I just need to talk -- replies won't be necessary
Posted: Mon May 24, 2004 7:23 am
Once upon a time, I was all-too-briefly married to the most wonderful woman I ever met. The only problem in our marriage was her disapproval of my CDing. (I had told her about it early in our courtship, but of course I didn't have all the information I have now.) She said, essentially, as long as I was in menswear when she got home from work, it was okay.
For reasons I would rather not divulge in detail, she was unable to continue working, and was forced to stay home. My at-home CDing was virtually at an end (I was working out of an office we had set up at home, so now we were both home 24/7). I could still wear pantyhose and maybe a bra under my drab, as long as she didn't notice, but I was so much in love and felt her needs came first.
It was mid-autumn, 1988. I was in my office. Suddenly I looked up and say my wife standing in the doorway, holding a womenswear catalog. She handed it to me and said, "Take a look through this. If you want anything, we'll order it." Knowing how she felt about my CDing, I immediately said no.
I was too stupid to understand what she was saying. While I was hearing "I'm not going to stop you anymore," she was saying "I won't be around much longer to stop you anymore."
Four days later I was sitting in the waiting room of the local hospital, when a doctor came in and told me, "I'm sorry, sir, but we did everything we could." (Ironically, if I had accepted the catalog offer, anything I ordered would have arrived after her passing, and I probably would have gone over the edge.)
Over the next year, our apartment became increasingly larger and emptier and lonelier, so I moved to another part of the country. About two years after that, I started CDing more openly.
One Sunday morning, about 3 a.m., I awoke in a cold sweat because of a dream. The previous Thursday night was my first time out as Barbara (my local tavern had instituted "ladies night" and something in me said "Go for it.") In the dream, my wife came back to me, looking lovelier than ever, resplendent in wings and halo. She told me that she had been witness to Barbara's debut. She told me how beautiful Barbara looked. She told me she saw that everyone was having a good time, me in particular, and that nobody seemed to mind that her husband was wearing a dress. Then she took me in her arms and told me how very sorry she was for never giving herself a chance to get to know Barbara, and that she realized she missed out on a wonderful "girlfriend" relationship.
Ever since then, Barbara has had a guardian angel to take care of her.
Today is May 24. It would have been our 18th wedding anniversary. And my love and respect for that woman has not diminished one iota.
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Thanks for letting me ramble.
For reasons I would rather not divulge in detail, she was unable to continue working, and was forced to stay home. My at-home CDing was virtually at an end (I was working out of an office we had set up at home, so now we were both home 24/7). I could still wear pantyhose and maybe a bra under my drab, as long as she didn't notice, but I was so much in love and felt her needs came first.
It was mid-autumn, 1988. I was in my office. Suddenly I looked up and say my wife standing in the doorway, holding a womenswear catalog. She handed it to me and said, "Take a look through this. If you want anything, we'll order it." Knowing how she felt about my CDing, I immediately said no.
I was too stupid to understand what she was saying. While I was hearing "I'm not going to stop you anymore," she was saying "I won't be around much longer to stop you anymore."
Four days later I was sitting in the waiting room of the local hospital, when a doctor came in and told me, "I'm sorry, sir, but we did everything we could." (Ironically, if I had accepted the catalog offer, anything I ordered would have arrived after her passing, and I probably would have gone over the edge.)
Over the next year, our apartment became increasingly larger and emptier and lonelier, so I moved to another part of the country. About two years after that, I started CDing more openly.
One Sunday morning, about 3 a.m., I awoke in a cold sweat because of a dream. The previous Thursday night was my first time out as Barbara (my local tavern had instituted "ladies night" and something in me said "Go for it.") In the dream, my wife came back to me, looking lovelier than ever, resplendent in wings and halo. She told me that she had been witness to Barbara's debut. She told me how beautiful Barbara looked. She told me she saw that everyone was having a good time, me in particular, and that nobody seemed to mind that her husband was wearing a dress. Then she took me in her arms and told me how very sorry she was for never giving herself a chance to get to know Barbara, and that she realized she missed out on a wonderful "girlfriend" relationship.
Ever since then, Barbara has had a guardian angel to take care of her.
Today is May 24. It would have been our 18th wedding anniversary. And my love and respect for that woman has not diminished one iota.
---------------
Thanks for letting me ramble.
:: warm hug ::