Crossdressers-Haven.com

My wife knows about what I do and I would like to tell my daughter about it. How do I do it?
I am sure she will support me!

Is your wife OK with you telling your daughter?

If, so, the next question is, why do you want to tell her? Why does she need to know?

If you are only want to do it just to get it off your chest, then that's not a good reason to tell. It takes your burden and possibly heaps it on your daughter, if she's not accepting.

Once you have your answers ironed out, then that's your lead in to discussing it with her.

Perhaps I ought to ask my wife. she is happy aboput me wearing

Been there done that. Told our daughter years ago. See http://davita-farley.webs.com/how_to/tel_chld.html. It explains how we went through the process and our thinking behind it. Hope it helps.

I told my kids because my wife was trying to use it as black mail for the divorce. So I told the kids. My estranged wife was not happy about it and has just got stranger since then.

I don't think there can be a simple answer to a question like this, so much depends on so many things, your relationship with your daughter, her age, her attitudes to the "different" her levels of compassion.

I hope one day to be able to share this with my daughter, but not yet, she is too young, and confused enough with her own puberty, I do not think it would be fair to add my problems to her burden.

I do find the secrecy (and therefore lying - if only indirectly) from my family distressing, but I have come to the conclusion that that is part of the burden.

I have a set of twins a boy and a girl. They are 24 now. When they were 8 we told them. I was going to therapy at the time at a place specifically for gender identity issues and they also offered family counseling. We took them and the counselor said they were very well adjusted. My kids didn't say anything about me untill they were teenagers. Well, actually it was my son not my daughter at the time that said he didn't like it and he doesn't accept it. I felt horrible. For all those years I thought he was good with it. My daughter always said she had no problems. We even used to get our hair done together in matching outfits. Then we had some problems with her which I don't want to go into detail right now. For one reason there's not enough space lol. The other reason is I don't like to think about it as it upsets me too much but I will say she emailed me one day while she was in college and told me how she never liked it and that it bothered her. So now when someone asks me about telling their kids I guess it depends on the relationship they have with them and the kids themselves. I thought I had a good relationship with my kids. I thought we could talk about anything. I guess I was wrong. I do know a CD that has told the kids and they have no problem at all. They even buy her feminine gifts and they go shopping together.

I outlived my sibling without ever telling him. As for coming out to family, I have a couple links for you:

• This was from my efforts: http://davita-farley.webs.com/how_to/howout.html

• http://davita-farley.webs.com/reference/resource_2.html scroll down to the coming out section

Hope there is some helpful info in the links.

Lori Q. wrote: My kids didn't say anything about me untill they were teenagers. Well, actually it was my son not my daughter at the time that said he didn't like it and he doesn't accept it. I felt horrible. For all those years I thought he was good with it. My daughter always said she had no problems. We even used to get our hair done together in matching outfits. Then we had some problems with her which I don't want to go into detail right now. For one reason there's not enough space lol. The other reason is I don't like to think about it as it upsets me too much but I will say she emailed me one day while she was in college and told me how she never liked it and that it bothered her. So now when someone asks me about telling their kids I guess it depends on the relationship they have with them and the kids themselves. I thought I had a good relationship with my kids. I thought we could talk about anything. I guess I was wrong.

I don't want to belittle the problems you've got with your kids, and maybe it's not this, but classically children do rebel as teenagers. So it's quite possible that things that seemed anyway acceptable before suddenly become things that aren't.

Anthony Simon wrote:

Lori Q. wrote: My kids didn't say anything about me untill they were teenagers. Well, actually it was my son not my daughter at the time that said he didn't like it and he doesn't accept it. I felt horrible. For all those years I thought he was good with it. My daughter always said she had no problems. We even used to get our hair done together in matching outfits. Then we had some problems with her which I don't want to go into detail right now. For one reason there's not enough space lol. The other reason is I don't like to think about it as it upsets me too much but I will say she emailed me one day while she was in college and told me how she never liked it and that it bothered her. So now when someone asks me about telling their kids I guess it depends on the relationship they have with them and the kids themselves. I thought I had a good relationship with my kids. I thought we could talk about anything. I guess I was wrong.

I don't want to belittle the problems you've got with your kids, and maybe it's not this, but classically children do rebel as teenagers. So it's quite possible that things that seemed anyway acceptable before suddenly become things that aren't.

Oh no I understand. Only thing is they are 24 now and still they don't accept it

Lori Q. wrote:

Anthony Simon wrote: I don't want to belittle the problems you've got with your kids, and maybe it's not this, but classically children do rebel as teenagers. So it's quite possible that things that seemed anyway acceptable before suddenly become things that aren't.

Oh no I understand. Only thing is they are 24 now and still they don't accept it

My problems with my father lasted after teenage - really only being resolved in my 30s. But I've had ca 25 years after that when it's been good (well, mostly). It can be hard once you've got all wound up about something as a teenager, kind of asserted your independence through it, to let go of it. Like it feels you may go back into being a dependent child again.

The other thing is that once adults decide they think one thing, then it's like hell to get them to admit they might be wrong, because pride comes into play. Both me and my father have a lot of problems with that. It was only really the intervention of a family friend, who happened to be a psychological professional, that got us over that nasty little knot.

Because your wife has these very serious physical problems, you're also denied much of the help she could provide, which is really sad (apart from the other aspects of it).

I started this chat with a query concerning telling my daughter but it seems to have gone a different way via other views. My question is still there as to how I tell my daughter that I CD. We live in NW England & Katie lives in London. She skypes us quite regularily and I feel that before I get caught out I should tell her but how?
I have followed up this in any link in "coping as a CD" which started off about telling a sister.
I prepared an e-mail to send to Katie with a full explanation and asked colleagues on the forum their views. Some were absolutely against it, some said it was too long and I revised it and some said I should do it face to face after discussing it with my wife. I decided this was the best tack, My wife is aware of and accepts my cross-dressing. I try to wear feminine attire when I can and at all times with such items as undies (Bra, cami, panties, pantyhose). I haven't worn entirely outside the house except to a limited degree very discreetly (Bra, unisex to, shorts with pantyhose or Joggers).
I brought up the point with my this week and it helped tremendously. We felt Katie ought to be told instead of me being caught out but that we should do it face to face nxt time we meet (probably early November). The same conversation also I felt helped with my general cross-dressing activities. Incidently I realised that yesterday, which was a colder day, I was wearing a sweater that Katie had passed on to me. It is slightly fitted and shows up my boobs with or without a bra. I as wearing it when we skyped last night. My CD actions involve the feminine fragances and deoderant.
Helpful comments would be acceptable

A face-to-face is good. I'm not quite sure though if it's just going to be you talking or you and the better half. It needs to be both of you. Anything either of you say gets reinforced by the other and that if there are any questions of either of you, you are both there to resolve them. Both of you there shows there are are no secrets from each other too.

It would be both of us

I have decided after a lot of thought that I must tell my daughter and hopefully I might be able to do it tonight. I must get a repetitiv subject off my mind and it will b e a lot easier when I do. She will probably skype me later.