Hello everyone.
I know that I dont post often anymore and I apoligize.
I am now 11 days from my 18th birthday, and I am terrorified.
I have done alot of sorting of my life in the last couple of years and I have come to see that I am not a crossdresser, for me the issue is alot deeper.
I recently became 110% sure that I am female inside.
Thats what makes this birthday so big.
Very soon I have my first doctors appointment with a doctor that specializes in this.
I have been talking to a councillor as well and its seems as if she agrees completly with my reasons and my need for this.
None of this takes away from how scary it truely is.
I still have 6 months before I leave home but even then as of the 1st I am on shaky ground.
It is scarying me lifeless. I know I have to take my first steps from childhood to womanhood.
Recently I have decided to tell my friends the truth. I told each friend in the way I saw fit and all accepted me, or so they said.
Many find it very uncomfortable to be around me especially when my feminine side shows.
I have yet to tell my parents or my brother. I know they will never accept me.
It hurts yes but it doesnt hurt as much as it scares me.
I have hid my life for 18 years and now, to them, I am changing suddenly. I dont expect their support.
I have researched for so long longing for this birthday now it is days away and I'm terrified.
I dont know what to do. I dont know where to turn. All I have are the strings of my soul that I finally sorted out.
I know this should be a joyous occation, the coming of age, but that is yet to come for me. This is the beginning of a new life, a new me.
I am glad it arrived at long last but this first step is the hardest.
Thank you everyone that helped me along the way from this forum.
I am greatful to know you all.
I hope that I have your support through this time.
With love,
Stephanie.
Big Birthday..
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Stephanie Higgins
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 147
- Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2003 2:03 am
- Location: Canada
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KathyB
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DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
- Posts: 8222
- Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2004 11:04 am
- Location: No. Virginia
Hi Stephanie,
Yes, a big birthday indeed. When you become an adult. And being trans also, a few tough decisions.
I know of a number of Tgirls who have found getting work during transition extremely difficult if they were not already employed or lost their jobs. This is despite some of the anti-discrimination policies that would hopefully protect them. And most places do not have such policies.
It helps to gain employment with a company that does have such policies, and then transition. I don't know Canada's policies, but I'll bet it's still not easy to get employment while transitioning. A good education goes a long way in this regard.
Trying to do it on your own, which is what your post sounds like to me, could be extremely hard, if you are not financially sound. I hope you've prepared for the financial hardships. If not, then I suggest waiting until you have graduated college and secured a good job. It may seem like a long wait, but time can fly by if you don't think about it.
As for your parents, are you just guessing at how they will respond? How is your current relationship with them, any closeness? Able to talk about things?
You'll probably need emotional support when you decide to transition. A lot of Tgirls simply just can't handle the isolation they put themselves through by thinking they cannot turn to their parents. Granted a number of parents can not or will not try to understand, yet a number really do care. Even some who their children would have bet a million dollars they would never accept it.
So, don't cut yourself off from them based on perceived notions.
If you can't talk to them now, then I suggest waiting to transition until you can. When you know you can support yourself in the real world.
Too many times do I hear of Tgirls going on hormones, for example, only to find they can't find work, and can't afford to fully transition. Some can't handle it, and commit suicide. Some decide to sell themselves for sex, and some of these wind up dead, or unable to get out of the sex game.
Well, I could go on and on, but you get the idea. There's a lot more to preparing for transitioning than making the decision that this is what you need to do.
Good luck, and try to make this birthday a happy one.
I reckon you can tell I'm a parent.
Yes, a big birthday indeed. When you become an adult. And being trans also, a few tough decisions.
I know of a number of Tgirls who have found getting work during transition extremely difficult if they were not already employed or lost their jobs. This is despite some of the anti-discrimination policies that would hopefully protect them. And most places do not have such policies.
It helps to gain employment with a company that does have such policies, and then transition. I don't know Canada's policies, but I'll bet it's still not easy to get employment while transitioning. A good education goes a long way in this regard.
Trying to do it on your own, which is what your post sounds like to me, could be extremely hard, if you are not financially sound. I hope you've prepared for the financial hardships. If not, then I suggest waiting until you have graduated college and secured a good job. It may seem like a long wait, but time can fly by if you don't think about it.
As for your parents, are you just guessing at how they will respond? How is your current relationship with them, any closeness? Able to talk about things?
You'll probably need emotional support when you decide to transition. A lot of Tgirls simply just can't handle the isolation they put themselves through by thinking they cannot turn to their parents. Granted a number of parents can not or will not try to understand, yet a number really do care. Even some who their children would have bet a million dollars they would never accept it.
So, don't cut yourself off from them based on perceived notions.
If you can't talk to them now, then I suggest waiting to transition until you can. When you know you can support yourself in the real world.
Too many times do I hear of Tgirls going on hormones, for example, only to find they can't find work, and can't afford to fully transition. Some can't handle it, and commit suicide. Some decide to sell themselves for sex, and some of these wind up dead, or unable to get out of the sex game.
Well, I could go on and on, but you get the idea. There's a lot more to preparing for transitioning than making the decision that this is what you need to do.
Good luck, and try to make this birthday a happy one.
I reckon you can tell I'm a parent.
DonnaT
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Stephanie Higgins
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 147
- Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2003 2:03 am
- Location: Canada
Thanks for the support and Donna...
I know that my father wont accept it. I am his first son and he hates people that are gay and hates Tgirls. He literally throws things at the TV when something like that comes on.
My mother seems to accept it alright and I know I can rely on her for support.
As for money I am quite well off in that respect ^^; I have enough money in my account to pay 4 years of tution and for transitioning with alittle to spare. And I may still get a schorlarship.
Thank you for your worries and as a note I would love to have a father like you.
If you are still worried about me feel free to email me ^^
With love,
Stephanie.
I know that my father wont accept it. I am his first son and he hates people that are gay and hates Tgirls. He literally throws things at the TV when something like that comes on.
My mother seems to accept it alright and I know I can rely on her for support.
As for money I am quite well off in that respect ^^; I have enough money in my account to pay 4 years of tution and for transitioning with alittle to spare. And I may still get a schorlarship.
Thank you for your worries and as a note I would love to have a father like you.
If you are still worried about me feel free to email me ^^
With love,
Stephanie.