So are you saying, if no one sees you dressed that your cross dressing self doesn't exist? Just curious. I was the one who started this thread because as an SO, it doesn't make any sense to me. When dressed in male attired, my waiter or the hostess of a restaurant doesn't whip out snap shots and hand them to me see his wardrobe while I'm ordering, yet this happened to me at a TG friendly place. And we were total strangers. Just like I don't get why there are countless personal websites merely to show oneself off so to speak. It just seems a bit narcissitic somehow. Would these same people have a personal web page en drabbe? I doubt it. Again, I started this thread because I'm trying really hard to understand the motivations and to simply understand my own husband better. No intention to offend anyone, just putting out my personal view.
Kay(SO)
Why the need to be seen, ie. pictures, websites, etc
Moderators: KimberlyS, Eileen (SO)
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Yvonne
- Miss Crystal Goddess
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2004 6:19 am
- Location: Albany, New York
Hi Kay,
I don't know if other CDers ever felt this way, but that's what feeling guilt and shame did to me.
Actually, people do whip out photos - vacations and weddings are big reasons for this, and, sad to say, delivery room births. I agree that innundating someone in your living room or at a gathering with unrequested photo albums is, shall we say, rude, but I don't think the same applies to the web. After all, no one is pushing their photos on us, we go visiting.
I think it is good that there are more and more personal pages. It has helped to form the beginnings of a community in cyberspace. Like I said in the last post, I wish there were fewer lingerie shots, but that's just me. And yes, a bit more meaningful content on some of these sites would be nice too. I have heard this complaint from straight folks as well, and this is my concern, that by putting up these web sites we are inviting the rest of society to visit and learn, and I just think we need to put our best foot forward. First impressions count. My pet peeve: the headless crossdresser!
There may be elements of vanity and narcissism involved, but I believe that as we come more and more out of the closet and CDing becomes more integrated with the rest of our lives, those behaviors go away. I take very few photos of myself anymore whereas in the past I would always ask my wife (my second wife) to take three or four so I could see how I looked to other people. It helped me improve various aspects of my appearance and become more comfortable going out in public. I do have a photo album but I have only shown it to two or three people, and I asked first if they wanted to see it.
I hope this clears up what it is I'm trying to say.
Regards
Yvonne
This is a good point. I remember that at a time when I was very much in the closet and no one knew I was crossdressing (my first wife hated it and thought I had stopped) I always believed that if no one knew, I could decide to stop and, since no one knew, I never had to face what I was or what I was doing. I could "stop" and then pretend like it never happened. Who would know except me?Kay(SO) wrote:So are you saying, if no one sees you dressed that your cross dressing self doesn't exist?
Kay(SO)
I don't know if other CDers ever felt this way, but that's what feeling guilt and shame did to me.
Actually, people do whip out photos - vacations and weddings are big reasons for this, and, sad to say, delivery room births. I agree that innundating someone in your living room or at a gathering with unrequested photo albums is, shall we say, rude, but I don't think the same applies to the web. After all, no one is pushing their photos on us, we go visiting.
I think it is good that there are more and more personal pages. It has helped to form the beginnings of a community in cyberspace. Like I said in the last post, I wish there were fewer lingerie shots, but that's just me. And yes, a bit more meaningful content on some of these sites would be nice too. I have heard this complaint from straight folks as well, and this is my concern, that by putting up these web sites we are inviting the rest of society to visit and learn, and I just think we need to put our best foot forward. First impressions count. My pet peeve: the headless crossdresser!
There may be elements of vanity and narcissism involved, but I believe that as we come more and more out of the closet and CDing becomes more integrated with the rest of our lives, those behaviors go away. I take very few photos of myself anymore whereas in the past I would always ask my wife (my second wife) to take three or four so I could see how I looked to other people. It helped me improve various aspects of my appearance and become more comfortable going out in public. I do have a photo album but I have only shown it to two or three people, and I asked first if they wanted to see it.
I hope this clears up what it is I'm trying to say.
Regards
Yvonne
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Yvonne,
Good points, you've got there! As Kay said, well-put, too. Thanks.
Kay,
I hear you and I can see your frustration in trying to understand this aspect of our behaviour. It's not, I think, that, if nobody sees me dressed, then my crossdressing self doesn't exist. It does. But only for me. If no one sees me dressed, then this side of me--which I consider a great part of my most fundamental self--is all but prevented from having a chance to enter into the relational aspects of my life. My crossdressing self (again, a self that looms large in my own inner life) remains as invisible to others as is Pluto to the earthbound. Luckily, we have pictures of Pluto that help us understand what that planet's nature is and how it came to be.
The waiter whipping out his pix to a stranger is tacky. As Yvonne said, if you feel close to a potential "viewer" and wish to feel closer still (and if that "viewer" is comfortable with this type of self-disclosure on our part) then I think it's totally appropriate to show that person who we feel ourselves to be. My entire life, I've seen myself (my self) in a certain way, a way not open to others except I seek to "exteriorize" myself--through photos, en femme outings, writing, what have you. Although this thing about photos at first seems to positively reek of narcissism, it's quite the opposite in fact; you may think that this all centers on me, but it centers strictly on the veiled, wounded, and fractured me that I've come to show the world, out of a (possibly self-defeating) need for self-preservation. The real me--the woman in the photo--is the one who needs to both give and receive love, friendship, respect, acceptance, and, above all, acknowledgement of being. Until I've shown the world who I truly am (photos being only one way of doing so), I live in the limbo of aloneness and inauthentic relationships. I suffer when others don't know me; I rejoice when they do. Same goes for you. Same goes for everyone.
On a more personal note, I was deeply wounded recently when my best (male) friend absolutely, categorically refused to see a shot of me as Christina--in fact, he thought the whole thing repugnant. This is a person whom I've called friend for more than a decade. He knows "I do drag" (as I describe it to him) and he doesn't seem to have a problem with that (he and his GF even attended one or two drag shows with me, and at my invitation). However, his aversion to considering the possibility that I'm anything other than the "manly" friend he's come to know and love has just about killed me. The real, deep-rooted me, that is. I understand his viewpoint and respect it. I also understand that, like many crossdressers, I've only succeeded in painting myself into a corner as far as my relationship with him goes. I'll consider this friendship healthier when he becomes willing to acknowledge the existence of Christina--at the very least, by seeing what she looks like.
Narcissus drowned by staring at, and falling in love with, his own reflection in a pool. I don't want that. I just want to know that others see the same reflection I do when we look into that pool. For some of us, it's as simple as showing a photograph and saying, "look, this is what I see... do you see her also?" Although none of us would prefer to depend on it, it's hard to deny that any one of us can do without that kind of validation of our existence and our being--including yourself, Kay. It's just that, in your case, your everyday self-presentation is your photograph.
Oy, I have a headache now! Sorry, all, if this is long-winded, but this is an issue that's close to my heart. I sometimes bristle at the thought that others may consider me self-obssessed when I know myself to be an open, caring person solicitous of other people's needs and desires.
I hope you're okay with this, Kay. It's not my intention to be contentious here. I really appreciate your desire to figure this one out--in the end, it's for the betterment of your relationship with your DH, a laudable goal. As always, I look forward to your posts.
Love,
CJ
Yvonne,
Good points, you've got there! As Kay said, well-put, too. Thanks.
Kay,
I hear you and I can see your frustration in trying to understand this aspect of our behaviour. It's not, I think, that, if nobody sees me dressed, then my crossdressing self doesn't exist. It does. But only for me. If no one sees me dressed, then this side of me--which I consider a great part of my most fundamental self--is all but prevented from having a chance to enter into the relational aspects of my life. My crossdressing self (again, a self that looms large in my own inner life) remains as invisible to others as is Pluto to the earthbound. Luckily, we have pictures of Pluto that help us understand what that planet's nature is and how it came to be.
The waiter whipping out his pix to a stranger is tacky. As Yvonne said, if you feel close to a potential "viewer" and wish to feel closer still (and if that "viewer" is comfortable with this type of self-disclosure on our part) then I think it's totally appropriate to show that person who we feel ourselves to be. My entire life, I've seen myself (my self) in a certain way, a way not open to others except I seek to "exteriorize" myself--through photos, en femme outings, writing, what have you. Although this thing about photos at first seems to positively reek of narcissism, it's quite the opposite in fact; you may think that this all centers on me, but it centers strictly on the veiled, wounded, and fractured me that I've come to show the world, out of a (possibly self-defeating) need for self-preservation. The real me--the woman in the photo--is the one who needs to both give and receive love, friendship, respect, acceptance, and, above all, acknowledgement of being. Until I've shown the world who I truly am (photos being only one way of doing so), I live in the limbo of aloneness and inauthentic relationships. I suffer when others don't know me; I rejoice when they do. Same goes for you. Same goes for everyone.
On a more personal note, I was deeply wounded recently when my best (male) friend absolutely, categorically refused to see a shot of me as Christina--in fact, he thought the whole thing repugnant. This is a person whom I've called friend for more than a decade. He knows "I do drag" (as I describe it to him) and he doesn't seem to have a problem with that (he and his GF even attended one or two drag shows with me, and at my invitation). However, his aversion to considering the possibility that I'm anything other than the "manly" friend he's come to know and love has just about killed me. The real, deep-rooted me, that is. I understand his viewpoint and respect it. I also understand that, like many crossdressers, I've only succeeded in painting myself into a corner as far as my relationship with him goes. I'll consider this friendship healthier when he becomes willing to acknowledge the existence of Christina--at the very least, by seeing what she looks like.
Narcissus drowned by staring at, and falling in love with, his own reflection in a pool. I don't want that. I just want to know that others see the same reflection I do when we look into that pool. For some of us, it's as simple as showing a photograph and saying, "look, this is what I see... do you see her also?" Although none of us would prefer to depend on it, it's hard to deny that any one of us can do without that kind of validation of our existence and our being--including yourself, Kay. It's just that, in your case, your everyday self-presentation is your photograph.
Oy, I have a headache now! Sorry, all, if this is long-winded, but this is an issue that's close to my heart. I sometimes bristle at the thought that others may consider me self-obssessed when I know myself to be an open, caring person solicitous of other people's needs and desires.
I hope you're okay with this, Kay. It's not my intention to be contentious here. I really appreciate your desire to figure this one out--in the end, it's for the betterment of your relationship with your DH, a laudable goal. As always, I look forward to your posts.
Love,
CJ
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Sally
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
- Posts: 630
- Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2004 1:33 am
- Location: N.S.W. Australia
why the need to be seen, i.e pictures, websites etc.
I don't know if I can add anything of value to what has already been said, but it has always astounded me over the years as to why many of my CD friends have spent so much money on photos of themselves. Some of them have boxes and boxes of photos, so many pics are taken at the same time that there is practically no variation in each photo.
Some people have told me that they dress to emulate their vision of how they prefer to see a woman dressed and they want to preserve this vision., almost like creating an object of their desire, so to speak and they can recreate this vision anytime with pictures. It makes them feel attractive and feminine to see themselves on film so some say, whatever feeling feminine means. I have often wondered if women have a special feeling within them and whether all women feel alike as to femininity and femaleness, is there a special feeling within or is the feeling a result of clothes, makeup, perfume etc. Then again maybe in my case my feelings may be diminished somewhat due to the fact I have always felt that my mind and body was never in sync.
Over the decades I have crossdressed, (although I have always tended to feel that dressing in male clothes was more crossdressing to me than when wearing female clothes) I would not have had more than 3 photos taken when dressed as Sally. It's not that I am ashamed or anything similar of how I present, I am quite content with how I look. Maybe it's just a case of camera shy, I've never really thought about it too deeply, I just have never felt a desire or need to be photographed.
I also believe that men gain more stimulus from visual means than women do, by this I mean that in the main, men gain much more arousal from looking at pictures of women than women do from pictures of men. Maybe they do derive a satisfaction from preserving the vision they have created. I'm open to correction on this, but that's my honest belief and I don't mean to offend anyone whatsoever. The fact that so many men completely dress as a woman from high heels to wig to make up and don't just wear a dress or a skirt without all the accessories leads me to believe that they wish to preserve a vision of being attractive as a female, and for a time to just block out their maleness. Being seen as attractive I think is a desire of men when fully crossdressed as against when they are dressed drab, the look then presented may be best described as eloquent rather than attracive.
Maybe when it's all said and done, people just like taking lots of photos and showing them around because they need reassurance, confirmation and acceptance that's it's alright for them to do what they do, maybe it's just part of human nature that everyone likes a compliment.
My Kindest Regards.
Sally.
Some people have told me that they dress to emulate their vision of how they prefer to see a woman dressed and they want to preserve this vision., almost like creating an object of their desire, so to speak and they can recreate this vision anytime with pictures. It makes them feel attractive and feminine to see themselves on film so some say, whatever feeling feminine means. I have often wondered if women have a special feeling within them and whether all women feel alike as to femininity and femaleness, is there a special feeling within or is the feeling a result of clothes, makeup, perfume etc. Then again maybe in my case my feelings may be diminished somewhat due to the fact I have always felt that my mind and body was never in sync.
Over the decades I have crossdressed, (although I have always tended to feel that dressing in male clothes was more crossdressing to me than when wearing female clothes) I would not have had more than 3 photos taken when dressed as Sally. It's not that I am ashamed or anything similar of how I present, I am quite content with how I look. Maybe it's just a case of camera shy, I've never really thought about it too deeply, I just have never felt a desire or need to be photographed.
I also believe that men gain more stimulus from visual means than women do, by this I mean that in the main, men gain much more arousal from looking at pictures of women than women do from pictures of men. Maybe they do derive a satisfaction from preserving the vision they have created. I'm open to correction on this, but that's my honest belief and I don't mean to offend anyone whatsoever. The fact that so many men completely dress as a woman from high heels to wig to make up and don't just wear a dress or a skirt without all the accessories leads me to believe that they wish to preserve a vision of being attractive as a female, and for a time to just block out their maleness. Being seen as attractive I think is a desire of men when fully crossdressed as against when they are dressed drab, the look then presented may be best described as eloquent rather than attracive.
Maybe when it's all said and done, people just like taking lots of photos and showing them around because they need reassurance, confirmation and acceptance that's it's alright for them to do what they do, maybe it's just part of human nature that everyone likes a compliment.
My Kindest Regards.
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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Gaven McLaren
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 697
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 2:29 am
- Location: San Ramon, CA
- Contact:
I do not understand the need to take pics. Though I have and do take them. Much like why do I dress in the first place? It is something I enjoy and makes me feel good. For me taking pics is a way to share my experiances with people. This is why I take pics of other things I do such as my truck and Ren. Faires. http://www.nccxterra.com/mem_daniel.html My truck getting ready to go to a Faire.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons. As you are crunchy and good with chocolate!
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Kay(SO)
- E-mail address not valid - Contact Admin
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- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:03 am
- Location: North Carolina
CJ,
I'm so glad that you took the time to express your view and feelings. It helped me even further in my quest to understand. Especially when you wrote about finally showing the world your true self. That makes perfect sense to me. The waiter was actually the hostess at a Drag Show brunch who didn't know me from Andrea, and that's why I thought it was odd and it sent me into thinking mode about the whole topic and led to my posting about it here in the first place.
It broke my heart to hear about your friend's resistence to seeing your pics. Where I understand the difficulty on his part, (it's easier to remain in denial if he doesn't actually look at the pics) I can completely understand how awful and painful it is for you and for that I'm sorry.
You also wrote: For some of us, it's as simple as showing a photograph and saying, "look, this is what I see... do you see her also?"
I need to comment on this part. In some ways I see this as a possible "set-up" for the CD'r because what if the person looking at the picture DOESN'T see what you see? And this happens alot. I have come to believe that the CD'rs perspective and what you see in the mirror or picture is completely different that what some of the rest of us see.
The hostess took that risk by thrusting her pics in my face. Luckily I'm married to a CD'r and was sensitive in my response. I simply told her how lovely she looked. If I had been honest, I would have said something about how she looked like a large, unattractive, matronly, big headed, man in a dress. I would never be that brutally honest knowing the need she was trying to get met in showing me the pics in the first place. My point is, that her reality is not the same as mine. To me her view is a bit distorted. As is my husband's when he looks at himself dressed. His biggest fear is looking foolish. I would never dream of telling him that there are times when I feel that he looks foolish. He would die. It would kill his spirit. Instead I do everything I can to help him look and feel his best when dressed. I keep saying that it's a matter of perspective and I believe this to be true. My view is not to offend, like I said before, I hope my honesty hasn't hurt anyone. It is not my intention, ever.
Okay, I've gone on long enough. I need to keep reading more replies. Thanks again for helping!
Kay(SO)
I'm so glad that you took the time to express your view and feelings. It helped me even further in my quest to understand. Especially when you wrote about finally showing the world your true self. That makes perfect sense to me. The waiter was actually the hostess at a Drag Show brunch who didn't know me from Andrea, and that's why I thought it was odd and it sent me into thinking mode about the whole topic and led to my posting about it here in the first place.
It broke my heart to hear about your friend's resistence to seeing your pics. Where I understand the difficulty on his part, (it's easier to remain in denial if he doesn't actually look at the pics) I can completely understand how awful and painful it is for you and for that I'm sorry.
You also wrote: For some of us, it's as simple as showing a photograph and saying, "look, this is what I see... do you see her also?"
I need to comment on this part. In some ways I see this as a possible "set-up" for the CD'r because what if the person looking at the picture DOESN'T see what you see? And this happens alot. I have come to believe that the CD'rs perspective and what you see in the mirror or picture is completely different that what some of the rest of us see.
The hostess took that risk by thrusting her pics in my face. Luckily I'm married to a CD'r and was sensitive in my response. I simply told her how lovely she looked. If I had been honest, I would have said something about how she looked like a large, unattractive, matronly, big headed, man in a dress. I would never be that brutally honest knowing the need she was trying to get met in showing me the pics in the first place. My point is, that her reality is not the same as mine. To me her view is a bit distorted. As is my husband's when he looks at himself dressed. His biggest fear is looking foolish. I would never dream of telling him that there are times when I feel that he looks foolish. He would die. It would kill his spirit. Instead I do everything I can to help him look and feel his best when dressed. I keep saying that it's a matter of perspective and I believe this to be true. My view is not to offend, like I said before, I hope my honesty hasn't hurt anyone. It is not my intention, ever.
Okay, I've gone on long enough. I need to keep reading more replies. Thanks again for helping!
Kay(SO)
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Kay(SO)
- E-mail address not valid - Contact Admin
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- Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:03 am
- Location: North Carolina
Sally,
I loved your post and also want to thank you for your perspective. It made me think about things somewhat differently. And it makes perfect sense that one would want to preserve the moment and the feelings they had at that moment. What better way to do that than on film. Wow, I hadn't thought of it like that.
Your questions about femininity I have discussed with other women and CD'rs on another list. My feeling is that I, as a GG don't need the same things that my husband needs in order to get in touch with femininity. He needs the clothes, makeup, etc... I on the other hand feel feminine all the time because I am a GG. Sometimes I feel more feminine than others of course but for the most part it has nothing to do with what I'm wearing. It is a part of who I am. I could be in sweats or an evening gown and feel equally as feminine. My husband on the other hand won't wear slacks when dressing enfemme because it doesn't work for him. He needs the hosiery, skirts or dressess and makeup to feel feminine. That's just him. I'm not generalizing here because I know that there are those who feel feminine without the out wrappings also who are not GG's. Does that make sense?
You wrote: Maybe when it's all said and done, people just like taking lots of photos and showing them around because they need reassurance, confirmation and acceptance that's it's alright for them to do what they do, maybe it's just part of human nature that everyone likes a compliment.
This is the best! Especially the part about wanting acceptance and reassurance. I'm sure that's what the hostess was looking for and I hope my words gave it to her. Thanks again!
Kay(SO)
I loved your post and also want to thank you for your perspective. It made me think about things somewhat differently. And it makes perfect sense that one would want to preserve the moment and the feelings they had at that moment. What better way to do that than on film. Wow, I hadn't thought of it like that.
Your questions about femininity I have discussed with other women and CD'rs on another list. My feeling is that I, as a GG don't need the same things that my husband needs in order to get in touch with femininity. He needs the clothes, makeup, etc... I on the other hand feel feminine all the time because I am a GG. Sometimes I feel more feminine than others of course but for the most part it has nothing to do with what I'm wearing. It is a part of who I am. I could be in sweats or an evening gown and feel equally as feminine. My husband on the other hand won't wear slacks when dressing enfemme because it doesn't work for him. He needs the hosiery, skirts or dressess and makeup to feel feminine. That's just him. I'm not generalizing here because I know that there are those who feel feminine without the out wrappings also who are not GG's. Does that make sense?
You wrote: Maybe when it's all said and done, people just like taking lots of photos and showing them around because they need reassurance, confirmation and acceptance that's it's alright for them to do what they do, maybe it's just part of human nature that everyone likes a compliment.
This is the best! Especially the part about wanting acceptance and reassurance. I'm sure that's what the hostess was looking for and I hope my words gave it to her. Thanks again!
Kay(SO)
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Sally
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
- Posts: 630
- Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2004 1:33 am
- Location: N.S.W. Australia
Why the need to be seen. i.e. pictures, websites etc.
Hello Kay,
Thanks for a great reply.
I hope I'm not getting too deep here, but the subject of 'feeling feminine' has always intrigued me. I long tried to define what the actual feeling is and what it means. Does it mean different things to different women? Can the feeling be described as feeling attractive to ones' self and to the world. As a person who was biologically born male, even though my mind may not be in sync with my biology, I believe it's still impossible for me to know how a woman really feels. I'm not sure it's possible for a person born biologically male to feel feminine as a woman does, no matter how his brain may be wired.
Can the feeling be actually defined or is it a feeling which just is. Does one woman feel different to another? What I'm trying to say is along these lines. It has been asked of me over the years how does it feel to be different? I can never answer that because I say, different to what? I don't know how anyone else feels, male or female, I only know how I feel and have felt all my life.
Can feeling feminine be described as feeling vulnerable, desirable, pretty, delicate or is it simply having the appearance of a woman and all her physical characteristics?
Myself, my feelings never change either, in whatever manner I'm dressed.
Whether I'm all prettied up or just in tracky pants and a shirt, how I feel within is the same, although I may feel more attractive prettied up, is that ' feeling feminine?". Years ago I needed all the trimmings to 'make it happen' but now the clothes, make up etc are secondary, I'm not sure what that's telling me, maybe it's just time has caught up with me. LOL..
My Kindest Regards.
Sally.
Thanks for a great reply.
I hope I'm not getting too deep here, but the subject of 'feeling feminine' has always intrigued me. I long tried to define what the actual feeling is and what it means. Does it mean different things to different women? Can the feeling be described as feeling attractive to ones' self and to the world. As a person who was biologically born male, even though my mind may not be in sync with my biology, I believe it's still impossible for me to know how a woman really feels. I'm not sure it's possible for a person born biologically male to feel feminine as a woman does, no matter how his brain may be wired.
Can the feeling be actually defined or is it a feeling which just is. Does one woman feel different to another? What I'm trying to say is along these lines. It has been asked of me over the years how does it feel to be different? I can never answer that because I say, different to what? I don't know how anyone else feels, male or female, I only know how I feel and have felt all my life.
Can feeling feminine be described as feeling vulnerable, desirable, pretty, delicate or is it simply having the appearance of a woman and all her physical characteristics?
Myself, my feelings never change either, in whatever manner I'm dressed.
Whether I'm all prettied up or just in tracky pants and a shirt, how I feel within is the same, although I may feel more attractive prettied up, is that ' feeling feminine?". Years ago I needed all the trimmings to 'make it happen' but now the clothes, make up etc are secondary, I'm not sure what that's telling me, maybe it's just time has caught up with me. LOL..
My Kindest Regards.
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
-
CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3562
- Joined: Sun Nov 02, 2003 11:12 pm
- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi all,
Sally,
I have to say I agree with you there about the (im)possibility of knowing what a woman feels like. Then again, I also think it's impossible for me to know what another man feels like. "Being in my own skin" is as unique an experience as you being in yours or Kay being in hers. I can, however, try to imagine what it can be like. Chances are that, even though I love presenting as someone inclined to display feminine characteristics, I can better grasp what it means to be a man; such is my body and I was raised as such. Moreover, the social privileges conferred upon me merely because of my sex at birth make mine an experience of the world much different than that of, say, Amber's or Curly's or Sharon's or any GG's. I'm saying "different," not necessarily "better." Of course, I can never know what it feels like to be a woman physically; even the creation of breasts and apparently female genitals, as well as the feminization of secondary sex characteristics, through HT and SRS can only ever be an approximation. As a "mere" crossdresser, that's not an option for me. At best, I can say what it feels like and what it means to be a transgendered person.
Kay,
When I said, "look, this is what I see... do you see her also?" I never meant "look, this is the beautiful woman I see... do you see this beautiful woman also?" Rather, I merely wish to impress on people (friends and loved ones, mostly) that an essential part of me is cross-gendered and I show "her" to you as "she" has shown herself to me; here "she" is for you to see, even though "she" is usually hidden, alone, and afraid. Whether she looks like Naomi Wolf or Eleanor Roosevelt is a different matter.
Love,
CJ
Sally,
I have to say I agree with you there about the (im)possibility of knowing what a woman feels like. Then again, I also think it's impossible for me to know what another man feels like. "Being in my own skin" is as unique an experience as you being in yours or Kay being in hers. I can, however, try to imagine what it can be like. Chances are that, even though I love presenting as someone inclined to display feminine characteristics, I can better grasp what it means to be a man; such is my body and I was raised as such. Moreover, the social privileges conferred upon me merely because of my sex at birth make mine an experience of the world much different than that of, say, Amber's or Curly's or Sharon's or any GG's. I'm saying "different," not necessarily "better." Of course, I can never know what it feels like to be a woman physically; even the creation of breasts and apparently female genitals, as well as the feminization of secondary sex characteristics, through HT and SRS can only ever be an approximation. As a "mere" crossdresser, that's not an option for me. At best, I can say what it feels like and what it means to be a transgendered person.
Kay,
When I said, "look, this is what I see... do you see her also?" I never meant "look, this is the beautiful woman I see... do you see this beautiful woman also?" Rather, I merely wish to impress on people (friends and loved ones, mostly) that an essential part of me is cross-gendered and I show "her" to you as "she" has shown herself to me; here "she" is for you to see, even though "she" is usually hidden, alone, and afraid. Whether she looks like Naomi Wolf or Eleanor Roosevelt is a different matter.
Love,
CJ