An issue not worth a battle.

[Joann NJ]

This week I was planning to meet a gal from here that lives pretty close to where we live. Coffee at a local diner, and not femme. So, to let my SO know, I asked if she'd like to join us......... She could not believe I'd risk everything we worked for........ people talk.......... someone could find out..... So, I let G know I had to cancel. SO asked if I called to cancel, and I replied that "no, she called and thought the meeting could cause them a risky situation" so she had to cancel.....food for thought. Question is, should I or how do I continue to grow, or is it really worth it?

[SilverLady(SO)]

Joann -

I'm really sorry that your SO put the kabosh on your outing, and it's a shame that she was not supportive of your desire to meet with another CD.

If your meeting with G had gone as planned, was G going to be in drab, also? If so, then I really do not understand your SO's argument at all. Anyone seeing you would just think you were getting together with another male friend - no big deal.

If, perchance, G was going to be en femme and you would be in drab, I would consider setting up another get together somewhere just a bit farther from home (but still a do-able drive) where it would be less likely that you would run into someone you know.

I think that you have the right, and the obligation to your true self, to meet other CD's and to further explore how this wonderful gift can benefit not only you, but your SO, too.



- SL

[KimberlyS]

Joann, it sounds like to me that there are some trust issues to be worked out. So keep up the communication with your wife. These things can take time. I am not sure how long your wife has known about your cding..... but getting use to it and what all you would like to do takes awhile for many GG's to digest and get use to. Alot of communication with your wife and some education, and more communication may be what is needed. But some GG's never get use to it. But good communication and time, maybe lots of time is the best tool to use.

Good luck,

KimberlyS-CD

[DonnaT]

Unless your job is in the public eye, no one is going to bat an eyelid at your meeting another CD, especially when not enfemme. Even more so should your wife attend as well.

However, your wife does/may not know this other person, yet, like my wife, appears to worry about anyone (including your online CD friend) knowing she's married to a CD.

So you can talk more about your wife's worries with her, or just go along with her request. Tell her if she's worried about your friend knowing who she is and that she's married to a CD, then you won't ask her to go with you. And if your job is not in the public eye, ask her why meeting another person in guy mode would cause any risk to everything you've worked for. No one is going to pay attention to a couple of guys having coffee.

It's definitely not worth arguing about, however, and talking it over isn't arguing.

[Anita]

It sounds like the possible trust issue could be that your wife thinks that another CD could easily blackmail you once they get to know you. That wouldn't really be a factor, however, unless the other CD was an imposter, and did not have a similiar secret to hide.

But that's the only risk I can see from two en drab CDs meeting, is that your identity has been compromised to another person.

[Dawn (SO)]

Right now, I would be scared to death if Angel went to meet another, dressed or not. It is more of a personal insecurity thing with me, I think??, Transitioning is the biggest fear, no matter what s/he says. When I look at this person that I love with all my heart as Angel, I can't help but notice how georgeous she is (and much more so than me, in my opinion) and that how could ANYONE not want her. Male or Female. I think I may lose them both and that's what makes me so insecure.

[Virginia]

Dawn,
You have one SMALL advantage! Honey, when you roll out of bed in the morning, and your feet hit the floor you are what most of us strive to be and most will never be, a real life, loving, caring, breathing, walking, talking GG! It is my considered opinion that even those (of us) who feel that perhaps that we are in or were born in the wrong body that does not alleviate us from what we were when we were born and no surgery will change that. Along with that appendage, came certain manifistations that will be part of us until we assume room temperature.
Be proud of your beauty, you have what most of us can only wish for.
my motto applies to you as well: "Go forth WOMAN and BE!!"
Love,
Virginia

[Jess(SO)]

So, I let G know I had to cancel. SO asked if I called to cancel, and I replied that "no, she called and thought the meeting could cause them a risky situation" so she had to cancel.....food for thought. Question is, should I or how do I continue to grow, or is it really worth it?

Why didn't you just tell your partnerthat you had canceled.. why the lie???? seem strange to me that you would pass up an opportunity to ease your partners fears, by showing care and corncern for her feelings. just my 2cents worth

Jess

[Joann NJ]

I did Jess, but how I did it was to incorporate that we all have concerns and how heavy a load carrying around this CD baggage can get. knowing there is someone near to help with the load on occassion would be a comfort for me. my wife is wonderful, and I'd never do anything to hurt her or our relationship. I am pretty good with people, and if it didn't feel right, we'd finish our coffee, say goodbye, it was nice to meet you, and let it go at that.

[Amanda Barber]

She could not believe I'd risk everything we worked for........ people talk.......... someone could find out.....

"what would the neighbors think?"
You have the right to talk to other people.