Hey there,
I've got a problem that I need help with. When my sweetie first told me that he dresses, I didn't quite understand the feelings I was experiencing. (I also didn't understand about TG - still thought it was something he chose to do - like whips and chains or something).
I've mentioned before that while my brain was ok with it, my emotions were not so sure. This was before I found this web site and so I talked to my best friend about it. I knew she would understand - her first husband dressed and she's now been with two FTM TGs - Virginia's NOTS.
I did this because I knew that she would be able to help me figure out what was bothering me and she would help me work out my own peace with my own issues. Not only would she understand, she lived clear across the country and was never going to run into my sweetie or anyone he knows. I was aware that he didn't want to be outted to anyone, but he wasn't in a place where he could talk it out with me. I needed someone who would understand, not judge, and allow me the feedback that would allow me to work out my own feelings. The same stuff this group does, but I hadn't found ya'll yet.
So, I've considered telling him that she knows. But it never seemed to be the right time. So I haven't ever told him. Now, it looks like he may get a chance to meet her. And I feel guilty for not having told him.
My question is - how exactly do I tell him this? What do I say that won't come across as me gossipping about him, or that I wasn't outting him just to be outting him. He's really quite ticklish on this topic after an ex-wife that outted him to family for vengeance. And how very betrayed do ya'll think he's likely to feel?
Help!
-georgia(so)
I did something stupid...
Moderators: KimberlyS, Eileen (SO)
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
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DonnaT
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That's a tough question to answer, Georgia. Trust is the main issue here. I know a number of TG's who would be quite put out by their SO outing them. To anybody.
If he's already been outed by his ex, and is quite ticklish over it, then he'll probably be quite upset. Based on the experiences others have discussed on various forums. And depending on how closeted he is.
So, you have two choices. Discuss it with him or don't.
You could make sure she says nothing to him about what she knows. He'll remain in the dark. That seems to be the easiest choice. Unless it's going to weigh on your mind forever.
Or tell him the truth and explain why you did.
You can't really be blamed for having a need to talk to someone about it. Especially if he wouldn't. He may suggest that a therapist would have been a better choice than a friend, however. But your friend may have been more knowledgeable that a therapist.
If you had found a bad therapist, with no knowledge of gender issues, it could have been bad for the relationship. That has occurred too many times.
If the relationship is solid, then y'all should be able to work past this.
If he's already been outed by his ex, and is quite ticklish over it, then he'll probably be quite upset. Based on the experiences others have discussed on various forums. And depending on how closeted he is.
So, you have two choices. Discuss it with him or don't.
You could make sure she says nothing to him about what she knows. He'll remain in the dark. That seems to be the easiest choice. Unless it's going to weigh on your mind forever.
Or tell him the truth and explain why you did.
You can't really be blamed for having a need to talk to someone about it. Especially if he wouldn't. He may suggest that a therapist would have been a better choice than a friend, however. But your friend may have been more knowledgeable that a therapist.
If you had found a bad therapist, with no knowledge of gender issues, it could have been bad for the relationship. That has occurred too many times.
If the relationship is solid, then y'all should be able to work past this.
DonnaT
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Carol Ann
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Hi Georgia,
As Donna said this is a hard question but we are all here. I have my take as you said he doesn't want to be outed so as you have told someone you have let him down. Me I would keep it to myself and don't tell him just to keep peace in the marriage.
There are other ways to understand crossdressing without dropping a name
I took my wife to a Tri-Ess meeting where she could talk to other wifes and it was the best thing I every done.
No I wouldn't tell him as he may feel as if you let him down and went back on your word. Just my $.02 worth
As Donna said this is a hard question but we are all here. I have my take as you said he doesn't want to be outed so as you have told someone you have let him down. Me I would keep it to myself and don't tell him just to keep peace in the marriage.
There are other ways to understand crossdressing without dropping a name
I took my wife to a Tri-Ess meeting where she could talk to other wifes and it was the best thing I every done.
No I wouldn't tell him as he may feel as if you let him down and went back on your word. Just my $.02 worth
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CJ
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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- Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Hi Georgia,
This one's easy: Take your post above, copy and paste it into your favorite word processing program. Print it. Or, even better, rewrite it longhand. Sit down with your sweetie and have him read it (if he doesn't know you're on this forum, omit that part for now).
Seriously, Georgia, though he be "ticklish" about this issue, he has to see that you've done as right by him as you could, considering you're in the picture, too. I do suggest you tell him before he meets your friend, lest you put both her and your DH in an awkward position. I'll illustrate what I mean with a little personal story.
Many years ago, when I first told my then-GF that I was a crossdresser (I was 20, she was 17; we'd been dating for about four months), I'd asked her not to tell anyone else about this for the time being. She went straight to her older brother and spilled the beans. Now, I liked her older brother. I'd only met him two or three times so I'd never chatted much with him; he held two jobs and rarely had time to socialize. But he had a good vibe about him. Well, as it turned out, in the fifth month of our relationship, Marie and I wound up living together at his place downtown. I got to see much more of him, especially early in the morning (I was in college full-time during the day and working full-time in a restaurant during the evenings). One morning, as we were having our half-dozen cups of coffee, the subject of conversation spontaneously turned to transvestites, transsexuals, and drag queens (he sometimes went with his girlfriend to a popular drag cabaret just around the corner, so he was somewhat familiar with the subject). Well, I found the whole conversation a little bit weird and stilted. He was saying things that I was under the impression were not exactly aligned with what I'd come to believe were some of his actual views on the matter. Hmmmm. On the other hand, I, too, had to sort of dance around the subject, given that I'm a crossdresser, myself. It was just bizarre, I guess. Well, I later told Marie about that early morning conversation between her brother and me. To her credit, she fessed up; she told me that she had, some weeks prior, let him in on my little secret, just because she needed someone to talk to about this. And her brother was the one person she trusted most back then (of course, word eventually got around as, I guess, he needed someone to talk about this to, as well). I told Marie that her confiding in her brother had sort of made both he and I sound slightly like fools then, talking about something we both knew was true of me but neither one of us admitting that this was so. In the end, no harm done, though. He was good-natured about the whole thing (as were the other two "guy's guys" that we had for roommates, also living at Marie's brother's apartment--these two ribbed me and mocked me some, but never in a mean-spirited way... and I took it all in my stride). In the end, I've had to be thankful to Marie for her having "outed" me while I was still only twenty years old for it made me realize, at that young age, that little serious harm came from others knowing I had a penchant for gender variance... mmm... okay, for wearing women's clothes. I never looked back. In all my relationships since, I've always made sure my SO knew, and understood, beforehand that I'm a crossdresser (and what it means for a person to be a crossdresser).
I realize that your sweetie's situation is different, Georgia. When one is under the spell of full adulthood--with its attendant responsibilities, personal history, and social standings of various ilks--one cannot be as cavalier about the whole question of self-disclosure or, worse, of being forcefully outed by a vindictive ex. But, being gently and "generously" outed by someone who loves you is an altogether different story, especially if the recipient of that outing is likely to be a person sympathetic to the matter at hand (as appears to be the case in your own and your sweetie's situations). Although there are exceptions, and though I know nothing of your DH's caracter and personality, I predict a good outcome should you decide to sit him down and fess up about your own benign indiscretion.
Having said this, I do hear the counter-argument that lovey-lovey partners do, indeed, sometimes become vengeful ex-partners and that, for this reason alone, it's always best for a crossdresser to remain completely closeted. I don't buy it. I don't, mainly for two reasons. One, if an SO thinks she can sully the name of her ex by decrying the fact that he's some kind of pervert, she'll have to explain how she agreed--if, indeed, she did--to be a party to that perversion. This is a weak position, I know, as many SOs aren't, unfortunately, privy to this "information" before committing themselves to a crossdresser. And that's too bad for both parties, I think. Two--and this is the one I've tried to live my own life by--is the fact that I will stand a higher moral ground by being myself, by being who and what I truly am, than any ex who would try to harm me by having others believe my gender variance makes me a reprehensible individual. Hatred and loathing ultimately only really poison the hater and the loather. (Of course, the same thing is true of self-hatred and self-loathing.)
A crossdresser puts himself in a vulnerable position when he confides in his spouse, true. If that spouse understands what it means to be emotionally vulnerable and has at least some love and compassion for her DH, chances are slim that he will rue the day he outed himself to her, even (or especially) should she seek some emotional support of her own regarding his transness. Yes, in a way, it becomes a "double-trust" issue for him--he trusts her with the knowledge of his true self and he trusts she won't babble to potentially noxious people--but that double-trust is worth it, given the potentially rich emotional rewards that come for a CD and an SO from being (or becoming) closer to one another... regardless of who else in the world knows about his gender variance.
I wish both you and your DH well in this baby step to disclosure, Georgia. As he must surely, to some extent, follow your own pace and rhythm as regards to his dressing activities, you must try to follow his as regards to spreading the knowledge that he's a crossdresser. It's a tough balancing act but, like I said, when the two of you move in sync, the result can be a most sublime and intimate dance. He gave of himself to you by coming out to you. You gave of yourself in return (by not running away, screaming into the night, I guess). Now, for your sake, he must give a little bit more of himself to you by trusting that you did the right thing in talking to your friend about how you felt regarding his crossdressing. As a crossdresser who's basically always been out, myself, I find that many closeted crossdressers underestimate the rush of emotional freedom that comes from knowing that one more person in the world is aware of who you are and yet the world continues to turn as it always has. There's very little, in my opinion, to equal this feeling. And, if it comes about from your spouse having been honest with a sympathetic friend, then so be it.
To my mind, you've certainly done nothing wrong, Georgia. In fact, I think you did everything right. There now remains only the issue of telling your sweetie that you've done everything right. Again, I wish you well in that particular task. As others have said, the decision remains yours.
Love,
CJ
This one's easy: Take your post above, copy and paste it into your favorite word processing program. Print it. Or, even better, rewrite it longhand. Sit down with your sweetie and have him read it (if he doesn't know you're on this forum, omit that part for now).
Seriously, Georgia, though he be "ticklish" about this issue, he has to see that you've done as right by him as you could, considering you're in the picture, too. I do suggest you tell him before he meets your friend, lest you put both her and your DH in an awkward position. I'll illustrate what I mean with a little personal story.
Many years ago, when I first told my then-GF that I was a crossdresser (I was 20, she was 17; we'd been dating for about four months), I'd asked her not to tell anyone else about this for the time being. She went straight to her older brother and spilled the beans. Now, I liked her older brother. I'd only met him two or three times so I'd never chatted much with him; he held two jobs and rarely had time to socialize. But he had a good vibe about him. Well, as it turned out, in the fifth month of our relationship, Marie and I wound up living together at his place downtown. I got to see much more of him, especially early in the morning (I was in college full-time during the day and working full-time in a restaurant during the evenings). One morning, as we were having our half-dozen cups of coffee, the subject of conversation spontaneously turned to transvestites, transsexuals, and drag queens (he sometimes went with his girlfriend to a popular drag cabaret just around the corner, so he was somewhat familiar with the subject). Well, I found the whole conversation a little bit weird and stilted. He was saying things that I was under the impression were not exactly aligned with what I'd come to believe were some of his actual views on the matter. Hmmmm. On the other hand, I, too, had to sort of dance around the subject, given that I'm a crossdresser, myself. It was just bizarre, I guess. Well, I later told Marie about that early morning conversation between her brother and me. To her credit, she fessed up; she told me that she had, some weeks prior, let him in on my little secret, just because she needed someone to talk to about this. And her brother was the one person she trusted most back then (of course, word eventually got around as, I guess, he needed someone to talk about this to, as well). I told Marie that her confiding in her brother had sort of made both he and I sound slightly like fools then, talking about something we both knew was true of me but neither one of us admitting that this was so. In the end, no harm done, though. He was good-natured about the whole thing (as were the other two "guy's guys" that we had for roommates, also living at Marie's brother's apartment--these two ribbed me and mocked me some, but never in a mean-spirited way... and I took it all in my stride). In the end, I've had to be thankful to Marie for her having "outed" me while I was still only twenty years old for it made me realize, at that young age, that little serious harm came from others knowing I had a penchant for gender variance... mmm... okay, for wearing women's clothes. I never looked back. In all my relationships since, I've always made sure my SO knew, and understood, beforehand that I'm a crossdresser (and what it means for a person to be a crossdresser).
I realize that your sweetie's situation is different, Georgia. When one is under the spell of full adulthood--with its attendant responsibilities, personal history, and social standings of various ilks--one cannot be as cavalier about the whole question of self-disclosure or, worse, of being forcefully outed by a vindictive ex. But, being gently and "generously" outed by someone who loves you is an altogether different story, especially if the recipient of that outing is likely to be a person sympathetic to the matter at hand (as appears to be the case in your own and your sweetie's situations). Although there are exceptions, and though I know nothing of your DH's caracter and personality, I predict a good outcome should you decide to sit him down and fess up about your own benign indiscretion.
Having said this, I do hear the counter-argument that lovey-lovey partners do, indeed, sometimes become vengeful ex-partners and that, for this reason alone, it's always best for a crossdresser to remain completely closeted. I don't buy it. I don't, mainly for two reasons. One, if an SO thinks she can sully the name of her ex by decrying the fact that he's some kind of pervert, she'll have to explain how she agreed--if, indeed, she did--to be a party to that perversion. This is a weak position, I know, as many SOs aren't, unfortunately, privy to this "information" before committing themselves to a crossdresser. And that's too bad for both parties, I think. Two--and this is the one I've tried to live my own life by--is the fact that I will stand a higher moral ground by being myself, by being who and what I truly am, than any ex who would try to harm me by having others believe my gender variance makes me a reprehensible individual. Hatred and loathing ultimately only really poison the hater and the loather. (Of course, the same thing is true of self-hatred and self-loathing.)
A crossdresser puts himself in a vulnerable position when he confides in his spouse, true. If that spouse understands what it means to be emotionally vulnerable and has at least some love and compassion for her DH, chances are slim that he will rue the day he outed himself to her, even (or especially) should she seek some emotional support of her own regarding his transness. Yes, in a way, it becomes a "double-trust" issue for him--he trusts her with the knowledge of his true self and he trusts she won't babble to potentially noxious people--but that double-trust is worth it, given the potentially rich emotional rewards that come for a CD and an SO from being (or becoming) closer to one another... regardless of who else in the world knows about his gender variance.
I wish both you and your DH well in this baby step to disclosure, Georgia. As he must surely, to some extent, follow your own pace and rhythm as regards to his dressing activities, you must try to follow his as regards to spreading the knowledge that he's a crossdresser. It's a tough balancing act but, like I said, when the two of you move in sync, the result can be a most sublime and intimate dance. He gave of himself to you by coming out to you. You gave of yourself in return (by not running away, screaming into the night, I guess). Now, for your sake, he must give a little bit more of himself to you by trusting that you did the right thing in talking to your friend about how you felt regarding his crossdressing. As a crossdresser who's basically always been out, myself, I find that many closeted crossdressers underestimate the rush of emotional freedom that comes from knowing that one more person in the world is aware of who you are and yet the world continues to turn as it always has. There's very little, in my opinion, to equal this feeling. And, if it comes about from your spouse having been honest with a sympathetic friend, then so be it.
To my mind, you've certainly done nothing wrong, Georgia. In fact, I think you did everything right. There now remains only the issue of telling your sweetie that you've done everything right. Again, I wish you well in that particular task. As others have said, the decision remains yours.
Love,
CJ
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KimberlyS
- Site Administrator
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- Location: North Central USA, SD
Re: I did something stupid...
Georgia, I agree with those that said to print out this post and give it to your SO, or some reprint of it.
If your hubby has any sense he will understand that you needed someone to talk to about things. And you picked a perfect person to do it with, being one that has dealt with it already. I do not see this as an issue.
From his side I can see the potential lack of trust by sharing this part of him with someone else. Especially since what his ex-wife did.
Interestingly my wife did this also. She was the one that more strong on the fact we were NOT to tell anyone. But I later found out she had told two of her friends. She needed some one to talk to was her answer. Interestingly in my wifes case they helped little with the CDing issues as their comments were to leave me. They did give her someone to vent to. When she first told me that she had told them I was upset over it. But after realizing that she needed someone to talk with I was most ok with it. I still talk with these two friends but the CDing subject has never been brought up.
Once again it comes down to good communication to keep the relationship good and healthy. Good luck.
Kimberlys
joe in a skirt
If your hubby has any sense he will understand that you needed someone to talk to about things. And you picked a perfect person to do it with, being one that has dealt with it already. I do not see this as an issue.
From his side I can see the potential lack of trust by sharing this part of him with someone else. Especially since what his ex-wife did.
Interestingly my wife did this also. She was the one that more strong on the fact we were NOT to tell anyone. But I later found out she had told two of her friends. She needed some one to talk to was her answer. Interestingly in my wifes case they helped little with the CDing issues as their comments were to leave me. They did give her someone to vent to. When she first told me that she had told them I was upset over it. But after realizing that she needed someone to talk with I was most ok with it. I still talk with these two friends but the CDing subject has never been brought up.
Once again it comes down to good communication to keep the relationship good and healthy. Good luck.
Kimberlys
joe in a skirt
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
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Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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You have your needs too, just as he has his, and you needed someone to talk to. You apparently chose someone trustworthy and accepting.
For most of us a big reason not wanting to be outed is fear of it being spread about or of being judged. It sounds like either of these should not be an issue.
I think printing the letter or maybe even the whole thread is a great idea.
When I told my wife shortly after getting married (there was far less to tell back then) she was uncomfortable but accepting. I told her I did not want her to tell anyone but if she felt she had to talk to one of her friends to not tell me and let me think my secret was safe. To this day I have no knowledge of her telling anyone. She did volunteer that one day when she was talking with some very close friends another man shared that he had crossdressed as a child. Everyone there was fine with this but then this is a group that likes to do drag and is primarily gay men. At that point she considered telling them I had done the same thing but decided not to. When she told me this I thanked her for respecting my privacy and really meant it. I would probably not care now if she did but back then I really didn't want her to say anything. Who knows maybe if she had it would have been a good thing.
Absaroka
For most of us a big reason not wanting to be outed is fear of it being spread about or of being judged. It sounds like either of these should not be an issue.
I think printing the letter or maybe even the whole thread is a great idea.
When I told my wife shortly after getting married (there was far less to tell back then) she was uncomfortable but accepting. I told her I did not want her to tell anyone but if she felt she had to talk to one of her friends to not tell me and let me think my secret was safe. To this day I have no knowledge of her telling anyone. She did volunteer that one day when she was talking with some very close friends another man shared that he had crossdressed as a child. Everyone there was fine with this but then this is a group that likes to do drag and is primarily gay men. At that point she considered telling them I had done the same thing but decided not to. When she told me this I thanked her for respecting my privacy and really meant it. I would probably not care now if she did but back then I really didn't want her to say anything. Who knows maybe if she had it would have been a good thing.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Georgia(SO)
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Thanks for the input, folks...
I'm not worried about my friend spilling the beans to him (I know a lot of her secrets too!), but it wouldn't be right to let him sit there visiting and not know that she knows something he'd rather she didn't know.
So, at the moment, the cowardly plan is to avoid the visit. If that doesn't work, then I'll sit down and talk to him.
thanks
-g(so)
I'm not worried about my friend spilling the beans to him (I know a lot of her secrets too!), but it wouldn't be right to let him sit there visiting and not know that she knows something he'd rather she didn't know.
So, at the moment, the cowardly plan is to avoid the visit. If that doesn't work, then I'll sit down and talk to him.
thanks
-g(so)
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KimberlyS
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
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KimberlyS,
I know... Honesty is honesty, isn't it? No matter what it's about. I got a break this morning and the trip across the country appears to be postponed for a while.
I'll talk to him - just have to find the right time. I know he's going to be very upset. I didn't quite understand how upset when I talked to my friend, but I know him much better now and I truly regret having done so.
I would also use this thread to mention to CDers trying to break the news to their sweeties - I understand the need to keep this under wraps, but I also understand that women talk out their feelings and that is just how we are. While it would be nice, in theory, if we could talk it out together, that's probably overly optimistic in the first blush of her trying to grasp something she doesn't quite get, and you trying not to panic about her reaction. A trusted friend can be the answer, BUT there are way many pitfalls there - i.e. trusted friends can and do blab. Please invite her to the gg only section of this site - and swear on your best 4" red pumps that you'll never peek in there... We SOs are a welcoming group and there are enough varying levels of acceptance (from skeptical to embracing) that she'll find someone to talk to. And most SOs, unless they happen to be particularly worldly, just don't get the whole TG thing at first - between a need for information and a need for someone to acknowledge what she is feeling, the SO section of this group is magnificient.
I'm also keenly aware that while you are all quite calm and collected when I ask you something stupid, or when I say that I am jealous of his woman within, if I were your very own personal love, your reaction might be more panicky and defensive.
I thank you again for a place to talk and visit.
-georgia(so)
I know... Honesty is honesty, isn't it? No matter what it's about. I got a break this morning and the trip across the country appears to be postponed for a while.
I'll talk to him - just have to find the right time. I know he's going to be very upset. I didn't quite understand how upset when I talked to my friend, but I know him much better now and I truly regret having done so.
I would also use this thread to mention to CDers trying to break the news to their sweeties - I understand the need to keep this under wraps, but I also understand that women talk out their feelings and that is just how we are. While it would be nice, in theory, if we could talk it out together, that's probably overly optimistic in the first blush of her trying to grasp something she doesn't quite get, and you trying not to panic about her reaction. A trusted friend can be the answer, BUT there are way many pitfalls there - i.e. trusted friends can and do blab. Please invite her to the gg only section of this site - and swear on your best 4" red pumps that you'll never peek in there... We SOs are a welcoming group and there are enough varying levels of acceptance (from skeptical to embracing) that she'll find someone to talk to. And most SOs, unless they happen to be particularly worldly, just don't get the whole TG thing at first - between a need for information and a need for someone to acknowledge what she is feeling, the SO section of this group is magnificient.
I'm also keenly aware that while you are all quite calm and collected when I ask you something stupid, or when I say that I am jealous of his woman within, if I were your very own personal love, your reaction might be more panicky and defensive.
I thank you again for a place to talk and visit.
-georgia(so)
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
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HI Georgia,
I have read all the posts and there really is not much I could add!
I will say that it would be good that the trip is posponed for a while to give you a chance to decide how to handle this.
I hope it will have a good outcome.
Please keep us posted as to how it works out.
Love,
Virginia
I have read all the posts and there really is not much I could add!
I will say that it would be good that the trip is posponed for a while to give you a chance to decide how to handle this.
I hope it will have a good outcome.
Please keep us posted as to how it works out.
Love,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Anita
- Miss Diamond Goddess
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Hi Georgia--
I can see the reasoning behind what you did at the time, and I've heard it from others on here, too. All of the sudden, you've got one of the biggest issues you'll ever deal with, and your support system has been cut off (best friends, sisters, mothers, etc.). What are you supposed to do? You can come here, but it takes time to get the kind of rapport you've already got around you in your hometown.
I guess you've got to deal with some initial fireworks, and then eventually you can show him this thread. Good luck!
I can see the reasoning behind what you did at the time, and I've heard it from others on here, too. All of the sudden, you've got one of the biggest issues you'll ever deal with, and your support system has been cut off (best friends, sisters, mothers, etc.). What are you supposed to do? You can come here, but it takes time to get the kind of rapport you've already got around you in your hometown.
I guess you've got to deal with some initial fireworks, and then eventually you can show him this thread. Good luck!
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KimberlyS
- Site Administrator
- Posts: 3341
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:01 pm
- Location: North Central USA, SD
I wish you the best of luck Georgia. If he does not understand do show him the posts here. We all need someone to talk to for working things out in our mind. Sometimes just speaking it to someone allows us to work it out without the other person basically not saying a word. Heck the two gals that my wife talked to had first responses of, to leave me and the other said you have not left yet.
Please let us know how it goes.
kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt
PS: If you are waiting for the right time to tell someone something, there is seldom a good time.
Please let us know how it goes.
kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt
PS: If you are waiting for the right time to tell someone something, there is seldom a good time.
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
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Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3344
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:30 am
Georgia I hope I misunderstood your post. It sounded like you were going to not visit with your friend because of this. I think that is ill advised. You are letting him control your friendship with this woman without even knowing he is doing it. I think this is probably the worst solution of all.
Maybe you can start the discussion as a hypothetical thing with him. But don't avoid your friends because of him.
Absaroka
Maybe you can start the discussion as a hypothetical thing with him. But don't avoid your friends because of him.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
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Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
Absaroka -
You did misunderstand my post - the trip was postponed because the job fell through. And I'm not going to let my sweetie's discomfort control my relationship with anyone... although if the trip comes back around on the guitar, I may not take him with me when I drive the 6 hours from the job site to visit her!
And it's true - my friend didn't so much tell me anything I didn't already know, per se - she gave me a sounding board to work out my own feelings...
thanks for your concern...
-g(so)
You did misunderstand my post - the trip was postponed because the job fell through. And I'm not going to let my sweetie's discomfort control my relationship with anyone... although if the trip comes back around on the guitar, I may not take him with me when I drive the 6 hours from the job site to visit her!
And it's true - my friend didn't so much tell me anything I didn't already know, per se - she gave me a sounding board to work out my own feelings...
thanks for your concern...
-g(so)