I, perhaps like many of you, am sitting at a computer in comfortable lounge wear w/ a nice big pair of forms on, but unlike some of you I am "contemplating reality" (thinking) as i say it, I myself took some time to realize what it was exactly that made me different, i have many differences, dont we all? I am not only a CD but also a sanguinarius, this has effect my life a lot, especially as it means i have 2 large secrets few actually know about, well I am still going out with a girl who knows both and accepts them, which is great! we go to school together, clubs, parties, etc. but there is a small problem and a large problem, fist of all she is lycan, no offense to any of you that are as well, but not only are we supposed to hate each other we're going out, on top of that, i suppose i just dont know anymore...
When I'm with her, i-i feel happy, or at least i smile more, but...i just dont know, especially w/ what happened a week or so ago, last summer I was with another girl, before i met my current GF, and we met through a friend, we were meeting for the first time at the washington, puyallup spring fair, my dad dropped me off and we met at red gate, i couldnt believe it, she was beautiful, the whole day seemed to last a lifetime, we walked around, after a bit we sat down and i had that magickal first kiss, as such we returned to walking around 'til she had to do a 1 hour volunteering session at the dunk tanks, that whole time i was there next to the tank, watching and talking to here, just smiling, for once, enjoying life...she finished and changed clothes, we went down the road to a park and just relaxed, enjoying each others company, as time passed we returned to the fair, Finally as the day ended we took 1 last ride on the big ferris wheel, just as the sun was setting, it was beautiful, as was she, we went out for about 3 months, after a hile we broke it off...
but when me and my gf were together last week, everytime i inhaled through my nose, there was a sweet scent, and a memory i cherished of my ex flashed to mind, ive been thinking since then, comparing them, contrasting, wondering why, when i think of my gf nothing happens, but when i think of my ex, a smile comes across my face, i become happy, on a normal day i see my gf in the morning, at lunch then after school, we hug and i tell her to be good, she tells me "AW but i wanna commit crimes!", we split off and wait to meet again, when there is passion, it seems to diminish quickly, compared to the hundreds of memories i had w/ my ex i seem to only have a few of my gf, even tho i've been w/ my gf longer...both know my secrets, and when the year started my ex begged 4 me to take her back, i end up asking my gf out and here we are my ex has a bf and i think that shes the one im destined to be with, we had so much, i too thought it was just puppy love, but now...i...i just dont know...i just dont know what to do...
