Hi all,
Okay, here's a trick question: what's the purpose of blue?
The answer, of course, is: there is no answer, because this is a non-question, a question with no debatable answer.
Shannon was expressing himself, sharing his own feelings, in much the same way Sharon does, in other threads. The fact that he did so in a somewhat petulant tone doesn't invalidate what he's feeling. His feelings are neither right nor wrong (and neither are those of Sharon nor of any other forum member). How we choose to act upon our feelings more often determines how successful we are at living with other people than does the mere "feeling" of those feelings.
A few things have been said in this thread that bear repeating. We ought to make an effort in letting others know how we feel and, especially, in inviting others to let us know how
they feel. Anita has a point; mindreading is the stuff of fantasy. We will not know how another person feels if he or she does not let us know--by telling us. Behaviour is an unreliable guide to another person's feelings. What we do is often at odds with what we feel... sometimes because we can't sit on our own anger, sometimes because we deliberately want to hurt another (even though, deep down inside, we don't want to), and sometimes because we think we can make others understand our pain by spreading that pain around. This doesn't usually work very well. Not if honest and open communication is our intent.
Shannon,
You're right. We
don't really know who you are. But it's certainly not because we don't (or wouldn't)
want to. My take is (and this is certainly not a criticism) that we'd get a better idea of the fullness of you if you participated more often on the forum. Not just in "defensive" mode, but in "offensive" mode, as well (and I'm sure you can "offend" with the best of us
). There are at least two ways in which this forum can be yours. One, because your name is on the founder's list. Two, because you gave it the flavour of your own being, not just by making the guidelines we must follow, but because we have a much clearer sense of who you are, as a person. This implies that you actually make an effort to let yourself be known. Contrary to what you may think (and to how things may look), there aren't that many people here who are so judgmental as to dismiss out of hand your own story, merely for not having heard it yet. We ask nothing better from the founder of a CD forum than for him to share with us what being a crossdresser means to him and how he tries to incorporate his singular nature in his daily life (his marriage included).
I know you don't dress often (or haven't dressed in a while). You're still one of us. By saying this, I'm not trying to drag you down; I'm raising you up. Your experience of your own self matters every little bit as does Sharon's of her own self or as does that of anyone here regarding their own understanding of themselves. In the matter of feelings, there is no right and no wrong. On the other hand, if you want us to have a clearer picture of the details of your life (and that's a huge "if" on a public forum), then participate, for land's sake! Again, Shannon, please don't take this as a criticism. It isn't.
As for the matter of the inaccessibility of the SO's Only section, well, it's accessible to anyone who has eyes to read. Yes, there are times when I'd like to comment directly on stuff that's being said in there but, if I really need to, I know that I can start a new topic as a response in the "Togetherness" section. This kind of "tennis match" is open to all; all you need is a keyboard. There's a very good reason the SO's section was segregated: CD's continuously intruded on the conversations SO's were trying to have amongst themselves. I know the point of this forum was to bring us all together (to a certain extent) but men and women haven't really changed over the centuries; they each sometimes need their own space. We should consider it an awesome privilege already that SO's continue to post even while knowing that we CD's are looking over their shoulders. Isn't this the greatest opportunity to know and to find out what many of our loved ones truly feel about us? Take this ball and run with it, folks. Rather than be incensed and try to censure what happens in the SO section, we should welcome it (this, by the way, is what the person meant when she wrote that "SO input is solid gold here"); it's another way in which we can come to make certain necessary realizations, not only about who we are, but about the ways in which who we are affects those we love. Who the heck wouldn't
want that? That Kay, for example, or Darlene, feel they have to walk on eggshells when expressing their feelings regarding CD-SO difficulties is unfortunate, I think. It's a bit like having a conversation where the two participants have their backs turned to each other; there are things we'll miss, for sure.
Too often, we (and, yes, I include SO's in this as well) "react" instead of acting; we go towards another with our shield raised and our spear at the ready--even in conversations we
want to be a part of. Go figure. Instead, why not just reach out and say, "here, take my hand; even though I don't know, at this very moment, whether you want to caress me or slap me silly, I want you by my side... just because I love you."
Trust me, sometimes this single soul pines for the vicissitudes of couplehood.
Love,
CJ
P.S.
Nobody is screwing up anybody else's life. We do that all on our very own, to our very selves, by refusing to make the choices we should in order to become happy. Gosh, I sound like Darlene.
The only person responsible for their own happiness, is themselves. Noone can make anyone else truly happy. True happiness and contentment comes from within. 
Darlene.
