time alone

[Absaroka]

Sami's thread has really got me thinking. Here's another take on CDing in front of our wives/partners

Acceptance is one thing. Acceptance is very important and in a marriage where we dont't at some deep level accept who our partner is there will probably be very big problems.

But as the old hunter said in The Bear (great movie by the way) "everyone has a secret side and by God that's the way it ought to be." In his case it is in response to his friend attempting to tell him why he did not kill the bear they were hunting. On to ours.

There are lots of things spouses do that their partner knows about but does not participate in. My wife for example has her "ladies night" every few weeks with her female co workers. Mostly they talk about work but they don't want any of their male co workers there either. I used to go to model railroad conventions. She thought they were boring, went to one briefly once and never again. Likewise how many men never take their wives hunting or fishing or to the game. And how many wives would bitterly resent it if told they had to go?

Telling our wives is one thing. The partial secrecy about this I have with my wife sometimes feels like a lie, other times feels like respecting her wishes not to discuss it or be involved. But telling her is one thing, sitting around the house in a dress is another.

I have a friend (my 12 step sponsor) who knows about this. When he calls and I am dressed I don't feel the need to tell him what I am wearing. If he asked I would tell him but he doesn't. I don't go to his house dressed.

I suspect that part of the reason for us to do this sometimes is that the secrecy has gotten toxic. But that's another subject altogether.

Absaroka

[KimberlyS]

Absaroka, you bring up a great topic that is so true. Acceptance is a continuum being it CDing, hunting, golf, guys night out, girls night out, hobbies, or anything in a relationship. The basic acceptance of CDing is she accepts you are a CDer and wants little to nothing to do with it. And if that is where our wifes are we need to respect that. But like most things CDing or other, people in general push for more and more. And I do not think there is anything wrong with working to get more of what you like as long as you can keep an overall balance to your whole relationship. A relationship filled with love and both partners feeling loved and happy is more flexible and can take bumps and differences a lot easier than one in stress.

kim
joe in a skirt