SOs talking too much?

[Julie M.]

I just read a thread on the SO forum where the ladies were talking about how they overtalk everything to death. "It's a girl thing" was one quote. Well when I bring up the subject to my wife she listens and might add a thing or two but it's totally up to me how long the topic will be discussed. In other words as soon as I stop keeping it going she moves on to something else.

We have been married 22 years and I told her before we were engaged. She seemed okay with it but certainly not into it. In all the time we have been married she has never once brought up the subject. It has always been up to me. It makes me feel apprehensive about bringing it up because I feel she would just rather not think about it.

She tells me she loves me every day. She's kind and thoughtful and tells me how happy she is with me. But when I bring up Julie she becomes somewhat distant.

Maybe it's partly me because I am hyper senstitve to everyone around me. I can read people's emotions just as if they were spilling their guts out to me. Some have told me it's a gift but I hate the idea of hurting anyone, especially those I love most so this "gift" becomes a burden. When I bring it up and I sense that she really didn't even want to think about it I feel I have brought up something that brings her pain and this hurts me. But I know I cannot just remain silent. It's too big a part of who I am. Without Julie I doubt my wife would ever have married me. I need for her to understand this.

I have no idea how I could let show her just what a wonderful part of me Julie is. When dressed I become so much more myself. I'm happier, more relaxed and I tend to see everything with a more positive outlook. Maybe it's because I am not wasting energy trying to figure out when and where I will be able to dress up next. Maybe it's because I feel like I am being me and not someone else everyone wants me to be. Whatever the reason, Julie is Jim and Jim is Julie, we are one and the same.

It's so hard living like this. I try to keep upbeat and have made every effort to portray a positive and happy attitude and I hope everyone who has read my other posts has felt that. But writing this has made me face my reality and it is getting me down.

If there are any SOs who have made the journey from where my wife is to a place of acceptance please let me knwo how you got there. I'd also like to know if accepting or even participating enriched your relationship. Maybe it will help so I can show my lovely wife just who I really am. 22 years of putting on a happy face is wearing me out.

[Loretta Ann]

Julie M wrote;

I hate the idea of hurting anyone, especially those I love most so this "gift" becomes a burden.

Julie I am stoic and you would not be able to read my emotions because I would not let them be seen. I know that this comes from being raised in an abusive home, and dose not lend itself well to an intimate relationship, and I accept that.

On the other hand if someone says or dose something that hurts me, that is my responsibility (loved one or not). being hurt in this world is unavoidable, and one needs to accept that reality (the same as we have had to accept the reality that we are gender gived cross-dressers) and learn how to live with that.

Yes your assumed gift should become a burden, and rightly so, because you have been assuming responsiblity for someone elses feelings.

It is completely understandable that after 22 years of putting on a happy face you are finaly becomeing worn out, that is a good thing.
I am sure this is not what you asked for here, but that is how I see it.

[Honey(SO)]

Well Julie, this is how is was for me and my husband. About 7 years ago I walked into the bedroom and found my husband in my dress,we were both shocked, I asked him are you gay?? He of course said no. That was all that was said. Over the years I would wake up to find him in my nightgowns and knew sometimes that he put my clothes on. It irritated me when I knew about it, but again nothing was said. We both went on our merry little way, loving each other but both choosing to ignore 'her'.
Even my husband mostly ignored it, because he did not understand it either.
Now fast forward to January of this year-he sent me a long email telling me about all this, he had spent alot of time discovering what crossdressing was and how he fit into it off the internet. Well him telling me his 'story' how it had always been with him since childhood and explaining what cross dressing was, it clicked for both of us. I also spent hours on the internet looking for my own answers and I also joined a support group for women only. They helped me understand that it is ok to accept this all and my husband and I BOTH talked about it for days on end every chance we could. We have explored alot of aspects of cross dressing together. It took for him to tell me all the details and ask me to accept this and participate with him.
And I am happy to say we have both accepted it into or marriage, all parts including our bedroom. We are experienceing a boom to our marriage of 30 years, some from our open conversations, and mostly from our love for each other. The cross dressing is just an added delight.
I am happy that he is no longer in the closet about this and if he can tell me about his bigest secret then we can talk about everything now, and we do.
There is hope for your and your wife, but you are going to just have to sit down and really talk to her about this. Has she seen you dressed and does she relize how much this is part of you?? It is really time for some deep discussions, I hope it works for you both.
Honey