, partners, and girlfriends of crossdressers. (I know that Jassmine was addressing her comments to those SOs that feel betrayed, but they're just as valid in regard to those CDs petrified of the implications of being honest with their SO.) In a broader register, I need only look at what happened to Suuzin when she tried to voice her own anger to think there may be some truth to this.
I think it would be a shame for us--we, the CDs--to waste the golden opportunity we have, here (to understand how we can better relate to a mate), by not heeding, no, more, by not actively listening for, the often delicate (though sometimes roaring) voices of those GGs generous enough and gutsy enough to grace our forum with their presence. No, their voices aren't more important than ours... but they're equally important.
Anyway, this is just what's going around in this ol' heart of mine, these days. And this ol' heart is weary.
Love,
CJ
Well, after reading the wonderful replies in this thread, I want to thank you all and I also want to confess. Although this subject is very dear to me, as someone who's always been upfront with my SOs, much of my thinking regarding this has been influenced lately by a few members here, on the forum. Free-range, one-on-one chats with some of the SOs and CDs have convinced me that this whole issue needs to be kept in focus.
So, to Kay:
You said, "this is soooo excellent, your intuitiveness (if that's a word) amazes me....I just feel inspired by the fact that you picked up on this and wrote about it!" Kay, my intuitiveness is rather the product of several private conversations with members of the forum who've provided me with the fuel for these posts. I know there's a reticence on the part of some members to make their voice heard in this regard, lest they anger or offend others by their desire to focus on more concrete relationship issues. Sometimes, these "real matters" have a way of stinging us and we'd thus rather not deal with them. Deal with them we must, though, and it irks me that, for fear of a backlash, the few dissenting voices we do have, here, are just a whisper short of making for good gadflies. I can't very well see the point of having SOs onboard if the SOs don't make their voices heard; if we CDs sometimes get lost in our own chatter, then someone--anyone--needs to redirect our attention to the original, perhaps too timidly expressed, question. Well, someone did, indeed, do this to me, and I'm very grateful to this person... because I do believe honesty to be a crucial matter in any relationship.
Which brings me to a point brought up by Jassmine in the topic entitled "Hurting the one you love." There, Jassmine says, "ok, I am going to be brutally honest, I am sorry if I offend anyone, I do not wish to. First, you cannot take responsibility for anothers feelings, period." I bring this up in a quote because it illustrates what I was referring to in the paragraph above; although Jassmine's voice rings clear and true (as does yours, Kay), the fact the she apologizes in advance for the way others may feel when hearing her views (this, despite her view that we musn't do this) is a sign, to me, that there are SOs here who believe that we CDs are unwilling (or, perhaps, unable) to openly consider those issues that matter most to the wives, partners, and girlfriends of crossdressers. (I know that Jassmine was addressing her comments to those SOs that feel betrayed, but they're just as valid in regard to those CDs petrified of the implications of being honest with their SO.) In a broader register, I need only look at what happened to Suuzin when she tried to voice her own anger to think there may be some truth to this.
I think it would be a shame for us--we, the CDs--to waste the golden opportunity we have, here (to understand how we can better relate to a mate), by not heeding, no, more, by not actively listening for, the often delicate (though sometimes roaring) voices of those GGs generous enough and gutsy enough to grace our forum with their presence. No, their voices aren't more important than ours... but they're equally important.
Anyway, this is just what's going around in this ol' heart of mine, these days. And this ol' heart is weary.
Love,
CJ
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Marda
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 553
- Joined: Mon Jul 12, 2004 8:09 pm
- Location: Vancouver Canada
