Crossdressers-Haven.com

Alright, so too many things happened to me and i haven't write anything in a while 9.6 so i guess i will have to write these all in here lol Okay, let get started
First, I become happy in who i am, and you already know that, right? skip that.
Second, I spend more and more times with the girls in my class. And on the first friday of May, we were having special Ditch Day party only for 8th grades. In here, I did several things that i really proud that i did. First, in the morning, when i get out of the house and go to school, i rolled my skinny jean up (only girl in my class roll their jean up), i look extremely like a tomboy because i look both femine and boyish, the boys said that i look stupid, but the girl was like "wow, you look so sexy today" and i hanged out with the girls for a long time. Second, after decorating the 7th grade class (in my school's traditional, Ditch Day is the day that 8th grade show up at 7:00 am, normally they show up at 8:00 am, to decorate the seventh grade room for party, then our class disappear as 7:30 am). After having breakfast with the class, we went to bowling alley, well, there is nothing to talk about when i play, but the lunch part both hurted my feeling and make me feel happy. So, this is what happened. After eating lunch, some of the girls was playing hide, and they hid in the girl bathroom. 2 girls was looking for them, but they afraid of when they enter the bathroom, the other girls gonna scare them, so they asked me if i can go in and see what happen because they thinks of me as a girl, too, that is what made me happy they see me as a girl, and not a guy. But the sad part is, when i enter the girl bathroom, the other girls scream at me (they thought i was the other girl and try to scare me lol), then they realize that i was just helping other girls. There were 3 girls inside the bathroom, 2 of them smile at me and laughed, but there was one girl who looked me with an angry face, yelled at me "YOU ARE PERVERTED!!!!!!!!!" and i was like "Chill down, the other girls asked me to go in because they were afraid". Other girls, including those was hiding in the bathroom told me "it's ok" and smile at me, but the girl that yelled at me before keep telling me "You pervert, DONT (she paused) YOU (she paused again) EVER (paused) TALK (pasued) TO (pasued) ME (samething) AGAIN!!!!!!. And my heart was like "no,.... i didnt mean to hurt her feeling". Other girls keep telling me "it's ok, it not your fault". When i got home that day, i felt both happy and sad, I happy because i know that some of the girls in my class actually see me as a girl, what hurt me is some dont, well... ha ha,... lol just forget about it, im happy that some see me look at me that way xD. Alright, let continue on this story. After lunch, we hanged out at the movie threater, because we are still in school, we have 2 choices to make, we can watch movie "Thors" which is a new movie, all the guy that go on this party watched this movie, the other choices was "Prom", a movie that is almost like for girl only because it deal with girl emotion, cute guy, dresses and romance. Hey, guess what? All the girl watched this, and i go and watched it with them. And the girl was really happy to see me watching Prom with them Oh my God, the movie was soooo sooo cute i must say, i actually feel like i almost cried when i saw the guy break the girl heart. After the movie, when i went home, i wished that i could have done better like i really want to say "awwwww" like other girls, but because there were teachers there and it feel awkward to say it out xD but the teachers already know that i want to be a girl anyway lol. But that was a great day

Third, it is almost graduation, only 4 more weeks of school!!!!!!!! I hanged out with girls as much as i can

Fourth, okay, this is a sad thing, but i will tell you 2 days ago, after searching on the internet some book that was written by transgenders or transsexual, i found a book called "Mom, I need to be a girl". So i downloaded it and read it, the book really inspired me, it made me cried 2 times and i was really sad after that. Then i become impatience, and gone mad, i was jealous and i wish i was the girl inside that book, but then after talking to Kimberly, she helped me calm down and remind me about what a girl really really is. It is not about cloth, it is about our mind, our spirit. Iactually know that before, but the book made me forgot, but i cant blame it, it is my fault for forget about it. But now i remember, thank Kim

Last thing i want to tell today is what I did today and what we did in the past week, our class is having a In and Out lunch party (i know we have lots of party lol, our class is the oldest in the school, and it almost graduation time so we have lots of party, so that we can remember each other ) What i did was now i actually go and sit down next to other girls (i hanged out with them before, but i never have enough brave to go and sit next to them infront of teachers and the boys at lunch time lol), and what make me happy is they were like "Hey! come here, sit with us ) (they didnt say that, they welcomed me and make a spot for me, but they didnt say what i just said lol, that why i said "they were like" ). Now im trying to spend more time with the girl in my class, and tonight, when my mom go home, i will try to finish all of my homework as soon as possible and ask her if she can teach me to cook ^.^ . Now let talk about what hurt me today, in the past week, our class had been learning to dance, first we learned line dance, and now we are learning square dance. When the teacher said that get a partner of opposite gender, i obviliously want a guy , the girls agree with me (not all of them however) that i should get a guy partner, and one of them even offer me if i want to dance the girl part and let her dance the guy part. But of course, there are rule, the teacher wont allow us to do that. But when the teacher was not in the class, we had a talk to each other, the guys asked who i wanted to dance with, i said that i dont care, i just want a guy. They smiled, said lol, and we all laughed, but then one of the guy asked me "Do you know that homosexual is a sin?" i said "Im not gay" and he was like "yes you are". And a girl said "he is a girl, not a guy so he is not homo" but 2 other boys was like "yes you are a guy", and i was like "no im not" and he go on "Yes" i said "no" and then he said "yes" then i said "chill down -.-, i am now, but i will not"and the conversation stopped. Well, it isnt really hurtful at all, but i felt like, "just wait there, one day i will be a real girl".

Today, when i got home, i found out that my room was searched, lucky me, i hid all of my cloth before i go outside, so it was safe. So when i get home today, the first thing i did was changed into girl cloth and take some pictures of me as a girl, to keep it, and to remember. Now i think that i will hid the girl cloths for a while and stopped wear the "right kind" of cloth (im not gonna say "crossdress" because im a girl inside, crossdress is a wrong term for me) and start crossdress in boy cloth again. I dont know when will i have a chance to wear cloth that suit me again, but at least, im happy with who i am now, im satisfied. Im fixing some of the picture (to reduce the size to 2mb) and i will upload them to the gallery soon. I must say, thank you for reading my post, im really happy that i found this forum, to share my feeling and to write down what i think, even when no one care about.

Thank you.

ps: I JUST POLISHED MY TOE NAIL ON SATURDAY :D :D :D :D :D YAY!!!! I didnt polished my finger nail because it is hard to hide. Now im wearing sock all day

Yes, you're likely to get called all sorts of names as you grow up and interact with others. Luckily, names can't hurt you if you remain strong enough not to fall prey to the bad people who use them. And luckily, as you've found out, many have no problem with your being who you are.

Remain brave, but try to avoid any angry arguments with your peers and family.

Did you get your mother to give you any cooking lessons?

yes we did

I am with Donna, Tiana. Try to avoid getting angry. It won't really help.

But I think you are doing well, so far. Being a teenager is hard enough. Being transgendered on top of it is just that much harder. I'm glad you have girls that are your friends.

i will try

Tiana it sounds like you are making a lot of great strides. hanging out with the girls and being accepted is a huge thing. Having even one person support you in choosing to be the girl in the couple for dancing is a gigantic accomplishment.

It's a shame that the boys at the dance reacted the way they did. But remember that this is after all a group of 8th grade boys. The boy in question has no doubt been taught what he believes by adults he respects. A quiet refusal to accept what he says is probably best, especially if you have the support of other students.

Hang in there. It sounds like you are making real progress with all of this at an internal level.

I always loved square dancing by the way. I was one of the quiet nerdy boys, and invariably got paired up with some of the toughest girls in school. You know, the kind who cleans her nails with a switchblade. It would be my one chance to talk to them and often went kind of well, surprisingly. I think my not recoiling in fear surprised them.