It's me again

[JenniferMu.(GG)]

Janice, there isn’t any real proof that it’s caused by a gene is there, or are you just sort of generalizing? You also keep referring to it as a SEXUAL journey, so what you’re saying is that it’s about sex, is that right or not, if it is then now I don’t know what to think. I certainly have no intention of accompanying my father on some sort of ‘sexual journey’ if that’s what this is.

Nancy, communicating with my Dad was never a problem until this thing came out and we have had many, many hours of conversation together (mostly good, some ended not so good) about it over the last few years and it was getting to the stage where I was ok with it, but the more I seemed to accept it and be a part of it then the more he was pushing the line and getting into talking about things we’d never discussed in our lives before, and I just think that talking about intimate matters and how certain articles of clothing make you feel and the effects they have on you isn’t desirable for me and my father. It’s probably ok with a husband and wife or a girl and boy friend but not for me and my father, anyway, that’s what I believe. My problem is that he’s become so touchy about things and goes into himself if he feels he’s being accused of being offensive. He’s been through so much with losing his wife and family and he gets sad so easy and that’s why I’ve let a lot of things go by me, but I just think the time has come to pull him up or else it just gets worse and then things get more heated when one lets it be known they want things to stop, if you know what I’m getting at.

I’ve tried changing the subject often enough and hoped that he’d get the message, but he just seems to get so wrapped up in it all that his mind is on one track only. Of course it isn’t that easy now that we live 800 kms apart and we mostly communicate by phone only, it’s different to being face to face. I’m not suggesting he has any ulterior motives because he’s not a man like that, well he never has given the slightest indication yet, but I suppose that it could be suggested that if someone had suggested he wore dresses before we walked in on him, then I would have said he wasn’t like that either, so I don’t know what to think sometimes, I just want my life to settle down. It just seems one thing after another after another and it makes my head spin. I just want to have time to get over losing my friend too, and that isn’t happening easy because I’ll never know the reason why and that’ll haunt me because maybe there was something I could have done. I’ve also had a sort of altercation with my mother recently when she got stuck into me and said she thought I would be better than just a waitress after all the money they spent on my education, but she gets very uppity at times and only sees what she wants in her point of view and doesn’t listen but expects me too. I tried to tell her it was just part of a stepping stone to my future and was only one small part of what I was aiming at and I needed experience in all parts of that particular area of the hospitality industry, but it fell on deaf ears, as she would say. So you see it never rains but it pours as she would once again say.

Anyway, thanks for your advice, it’s well taken and when I have it all out with my Dad we’ll see what happens. I just want you to know that I’m not against what he does, it’s just bits which I think could be kept to himself, he’ll always have my support as long as it doesn’t get out of hand and go into ‘other areas’ if you know what I mean, anyway, we’ll see what happens hey.

Jenny.

[Virginia]

Hi Jenny,
I did not want to get involved with this thread for numerous reasons, one is my daughter (36) is named Jennifer and two we have not been on speaking terms for quite a while and fortunately (I guess) it is not because I am a crossdresser, but I digress.

I would take exception with the reference that crossdressing is sexual. Albeit for some it is. They, individually, would have to search their souls, so to speak, to make that individual interpretation. For most of us it is not sexual. It allows us to bring out something in us that we had been suppressing, repressing, ignoring - whatever - most of our lives up to the point that in my situation it seemed like Virginia had had enough and she also saw that I (male) needed a strong feminine hand and in a very short time "there she was." Now how different people handle this "coming out" so to speak depends on that individual. For me it was a curiosity more than anything. I have had an interesting life and this was just something new for me to explore and to make a long story short, I was sssssssoooooo fortunate to find this forum and my "sisters" here helped me further accept Virginia as the GIFT she is and I have not looked back. I will not go into the "whys and wherefores" of where I feel "she came from." I will tell you this: she has taken me through the toughest times in my life and, well, actually made it look easy now that I look back on it!

Women are such marvelous creatures, strong, sensitive, empathic, graceful, and on and on. To have even a small sense of those characteristics is such a wondrous thing and to be able to share them with those we come into contact with and see the positive results constantly amazes me. I do not have to dress or be dressed any longer to express those characteristics and it is wondrous to watch and to participate in.

I don't know where your father is on the the "crossdresser's continuum" and perhaps it is a sexual form of escapism for him, I do not know. And here is where I kind of lose it! What should you do?? You seem genuinely concerned with his welfare but are hesitant as to how to hold on to your relationship with him. You have gotten some interesting suggestions. I would see if you can "live with any of them" and proceed from there. All I would ask is that you not give up on him. He is evidently struggling with this aspect of his/her life and needs someone to turn to. Be strong and if he/she broaches any subject that you do not or are not comfortable in discussing, tell him/her straight out that that is outside your comfort level and you do not want to discuss it, but let him/her know that you are not closing down all areas of communication. Find your comfort level and help him/her find theirs, and keep trying to get your dad to possibly participate here.

Good luck and we are truly trying to help and we may ask for your help in return - some of us need it.

Love ya,
Virginia

[DonnaT]

Being a CD is a progressive thing as are most sexual journeys. Age makes us less content and fosters a more radical exploration of letting out our CD self to family, friends or to the general public.

Janice, please don't generalize by referring to "most" on some issues. Especially when referring to CDing as a sexual journey.

For many, it is not. Many of us started at a young age before we even knew about sexuality.

Even though some do CD for sexual release, not all of us do, and from conversing with a number of CDs on these type of forums, I would would say not even "most" mature adults do.

Jennifer, I doubt very seriously if your father would discuss his dressing with you if his dressing was a sexual thing. Really, you know him pretty well, do you think he could do such a thing?

Don't be confused by over-generalizations made on forums.

[JenniferMu.(GG)]

I'm sorry I haven't replied to youe arlier Frances, but I didn't see your post until someone brought it to my attention.

I'm not sure what you mean about me experiencing the very worst of the CD world. I'm not sure what you would mean as the worst or the best. I think what I've been through the last few years was probably something what was meant to be and I love my Dad to death believe me, and now that all the dust has settled I see him in a very different light, what you might say as a beautiful light really and I even said to my Mum last week that I think she's missing something beautiful, btu she doesn't want to know about it or go there so I'm talking to myself, and we can't make other peoples minds up can we and I've come to know that it doesn't matter what others think, we're all made the way we are, and that's that. So maybe all the stuff what's happened was meant to be a part of a larger trip through life and prepares us for something ahead, who knows, I don't.
But thanks for your thoughts but believe me there's been a lot worse things happen this last year than my Dad in lipstick and a dress, but maybe everything was meant to be whatever and however bad, I don't know, who does. But I took a lot of peoples advice and I'm back home living with my Dad now and hoping I can get a bit smarter about people and things stay good in my life.

Jenny.

[Absaroka]

Jennifer you didn't go into what prompted the move back with your dad but based on some other posts this is perhaps a very good thing. I'm glad you have been able to turn to him and hope things work out.

That said all the stuff said by people here about boundaries is something to think about seriously.

Keep in touch.

Absaroka

[JenniferMu.(GG)]

Hi Absaroka,

Well I moved back home to Sydney because I’ve been corresponding for some time with Georgia SO and SilverLady SO and their advice and the things they told me convinced me that to go on as things were was not really good, and I guess the thing which really got me motivated was one night I’d been out with a g/f for dinner and on the way home we dropped into a supermarket to get some things and when we came out the windscreen of my car was broken and all the tyres were let down. Now I didn’t have any proof of who did it and when I told the Policeman that I had a strong suspicion all he said was that I could get myself into trouble by making wild accusations without proof, and I guess that all night I’d had my spider webs crawling up the back of my neck wasn’t proof that the ex was hanging around somewhere. That just sent me off looking at my car I just broke down, I’d had enough, and I couldn’t think of any reason why kids would pick out my little old car amongst all the cars in the car park, and I even said to the Policeman that wouldn’t he think that if it was a mob of teenagers on the rampage then they usually go along a line of cars, and he agreed with me, but anyway that was the last straw.

I rang my Dad and told him the whole story from start to finish and he insisted that I come home at once and he even said he’d drive the 9 hours down that night, but I had lots to do before I could leave, things like my lease on my apartment had to be attended to and I couldn’t walk out on my boss, anyway it all ended ok so far, and Dad even hired a security firm to provide a guy to follow me home because of all the long lonely stretches of highway and what could happen along the way, I thought that was a bit over the top but he insisted.

Anyway, I’m home again and looking for a job and trying to sort things out. I’ve made my peace with my Mum, well as good as we can, I think she’ll always be down on me for running away in the first place and leaving school, I guess she’s had a win now that I’ve come back with my tail between my legs and of course we’re always going to have that thing between us of Gran’s will, but there’s nothing I can do about that till I’m 25 anyway.

I’m just hoping that he now gives up and leaves me alone and doesn’t follow me up here, surely he’ll get on with his life. I know it’s stupid but I hope he’s alright and I think about him a lot and I really can’t help it. I always think of all the wonderful times we had together and all the dreams I had of what was in the future for us and I don’t know really where it all went wrong as it was so beautiful, I guess I just have to share my part of the blame because of the way I denied him what he wanted but that too I couldn’t help, I’m me and if as he says I’m weird and cold hearted andgot strange ways then so be it, but all I know is that he’ll never find another girl to love him as much as I did, he should have given me more time, but I do hope he finds happiness in his life, but as much as I love him I can’t go on with a person who is so jealous and fights over nothing and smacks my head, that just isn’t fair. But now I’ll never know if a guy really loves me when he says he does, or if he only has an ulterior motive for what he wants, how do you know, it seems impossible to me, I thought I knew, but boy was I ever a dummy. I thought girls were supposed to know these things, but who knows.

Dad’s told the local Police here about it all just in case something happens and he says they’ll know the background of it all and that’ll help them with any action they might have to take if he does come up. I told him that was a bit over the top but he always reminds me of the case earlier this year where a girl from Sydney run away from her ex and went down to Melbourne and he followed her, and one morning in the Melbourne CBD when there were thousands of people going to work at 9am he dragged her out of a building and was hitting her and trying to force her into his car, and when a guy went to help her the ex pulled out a gun and shot him dead, and then a Dutch backpacker went to help and he got shot too, now the guy is in jail for murder, but the girl escaped ok. Those things are scarey, but I really don’t think my ex is that sort of person, I think he’s just frustrated and scared he lost me and he shows his frustrations in anger, and I feel so sorry for him because whatever anyone says, it’s part my fault it all happened too.

Anyway, it is good to be back with Dad, we’ve done a lot of catching up and he’s a lot better in himself now, or sometimes it’s ‘herself’ I suppose as he seems to want it more and more in his life, but I’m getting more used to that stuff, but it takes time, but he’s one of the good guys and I’ll always love him no matter what and I know he’ll be a bit sad when I get back on my feet and find my own place, but I need my space and I hope he understands that when the time comes.

Thanks for your interest anyway, all you people have been marvelous, I’ve learnt so much from you all, it mightn’t seem like it, but it’s true.

Jenny.

[Stephanie W]

Jenny

I'm so glad to hear you made the move back to Sydney to be with your Dad. I'm also sure you made the right decision. In time, I think you'll come to see that too. It'll also give you some valuable time with Dad to work things through with him. You should have no doubts how much he loves and cares for you. You might think he's being overly protective, but hey, that's what being a parent is all about. It comes with the territory, so don't expect him to apologize for that.

My hope is that you'll let go of that guilt you still carry around with you about being responsible for the breakup, but when one is in an abusive relationship, then all bets are off, plain and simple. So understand, that feeling of guilt is really without merit in this case. Let's hope ex gets on with his life without you and you find that special someone who will give you the love and respect you deserve, and who knows, even treat you like a human being again; - all things your ex forgot how to do. Whatever happens, I wish you luck and hope you let us know how you're doing.

Take care Jen,

Stephanie

[Absaroka]

Jen I'm glad you've moved and no I don't think your dad was over the top.

Any fool can say I love you and why should anyone believe them? You know that someone loves you by their actions not their words. And I haven't met the woman yet who was so beautiful, so sexy, so enticing and loving that not having sex with her could unbalance me to the point of physical and emotional violence. And that includes my wife who I've been married to for 21 years. Believe me, with 21 years and 2 kids we have had plenty of times of no sex.

So anyway none of this was your fault. If he couldn't deal with no sex he could have gotten a new girlfriend.

Maybe your dad can be helpful to you in explaining men to you a bit better.

Personally I hope your ex is in jail where he can't hurt anyone else.

Take care and let us know how it's going in your new location.

Absaroka

[Lucy Michelle]

Best wishes whatever happens. Good luck with the job hunt.