I guess this is the appropriate place to post a message like this seeing as how “Do You Know How I Feel” is the category.
In a nutshell “How I feel” is sort of like being up against a brick wall. Allow me to explain . . . . . . .
For those of you who have read my bio on my web site, you are already pretty much aware of my situation. For those who haven’t here’s a brief summary.
My wife is non-accepting of my crossdressing in any shape, form, or fashion. Aside from that we usually are compatible and agreeable in every other way. We’ve been together for some 34 years now and it’s been the one and only marriage for the both of us. She has been aware that I was crossdressing for several years but elected to pretend that it didn’t exist (to a certain extent). In 2000 I finally had enough of the having to sneak around and make up stories every time I had dressed and I came out to her in an ‘official’ capacity. I presented her with tons of highly reputable and quality information in the form of documentation about crossdressing – what it WAS and even more importantly what it WASN’T. You would have thought that I’d slapped her in the face with a shovel when I tried to talk with her about it afterwards. Intimacy ceased immediately and has continued so through the current time. Although I know that crossdressing’s not a problem for ME, I offered to seek the aid of a therapist, counselor, minister, or even a psychiatrist on the condition that whoever I went to was experience in working with members of the TG community AND that she go along with me so she could her verbatim what was discussed and what was said. My reasoning for these conditions was that I was aware what would be said – namely that crossdressing is something that isn’t going to go away and the standard way of dealing with it is simply to learn to live and cope with it. I think that she was aware of this and since she was aware that she wouldn’t hear what she WANTED to hear (that it was “curable”), she flatly refused to have any part in it. Her statement was that it was MY problem – not hers.
Next I asked he if she would be willing to meet some other couples in which the husband was a crossdresser. This was also answered with a resounding “No” since she said that apparently “those people” liked it and saw nothing at all wrong with it. Finally I asked her if she would consider talking to some people on the net (in chat) or on the phone, who were in similar situations. This request was also denied immediately for the same reasoning already mentioned.
As it stands right now the only opportunity I have to dress is on the rare occasion when I’m either alone at home or out of town overnight on a business trip. Even then there is usually a ‘cat & mouse’ game since she is aware that I probably took advantage of the opportunity alone to dress. This is accompanied by a typical ‘coolness’ towards me like I’d really done something terribly bad and horribly wrong.
I find it to be somewhat of a cruel irony that I’ve seemed to be blessed with a ‘gift’ of helping so many other couples who have had issues when crossdressing became a part of their lives, wives who were distraught about it, and the CDs themselves who were having so much difficulty in accepting it themselves, and yet I can make no progress in my own situation. It sort of reminds me of “Physician, heal thyself”.
Refusal to talk to any professionals about it, or meet with other couples in similar situations, or talk/correspond with anyone on the net or via phone, I think you get my message. In short it’s like, “I know you’re going to do it and I’m going to try to figure out when you do so I can criticize you about it.” So my question to those in the group – especially you SO’s - who might happen to read this – is, where do I go from here?
Dixie
So, where do I go from here?
Moderators: KimberlyS, Eileen (SO)
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Dixie Darling
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2003 4:58 pm
- Location: Southeast United States
- Contact:
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Alexandra
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1149
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 8:27 pm
- Location: In Monolith We Trust
Dixie,
I'm hestitating to write this reply because I think one of the reasons Sharon and Shannon created this forum was to provide couples with a tool that will help resolve problems that arise from CD/TG issues.
On top of that, to even suggest that "throwing in the towel" might be an option for you is troublesome because making a statement like that could "send the wrong message" to couples new to CD/TG issues giving them the wrong impression "breaking up" is often the outcome of unresolved CD/TG issues.
If you've given it all and you're an emotional wreck and ready to throw in the towel, you've got my support.
However, I suspect you're not ready to give up, so let me suggest this: since you are in the "doghouse" anyway, why not just tell her you are going to CD on a regular basis (lets say Tuesday nights) and she has the option of partipicating but she CANNOT, on that night, criticize you.
If anybody disagrees with me, please post your views!!! Dixie needs to hear from all sides on this delicate situation.
I'm hestitating to write this reply because I think one of the reasons Sharon and Shannon created this forum was to provide couples with a tool that will help resolve problems that arise from CD/TG issues.
On top of that, to even suggest that "throwing in the towel" might be an option for you is troublesome because making a statement like that could "send the wrong message" to couples new to CD/TG issues giving them the wrong impression "breaking up" is often the outcome of unresolved CD/TG issues.
If you've given it all and you're an emotional wreck and ready to throw in the towel, you've got my support.
However, I suspect you're not ready to give up, so let me suggest this: since you are in the "doghouse" anyway, why not just tell her you are going to CD on a regular basis (lets say Tuesday nights) and she has the option of partipicating but she CANNOT, on that night, criticize you.
If anybody disagrees with me, please post your views!!! Dixie needs to hear from all sides on this delicate situation.
Alexandra
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi Dixie,
Hmmm. It's a tough situation you're in, no doubt about that. And I mean both you and your wife. My gut reaction is that you must respect her limits. There are many people who just can't handle this--and they're perfectly entitled to their views as well as to the integrity of their psychological and emotional space. On the other hand, Dixie, you're not an exception to this "rule": if you feel limited by the views of a loved one and feel that your own integrity is being threatened, then you suffer no less than she does regarding this. Her refusal to take the issue outside of your private lives has led the both of you to an impasse. Indeed, where do you go from here?
I've always told my SOs about my crossdressing, but have been fortunate in never having had to face outright rejection. So, I'm not sure I qualify as the best person to suggest a possible course of action here. But I'll try anyway. As one human being to another.
You and your wife have built a life together. Thirty-four years. If your marriage is a typical one, you've both become intimately familiar with each other's beings. Or so she thought. Three years ago, you "officially" came out to her (and a very risky and courageous act it was on your part, one that you seem to have had well prepared yourself for) with, unfortunately, negative consequences. That, indeed, was the risky part, one that you were probably well aware of before taking such a momentous decision. Now, put yourself in her shoes, and think about this for a second from her point of view. The comfort, the security, the peace (things everyone craves) she may have felt in her relationship with you over the many years of your marriage turn out, in a flash, to have been all illusions. This is more than just a body blow, Dixie. It has shaken her to the very foundations of her being, as both a woman and a wife. She probably now has to deal often with stressful emotions: anger, anxiety, fear, a sense of profound betrayal, sorrow, self-doubt, denial, and remorse. The question is, is her love for, and committment to, you strong enough to overcome these negative feelings, without any kind of outside intervention? And, no less importantly, is your love for, and committment to, her strong enough to have you wish to continue your life together despite her being unwilling (or unable) to accept so fundamental an aspect of who you are? These are serious and troubling questions, ones that you should explore together. Just the two of you. Set aside the mundane aspects of crossdressing (even though they may seem to be the principal cause of your troubles) for the moment and try to see whether or not the love you have for each other can help you both weather this storm and head for sunnier climes. I guess what I'm trying to say here is, communicate! Without love there can be no communication and, without communication, there can be no understanding. Make sure that she understands the turmoil you went through in order to reveal this part of yourself to her. Explain to her how you believe that, ultimately, this self-revelation will lead to the possibility of a true intimacy with her, even after 30 some odd years of "hiddenness." By the same token, make every effort to invite her to share how she feels about the whole thing. Even the criticisms. Don't censor her; she probably needs to unburden herself as much as you did. Listen to her respectfully and with compassion. Let the "Dixie" in you be attentive to what your wife is truly saying, no matter how crookedly it may come out of her mouth. Remember, she's also in pain. Share this moment with her and then reassure her that you love her and need her. Avoid recriminations. They lead to closed doors. Be open, honest, and genuinely sollicitous of her wants and needs. Perhaps, with time, she may want to open herself up to you again. But it's a long, hard road ahead, for sure. I wish you both luck, strength, courage, and steadfastness. And, here, I have a little extra love I keep on the side here for just such occasions. Let me give it to you both.
Love,
CJ
Hmmm. It's a tough situation you're in, no doubt about that. And I mean both you and your wife. My gut reaction is that you must respect her limits. There are many people who just can't handle this--and they're perfectly entitled to their views as well as to the integrity of their psychological and emotional space. On the other hand, Dixie, you're not an exception to this "rule": if you feel limited by the views of a loved one and feel that your own integrity is being threatened, then you suffer no less than she does regarding this. Her refusal to take the issue outside of your private lives has led the both of you to an impasse. Indeed, where do you go from here?
I've always told my SOs about my crossdressing, but have been fortunate in never having had to face outright rejection. So, I'm not sure I qualify as the best person to suggest a possible course of action here. But I'll try anyway. As one human being to another.
You and your wife have built a life together. Thirty-four years. If your marriage is a typical one, you've both become intimately familiar with each other's beings. Or so she thought. Three years ago, you "officially" came out to her (and a very risky and courageous act it was on your part, one that you seem to have had well prepared yourself for) with, unfortunately, negative consequences. That, indeed, was the risky part, one that you were probably well aware of before taking such a momentous decision. Now, put yourself in her shoes, and think about this for a second from her point of view. The comfort, the security, the peace (things everyone craves) she may have felt in her relationship with you over the many years of your marriage turn out, in a flash, to have been all illusions. This is more than just a body blow, Dixie. It has shaken her to the very foundations of her being, as both a woman and a wife. She probably now has to deal often with stressful emotions: anger, anxiety, fear, a sense of profound betrayal, sorrow, self-doubt, denial, and remorse. The question is, is her love for, and committment to, you strong enough to overcome these negative feelings, without any kind of outside intervention? And, no less importantly, is your love for, and committment to, her strong enough to have you wish to continue your life together despite her being unwilling (or unable) to accept so fundamental an aspect of who you are? These are serious and troubling questions, ones that you should explore together. Just the two of you. Set aside the mundane aspects of crossdressing (even though they may seem to be the principal cause of your troubles) for the moment and try to see whether or not the love you have for each other can help you both weather this storm and head for sunnier climes. I guess what I'm trying to say here is, communicate! Without love there can be no communication and, without communication, there can be no understanding. Make sure that she understands the turmoil you went through in order to reveal this part of yourself to her. Explain to her how you believe that, ultimately, this self-revelation will lead to the possibility of a true intimacy with her, even after 30 some odd years of "hiddenness." By the same token, make every effort to invite her to share how she feels about the whole thing. Even the criticisms. Don't censor her; she probably needs to unburden herself as much as you did. Listen to her respectfully and with compassion. Let the "Dixie" in you be attentive to what your wife is truly saying, no matter how crookedly it may come out of her mouth. Remember, she's also in pain. Share this moment with her and then reassure her that you love her and need her. Avoid recriminations. They lead to closed doors. Be open, honest, and genuinely sollicitous of her wants and needs. Perhaps, with time, she may want to open herself up to you again. But it's a long, hard road ahead, for sure. I wish you both luck, strength, courage, and steadfastness. And, here, I have a little extra love I keep on the side here for just such occasions. Let me give it to you both.
Love,
CJ
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Dixie Darling
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2003 4:58 pm
- Location: Southeast United States
- Contact:
Reply to CJ
Hi CJ,
I sincerely appreciate your reply and thought I should respond to it to further clarify things somewhat.
For beginners, the knowledge that I was a crossdresser was not anything new to her. She’s known about it since about a year or two after we married. Back then the word ‘crossdresser’ was yet to be coined or utilized as a term to describe one who dressed in the clothes of the opposite sex. The word ‘transvestite’ (which she as often used to refer to it) was about the only terminology available to define the phenomenon and very little existed then in the way of information. “Transvestites” were erroneously seen by society as being sick and/or perverted as were many others along the transgendered spectrum. Since she (like too many others) accepted without question this warped view and definition of what a crossdresser truly was she built upon that position over the years. This, along with her deep south upbringing, only served to further reinforce her beliefs that (as she has often put it) “It’s just plain weird’.
As I said in my original post, she’s known about this for most of the years we’ve been married so it’s not like it’s a brand new revelation to her. There has always been a sort of an unwritten ‘code’ that it wasn’t talked about which I sometimes have referred to as the Clinton policy (“Don’t ask – Don’t tell”). As most CDs do when they begin using makeup – especially eye makeup – I wasn’t always careful about making sure that it was ALL removed when I would clean myself up after dressing. If there was the slightest hint of a trace of anything left she would always notice it and this would bring on the typical accusations, insults, slurs, followed by the cold shoulder routine for a few days.
At one point in the 70’s I happened across an ad for Virginia Prince’s book “The Transvestite And His Wife.” Thinking that this was an answer to my prayers I ordered a copy and read it from cover to cover two or three times drinking in the information in contained. At LAST here was some hard evidence that I wasn’t alone in my desire to dress enfemme and there was documentation in the form of surveys and such to back it up. I showed the book to my wife who immediately ‘fanned’ through it and handed it back to me with the statement to the effect that it was just so much foolishness. Well, so much for THAT idea.
Along came the 90’s and with it the birth of the internet as we know it. As any self-respecting CD would do I explored what was available via the net and although there were a lot of sleazy sites, there were also a lot of sites with solid CLEAN, and reputable information about transvestism. It was along about this time that the word ‘crossdresser’ came into vogue which also provided even more avenues of exploration on the net and elsewhere. “Femmophile was also found to be a word that was sometimes used to describe CDs and that provided yet another keyword for searches.
As any of us know, the more we read about crossdressing the more we learn and the more we TRY to learn. I was no different in this respect and I dare say that within a year or two I was a virtual walking encyclopedia when it came to the subject. Meanwhile, my job functions had changed to one which required some overnight (sometimes several nights) of travel away from home. This provided me the opportunity to dress without having to be on edge like a wary animal who is constantly on the lookout for predators. With the knowledge I had secured about it, I finally accepted the fact that I was a crossdresser and THAT wasn’t going to change. I became comfortable with that and at peace within because of it.
The “fly in the ointment” was the lack of acceptance from the wife and her attitude about it. Each time I was required to stay out of town I would be faced with ‘the inspection’ upon my return and then the cutting remarks. I knew that sooner or later this was going to come to a head like a boil and there was going to be a confrontation of some kind so I decided to try once more to do something positive about it. It took me over two years to secure a virtual book full of up to date quality and reputable information and assemble it for presentation to the wife. When the appropriate time seemed to have arrived I did just that and came out to her in an ‘official’ capacity. In other words I just finally admitted to what we’d both known all along – that I was a crossdresser. The fact that I’d been one all along seemed irrelevant to her. Now I had ADMITTED it and given her a ton of information about it. Her immediate reaction was one of disgust with me and a reaffirmation that she STILL considered it to be a deviant and unacceptable behavior. No matter how much documented evidence I provided for her she has remained steadfast in her attitude towards it. When irritated she will use it much like a ‘weapon’ against me – especially when we get into an argument about something which usually has nothing at all to do with crossdressing. I just seems to be the most convenient thing available to her and she is very aware that it’s a sensitive issue.
Oddly enough, as I said before, I have had a lot of success in helping OTHERS through my web site, but have thus far had little success in my own situation. I’ve come to believe that crossdressing, at least for me and from my perspective, is actually a gift. Admittedly it’s an odd one, but I’ve seen a lot of good come from my helping distraught wives/girlfriends and even the CDs themselves. It’s almost like a therapy of sorts to me when I know I’ve been able to provide a little understanding and encouragement to those who need it.
Since that time there have been a FEW times when we’ve had some almost calm discussions about it. These are usually very short in duration and as a rule don’t change her outlook or opinions at all. I’ve almost come to the conclusion that God’s going to have to step in and change her heart’s outlook about it if there’s ever going to be any change at all. Like I said, efforts to get her to talk to any professional people or couples in similar situations have been met with immediate rejections.
Sorry, this was so long, CJ, but I did want to try to respond to your reply and fill you in on more of the details than you had to begin with. Even so I’ve still omitted a lot that I figured wasn’t relevant. I do want to thank you again for your reply. It’s from the heart and that means a lot.
Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd
I sincerely appreciate your reply and thought I should respond to it to further clarify things somewhat.
For beginners, the knowledge that I was a crossdresser was not anything new to her. She’s known about it since about a year or two after we married. Back then the word ‘crossdresser’ was yet to be coined or utilized as a term to describe one who dressed in the clothes of the opposite sex. The word ‘transvestite’ (which she as often used to refer to it) was about the only terminology available to define the phenomenon and very little existed then in the way of information. “Transvestites” were erroneously seen by society as being sick and/or perverted as were many others along the transgendered spectrum. Since she (like too many others) accepted without question this warped view and definition of what a crossdresser truly was she built upon that position over the years. This, along with her deep south upbringing, only served to further reinforce her beliefs that (as she has often put it) “It’s just plain weird’.
As I said in my original post, she’s known about this for most of the years we’ve been married so it’s not like it’s a brand new revelation to her. There has always been a sort of an unwritten ‘code’ that it wasn’t talked about which I sometimes have referred to as the Clinton policy (“Don’t ask – Don’t tell”). As most CDs do when they begin using makeup – especially eye makeup – I wasn’t always careful about making sure that it was ALL removed when I would clean myself up after dressing. If there was the slightest hint of a trace of anything left she would always notice it and this would bring on the typical accusations, insults, slurs, followed by the cold shoulder routine for a few days.
At one point in the 70’s I happened across an ad for Virginia Prince’s book “The Transvestite And His Wife.” Thinking that this was an answer to my prayers I ordered a copy and read it from cover to cover two or three times drinking in the information in contained. At LAST here was some hard evidence that I wasn’t alone in my desire to dress enfemme and there was documentation in the form of surveys and such to back it up. I showed the book to my wife who immediately ‘fanned’ through it and handed it back to me with the statement to the effect that it was just so much foolishness. Well, so much for THAT idea.
Along came the 90’s and with it the birth of the internet as we know it. As any self-respecting CD would do I explored what was available via the net and although there were a lot of sleazy sites, there were also a lot of sites with solid CLEAN, and reputable information about transvestism. It was along about this time that the word ‘crossdresser’ came into vogue which also provided even more avenues of exploration on the net and elsewhere. “Femmophile was also found to be a word that was sometimes used to describe CDs and that provided yet another keyword for searches.
As any of us know, the more we read about crossdressing the more we learn and the more we TRY to learn. I was no different in this respect and I dare say that within a year or two I was a virtual walking encyclopedia when it came to the subject. Meanwhile, my job functions had changed to one which required some overnight (sometimes several nights) of travel away from home. This provided me the opportunity to dress without having to be on edge like a wary animal who is constantly on the lookout for predators. With the knowledge I had secured about it, I finally accepted the fact that I was a crossdresser and THAT wasn’t going to change. I became comfortable with that and at peace within because of it.
The “fly in the ointment” was the lack of acceptance from the wife and her attitude about it. Each time I was required to stay out of town I would be faced with ‘the inspection’ upon my return and then the cutting remarks. I knew that sooner or later this was going to come to a head like a boil and there was going to be a confrontation of some kind so I decided to try once more to do something positive about it. It took me over two years to secure a virtual book full of up to date quality and reputable information and assemble it for presentation to the wife. When the appropriate time seemed to have arrived I did just that and came out to her in an ‘official’ capacity. In other words I just finally admitted to what we’d both known all along – that I was a crossdresser. The fact that I’d been one all along seemed irrelevant to her. Now I had ADMITTED it and given her a ton of information about it. Her immediate reaction was one of disgust with me and a reaffirmation that she STILL considered it to be a deviant and unacceptable behavior. No matter how much documented evidence I provided for her she has remained steadfast in her attitude towards it. When irritated she will use it much like a ‘weapon’ against me – especially when we get into an argument about something which usually has nothing at all to do with crossdressing. I just seems to be the most convenient thing available to her and she is very aware that it’s a sensitive issue.
Oddly enough, as I said before, I have had a lot of success in helping OTHERS through my web site, but have thus far had little success in my own situation. I’ve come to believe that crossdressing, at least for me and from my perspective, is actually a gift. Admittedly it’s an odd one, but I’ve seen a lot of good come from my helping distraught wives/girlfriends and even the CDs themselves. It’s almost like a therapy of sorts to me when I know I’ve been able to provide a little understanding and encouragement to those who need it.
Since that time there have been a FEW times when we’ve had some almost calm discussions about it. These are usually very short in duration and as a rule don’t change her outlook or opinions at all. I’ve almost come to the conclusion that God’s going to have to step in and change her heart’s outlook about it if there’s ever going to be any change at all. Like I said, efforts to get her to talk to any professional people or couples in similar situations have been met with immediate rejections.
Sorry, this was so long, CJ, but I did want to try to respond to your reply and fill you in on more of the details than you had to begin with. Even so I’ve still omitted a lot that I figured wasn’t relevant. I do want to thank you again for your reply. It’s from the heart and that means a lot.
Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi Dixie,
Thanks and you're very welcome. I did reply from the heart. I just wish that I could offer you something concrete, "from my head," so to speak. But I've never been in your situation. To be honest here, I hope I never will. I really don't know what I'd do. I can only repeat (but, this time, in your own words--love the GRITS acronym, by the way
) something I wrote in my previous post:
>In summary what I'm trying to say here is to be considerate of her feelings and emotions. If you love your wife/girlfriend and you value your relationship don't try to force something on her that she's not ready to accept or agree to. If she sees that you are genuinely concerned about her apprehensions it will go a long way towards the two of you coming to some mutual agreements.<
Words to live by, no doubt. Alexandra has an interesting possible solution in her post on your situation. Do you think something like that would be possible? or even desirable? Otherwise, just as Alexandra does, I think it may be time for you to consider whether or not you and your wife are facing irreconcilable differences. It's not a pleasant thought and nobody goes down that road gaily. However, the alternative is to remain in a relationship that makes neither one of you happy and fulfilled--something that's equally unpalatable. The question then becomes, "Which of these two distasteful alternatives stands the chance to wreak the least emotional and psychological damage to both you and your wife?" You are the only ones in a position to answer that .
I want you to know, Dixie, that I'm also a little bit hesitant to offer advice and suggestions concerning your situation. For pretty much the same reasons as Alexandra's. Plus, I have absolutely no qualifications nor credentials as a marriage counsellor (I've never been married myself, to boot!). However, I feel that, as a human being, I have to try, and with whatever wisdom I may have, to help a sister in need. So please, take whatever is offered in these posts in that spirit. Again, I wish you both the best possible solution for this conundrum. :|
Love,
CJ
Thanks and you're very welcome. I did reply from the heart. I just wish that I could offer you something concrete, "from my head," so to speak. But I've never been in your situation. To be honest here, I hope I never will. I really don't know what I'd do. I can only repeat (but, this time, in your own words--love the GRITS acronym, by the way
) something I wrote in my previous post:>In summary what I'm trying to say here is to be considerate of her feelings and emotions. If you love your wife/girlfriend and you value your relationship don't try to force something on her that she's not ready to accept or agree to. If she sees that you are genuinely concerned about her apprehensions it will go a long way towards the two of you coming to some mutual agreements.<
Words to live by, no doubt. Alexandra has an interesting possible solution in her post on your situation. Do you think something like that would be possible? or even desirable? Otherwise, just as Alexandra does, I think it may be time for you to consider whether or not you and your wife are facing irreconcilable differences. It's not a pleasant thought and nobody goes down that road gaily. However, the alternative is to remain in a relationship that makes neither one of you happy and fulfilled--something that's equally unpalatable. The question then becomes, "Which of these two distasteful alternatives stands the chance to wreak the least emotional and psychological damage to both you and your wife?" You are the only ones in a position to answer that .
I want you to know, Dixie, that I'm also a little bit hesitant to offer advice and suggestions concerning your situation. For pretty much the same reasons as Alexandra's. Plus, I have absolutely no qualifications nor credentials as a marriage counsellor (I've never been married myself, to boot!). However, I feel that, as a human being, I have to try, and with whatever wisdom I may have, to help a sister in need. So please, take whatever is offered in these posts in that spirit. Again, I wish you both the best possible solution for this conundrum. :|
Love,
CJ
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Shannon
- Founding Member
- Posts: 210
- Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2003 6:42 pm
- Location: Houston, TX
Dixie,
Boy what a situation you have, I truely feel for you and your wife.... It can not be easy for either of you, which I guess is what leeds me to my opinion.... and remember opinions are like butt holes, everybody has one...
It just doesn't sound like a good situation for either. I totally agree with what Sharon(SO) and Alexandra said above.... I think it is time for your wife to make a move.... In one direction or the other.
You have been totally open, helpful and understanding... You have tried to help her understand and from what you have said she is not even willing to attempt to understand you.
I am curious about one thing.... have you ever asked your wife "Why she stays with you?"... you states she is really bothered by this aspect of you and doesn't want it to be there.... but she also should be aware that it will always be there... so "why" does she stay....
Geeze I don't know what to say..... I just think two people apart and happy is better that two people together and miserable...
Ofcourse this is just totally for you and your wife to decide.....I am just speaking for how I would feel....
Boy what a situation you have, I truely feel for you and your wife.... It can not be easy for either of you, which I guess is what leeds me to my opinion.... and remember opinions are like butt holes, everybody has one...
It just doesn't sound like a good situation for either. I totally agree with what Sharon(SO) and Alexandra said above.... I think it is time for your wife to make a move.... In one direction or the other.
You have been totally open, helpful and understanding... You have tried to help her understand and from what you have said she is not even willing to attempt to understand you.
I am curious about one thing.... have you ever asked your wife "Why she stays with you?"... you states she is really bothered by this aspect of you and doesn't want it to be there.... but she also should be aware that it will always be there... so "why" does she stay....
Geeze I don't know what to say..... I just think two people apart and happy is better that two people together and miserable...
Ofcourse this is just totally for you and your wife to decide.....I am just speaking for how I would feel....
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Dixie Darling
- Miss Sapphire Goddess
- Posts: 92
- Joined: Sat Nov 08, 2003 4:58 pm
- Location: Southeast United States
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Shannon,
Why she stays with me (or me with her)? Good question, but when you've been together as long as we have and raised a family (the kids have long since 'left the nest') it's just gut renching to think of throwing it all away and starting everything all over. Like I said, we get along very well in all aspects of our lives EXCEPT when it comes to crossdressing. I think at one time she really believed that if she just ignored it long enough it would finally just go away, but I think that the realization now that something like that's not going to happen has really set in. And that realization is really workoing on her. There are times when I think I can see a slight decrease in her hostile attitude, but this most often is short lived and soon things are right back where they were. She's suspicious about who I talk to on the net and what it is that we talk about. Oh, it's not like she doesn't know that I'm talking with someone about some aspect of crossdressing, but it's her attitude about it. Funny, but like I said I've had great success in helping others, but not much at all in helping myself. But I do believe that there is a 'reward' down the road somewhere for me for the help I've provided for these other folks and maybe. . . . . JUST maybe that will come in a revelation in her and subsequently some degree of acceptance - even if it's only a measure of tolerance in some form.
And for those of you who might read this who HAVE that acceptance, never let a day go by that you don't express your appreciation for the gift that wife or girlfriend has so unselfishly given you. Treasure her, for she truly deserves it.
Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd
Why she stays with me (or me with her)? Good question, but when you've been together as long as we have and raised a family (the kids have long since 'left the nest') it's just gut renching to think of throwing it all away and starting everything all over. Like I said, we get along very well in all aspects of our lives EXCEPT when it comes to crossdressing. I think at one time she really believed that if she just ignored it long enough it would finally just go away, but I think that the realization now that something like that's not going to happen has really set in. And that realization is really workoing on her. There are times when I think I can see a slight decrease in her hostile attitude, but this most often is short lived and soon things are right back where they were. She's suspicious about who I talk to on the net and what it is that we talk about. Oh, it's not like she doesn't know that I'm talking with someone about some aspect of crossdressing, but it's her attitude about it. Funny, but like I said I've had great success in helping others, but not much at all in helping myself. But I do believe that there is a 'reward' down the road somewhere for me for the help I've provided for these other folks and maybe. . . . . JUST maybe that will come in a revelation in her and subsequently some degree of acceptance - even if it's only a measure of tolerance in some form.
And for those of you who might read this who HAVE that acceptance, never let a day go by that you don't express your appreciation for the gift that wife or girlfriend has so unselfishly given you. Treasure her, for she truly deserves it.
Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd
"If you're going to LOOK like a lady, then ACT like one too!"