What the heck is so great about crying, anyway?

[Terri(SO)]

I have often read that CDs equate the gentleness and sensitivity of women with the ability to cry. Crying stinks!

I've been in a deep dark funk for about a week. I've cried more over the past five days than I had for a good six months before. I'm starting to feel somewhat better now and even through the worst of it I was able to count my many blessings but my point is crying stinks! It makes your head hurt, your stomach churn and your eyes itchy and swollen.

I wish people would not romanticize crying. I would so rather be able to NOT cry! If you are able to not cry, don't.

[DonnaT]

I reckon it depends on what one is crying about.

Crying is usually an emotional release. Some guys who don't cry find other ways to release that emotion, some of which may be by way of anger or violence, and I'd rather see the crying.

It's a basic human instinct, why deny one's self such a basic part of human nature.

I'm sorry to hear you've been crying so much recently Terri. Care to talk about why?

[Sally]

Hi Terri,

I’m really very sorry that you’ve had something happen in your life which made you feel so down, upset or however, and hopefully things are better now.

Yes, I agree with you that, that type of crying really sucks, because it’s usually related to some unpleasant event occurring in our lives, but maybe its’ natures way of speeding up the healing process and allowing us to get on top of things again. I’d guess it was something which was really hard for you to cope with, but remember, after every storm the sun always shines again.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[Virginia]

Dear Terri,
I hope you are feeling better. You know as my sisters have said and I know that you know, crying is a feminine form of release. Girls don't go around punching holes in walls or throwing things for no apparant reason. girls have other forms of "release" but crying is what seems to be the primary way and yes the itchy, swollen eyes and the pain in the stomach all come with the territory. Broken hands from punching a wall and hitting a stud instead of drywall -- well guys are just luckier in that respect - not!
I also agree with Donna, since Virginia has become such an integral part of my life, I cry at the darnest things and it does not take much! Someone mentioned "Field of Dreams" I cry at several places in that movie. If a movie makes me cry, first I am enjoying it and I am paying attention to it and I seem to always feel better afterward.
This forum, I can not even begin to count the posts that I have read that have left me balling like a baby at both the good and the bad that my sisters have experienced! I have gotten to the point where I accept it as just what Virginia does and she is intouch with herself and it just happens!
Personally, I think it is a good thing!
Love ya,
Virginia

[CJ]

Hi all,

Crying (or the ability to cry) is something we all do (or possess); it isn't just a feminine thing. Men are better at holding it back because they've been socialized that way ("Be strong; don't cry!"... as if crying were a sign of weakness rather than of emotional "connectedness" or "groundedness.")

Crying is a release. A release of pent-up feelings--feelings of sorrow, of fear, of anxiety, of joy and happiness, even. No, not everybody "knows" how to cry, but knowing how to cry is a valuable tool in the maintenance of good mental health. Admittedly, it's only one tool amongst many.

Terri,

I'm sorry to hear you've been in such a funk. I wish I'd been a little more present; we could've talked for a spell. I hope you're feeling a bit better.

Love,
CJ

[Terri(SO)]

Thanks so much for your support!
Thing is there was nothing really wrong. My life is good for the most part. Of course there are stressors, but I really have no right to be sad or angry. And yes, I was feeling angry too, crying doesn't remove those feelings. I didn't hit any drywall with my fist but I sure slammed a few drawers and doors. My problem, it seems, is that I am at the mercy of those lovely hormones (evil little buggers!) that so many TG desire to experience coursing through their veins. Why is a mystery to me.

Crying has never been a release for me. I can't ever remember having a "good cry". Oh well, I guess its just me then.

[CJ]

Terri wrote: I can't ever remember having a "good cry".

Yes, well, I can't ever remember hitting a drywall with my fist, so, in a way, that puts the both of us in a similar boat, Terri. What that boat is, I have no clue, though.

Love,
CJ

[Stephanie W]

Terri

Crying is nothing to be ashamed of but I do understand if it's for reasons that have caused you to be hurt or angry. We all have our own way of releasing that pent up emotion and better a few tears (and swollen itchy eyes) than doing something to aggravate that anger or an already bad situation.

Coincidentally, I'm experiencing those swollen eyes right now having had my first good cry in a long time this evening, watching the movie "A Walk To Remember". But that's a 'good' cry so it's not all bad because emotions can touch us in all kinds of ways and our mood can greatly affect how we respond to those emotions.

I hope you're feeling better now though. Here's something to cheer you up.

Stephanie

[Terri(SO)]

Thanks so very much for all your kind words and support (and flowers )! Yes, I am back to my "normal" self again. Even when I'm feeling fine I'd rather not cry about anything (happy or sad) tho.

[Absaroka]

In my teens it was made pretty clear that boys don't cry. Period. Unless someone dies or something anyway.

Then in my 20s in college I was told it's okay for men to cry. And as I became more comfortable and accepting of myself I found that I did cry now and then. Sort of kept wondering if I was doing it right though.

Onto my late 20's. I'd had a couple of pretty abusive relationships with some very disturbed women. And by the way when it comes to gnetleness and sensitivity although they were easily hurt there was nothing gentle or sensitive about these ladies believe me. One of them I found to be truly frightening; she had a real vengeful mean streak and had problems with weapons, primarily her urges to use them. Getting her to dump me was about the best solution I could come up with.

But those relationships just took something out of me. By time the last one was over I had pretty much lost the ability to cry in front of anyone. And although I have done it a few times by myself I just don't really like it. So where I am at today is I don't cry and that's okay. Because if it's okay to cry then it has to be okay to not cry also. But I really don't understand why anyone would want to cry about stuff. On the rare occaisions that it happens it's exhausting, and my usually reaction when I am done is to fall asleep for a while.

Absaroka

[Jabbela]

In generell i do not think, that crying is bad. As mentioned above - in most cases it is a release. On the other hand, the reason why you cry is setting up the perception of crying.
On my hand - i cry more or less often for different reasons. I accept this as part of my personality and more over as a result of my sensitivity. "Don't cry!" would decrease my sensitivity and I am glad to be that sensible.
I often cry while watching romantic movies (eg. Notting Hill) while having good laughs at the same movie. Sometimes I cry, when i watch my kids, talk with them about the reasons and consequences of my separation or simply feel, how much I love them. Last not least I often cry in both times: ups and downs of my current partnership.
Obviously - sometimes crying feels good, sometimes not. But it shows me, that i am an emotional and sensible person - so at all time and for all reasons, I welcome my tears...

[Elizabeth]

Hey Terry,

It's not so much that crying is over rated as much as holding it in is so lousy. I conceed that crying almost always means some type of negative feelings, those feelings are a part of who and what we are, and not expressing them harms us.

I see it like feeling nausious. I would rather just go throw up than to have that horrible feeling of nausia. Not that throwing up is so great, but it's a means to an end. I see crying much the same. While crying is not all that great, it makes you eyes red and swell and makes your nose red but it get's rid of that horrible feeling of everything about to make you cry.

I know this is a little late, and you are not in the funk right now. or perhaps you are. What I can say to you, is, try to repress crying. See how hard it is to carry that with you all the time. It may make you appreciate crying a little more and not see it quite so negatively.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[LeftyRainbow(SO)]

Human beings cry when they do not know what else to do.
We all cry as infants until we start to develop and learn there are other ways of getting our needs met but as we grow we still cry when we feel we have exhausted all other ways known to us to handle a situation.
Hey, we're human right? That's why we cry at funerals...not much we can do there.
Sometimes I cry when I am happy but to tell you the truth it's only when I am expected to sit still and not do something about my happiness like at a wedding or recital or graduation. I probably wouldn't cry if I was allowed to scream or dance or something. I never cry at parties or receptions or things like that (except for the time I was a sore loser during musical chairs).
The thing about crying is when it doesn't work, when we aren't able to solve a situation by doing it, we pick up and try something else.
BTW...there will be a test on this thread Terri and no crying allowed. you will just have to think of another way to get the good grade..LOL!
Well at least I hope I made you chuckle abit!