Been for a while since i posted, right?
Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 2:24 pm
I feel like the longer I wait the more stories I have to write later on. It had been forever since I last post something on this forum.
So excuse me, this post shall be a long post, but, it contains a lot detail about my life.
Let’s travel back in time, long time ago. Let’s start at summer last year. I remembered posting a topic about my summer, about me and my family went camping. Summer was a horrible time; I will not go in detail, because it reminds me of sadness. I cut myself 3 times during the summer, leaving me with 3 small scars on my arms. But other than that, nothing else interesting happened.
Move on, school year begin. I went to FV high school. I was so nervous before school started. Although, I looked forward it. School started off easy. I enjoy my class. I took Japanese, World Geography, English, PE, Intergrated Science and Accelerated Geometry. Out of all, I enjoyed Japanese the most. I made several friends, and after several weeks, I eventually started my own programming club.
Nothing interest happened until the 23rd of September, the club rush day. On this day, every single club display themselves outside to recruit people for their clubs. Here, I found Gay Straight Alliance club. I joined the club. And that is the starting point of my story in high school.
Wednesday next week, I went to the first club meeting, lots of people were there, well yeah, fun, but after like 5 mins sitting down listening to the supervisor of the club, I was surprised to find a friend who sit behind me in PE, come to the meeting. I was scared, I wasn’t ready to come out yet, but, after talking to her, she revealed that she is straight, and just a supporter, and I revealed to her that I’m a transsexual. Later that night, we had a talk, and she encourage me to come out.
As the story go on, she helped me go out, and eventually, about 3 weeks later, 6 people know about it. They are all supportive, and I hang out with those 6 people everyday. But, this isn’t the raising action yet, it just the starting point. After Halloween, I decided that I wanted to cosplay as an anime girl, and I talked to a friend, who became the most important person in my school life.
I talked to her as lunch time, talking about getting me fabric and sew it. She told me “wow, you are a boy and you can sew? Nice”, and I told her “Yeah”, and after showing her some of the cloths I made for my stuffed animal, when she got home and talked to me on facebook, she asked me if I was gay, I didn’t say anything much, until she told me it is fine, because she herself is bisexual. And then I revealed to her that I’m a transsexual. She said her new goal is to help me become a girl.
After that about 3 weeks, she went to the store and bought me some female cloths. And on the first day of the next week, I received those cloths and crossdressed in public.
Now people starting to question me. But, thank to her, she said that if anyone ask me why I’m dressing like this, just tell them that I lost the bet. It work! And I gained some supporter, and eventually, some close friend. But then… 3 days after that, my parent found out that I still haven’t stop crossdressing, they grounded me and lecture me,… horrible time, but I won’t give up.
Winter time, winter break. 2 weeks break, happy time for other people, but for me, it was the worst Christmas that I had.
On the Sunday of the first week, my parent and my mom’s brother (yeah my parent starting to tell other people in the family now) teamed up to preach against me. They state that it a mental disorder, blah blah blah, saying I must stop because it will lead me to no where, such and such. No matter how hard I tell them this society accept it, they wont hear me, saying that they are Medical doctor, + surgery specialist + psychologist, they think they know more than I do and they only want the best thing to happen to me. And eventually, they threatened me that they going to switch me to homeschool, put me to mental hospital,… I shut up to avoid those.
Wednesday, New Years eve, I gave another attempt to convince them, but this time, I tried my best to “not making them mad”, and… after 3 hours talking, no matter how hard I try, I’m left with 2 choice: 1. Keep being this way and go to mental hospital, switch to homeschool, etc, or 2. Obey them and going to school. Fml. Of course, I don’t want to drop out of school, that place is where all of my support come from, I pretended to go with choice 2.
Back to school, I secretly went to the school psychologist (my parent wont let me to to counselor and told me not to). Surprised to me, instead of getting useful information, after about 30 minutes of talking, she told me “The best way for you to get over this is to keep talking to your parent, I will call you sometime next week”. And I walked out of her office, angry, told myself “I wasted my time, I came to there because I already gave up on convincing my parent”…
She never called me until atleast a month later.
I talked to my friends, they helped me relieve my stress. But eventually, I feel so bad that I cutted myself another time. But of course, I won’t give up. I stopped crossdressing out in public for a while, because I think my parent will spy on me, and also because they cut my hair short, so now if I crossdress, people are going to be like “wtf are you wearing” (well my hair was short when I first crossdress in public, too, but it is wayyyy shorter now).
Thing go like that until 3 weeks ago, when I gave up that I can’t go on living as a boy. I talked to a friend of my, and she let me borrow her Japanese school girl outfit. I crossdress out in public with short hair, again, and was super happy. And then, my friend got me a wig, I started to crossdress again. And my friends said that I look really pretty as a girl. I even made a youtube channel [Link deleted; contact Tiana via PM for same. - SL] with myself playing piano as a girl. I was so happy. And of course, my parent doesn’t know about it.
The psychologist call me up when I was crossdressing in the Japanese school girl outfit.
She said it been awhile since she last see me, and use “she had been busy” as an excuse for why she didn’t call me up. She asked if I had talk to my parent, and I told her I just cant because if I talk to them they might drop me out of school, and such. After talking for a while, me and her agree that we need to find a place for me to change for PE (before that, whenever I crossdress I have to ask my teacher to leave early so that I can run to the bathroom and change). And she sent an email to all my teacher saying that I would prefer to be treated as a girl.
…
Oh well, I don’t know what else to put. That is like my story. It might seem short to you, but, to me, it feel like a century had passed.
Right now, I have lots of friend who accept me as a girl, I have 2 friends who willing to go to the store to buy me cloth, and of course, my teacher treat me like a girl, too.
Excuse my bad English, I’m not a naitive English speaker.
[Photo deleted; Tiana may add it to her gallery album. - SL]
So excuse me, this post shall be a long post, but, it contains a lot detail about my life.
Let’s travel back in time, long time ago. Let’s start at summer last year. I remembered posting a topic about my summer, about me and my family went camping. Summer was a horrible time; I will not go in detail, because it reminds me of sadness. I cut myself 3 times during the summer, leaving me with 3 small scars on my arms. But other than that, nothing else interesting happened.
Move on, school year begin. I went to FV high school. I was so nervous before school started. Although, I looked forward it. School started off easy. I enjoy my class. I took Japanese, World Geography, English, PE, Intergrated Science and Accelerated Geometry. Out of all, I enjoyed Japanese the most. I made several friends, and after several weeks, I eventually started my own programming club.
Nothing interest happened until the 23rd of September, the club rush day. On this day, every single club display themselves outside to recruit people for their clubs. Here, I found Gay Straight Alliance club. I joined the club. And that is the starting point of my story in high school.
Wednesday next week, I went to the first club meeting, lots of people were there, well yeah, fun, but after like 5 mins sitting down listening to the supervisor of the club, I was surprised to find a friend who sit behind me in PE, come to the meeting. I was scared, I wasn’t ready to come out yet, but, after talking to her, she revealed that she is straight, and just a supporter, and I revealed to her that I’m a transsexual. Later that night, we had a talk, and she encourage me to come out.
As the story go on, she helped me go out, and eventually, about 3 weeks later, 6 people know about it. They are all supportive, and I hang out with those 6 people everyday. But, this isn’t the raising action yet, it just the starting point. After Halloween, I decided that I wanted to cosplay as an anime girl, and I talked to a friend, who became the most important person in my school life.
I talked to her as lunch time, talking about getting me fabric and sew it. She told me “wow, you are a boy and you can sew? Nice”, and I told her “Yeah”, and after showing her some of the cloths I made for my stuffed animal, when she got home and talked to me on facebook, she asked me if I was gay, I didn’t say anything much, until she told me it is fine, because she herself is bisexual. And then I revealed to her that I’m a transsexual. She said her new goal is to help me become a girl.
After that about 3 weeks, she went to the store and bought me some female cloths. And on the first day of the next week, I received those cloths and crossdressed in public.
Now people starting to question me. But, thank to her, she said that if anyone ask me why I’m dressing like this, just tell them that I lost the bet. It work! And I gained some supporter, and eventually, some close friend. But then… 3 days after that, my parent found out that I still haven’t stop crossdressing, they grounded me and lecture me,… horrible time, but I won’t give up.
Winter time, winter break. 2 weeks break, happy time for other people, but for me, it was the worst Christmas that I had.
On the Sunday of the first week, my parent and my mom’s brother (yeah my parent starting to tell other people in the family now) teamed up to preach against me. They state that it a mental disorder, blah blah blah, saying I must stop because it will lead me to no where, such and such. No matter how hard I tell them this society accept it, they wont hear me, saying that they are Medical doctor, + surgery specialist + psychologist, they think they know more than I do and they only want the best thing to happen to me. And eventually, they threatened me that they going to switch me to homeschool, put me to mental hospital,… I shut up to avoid those.
Wednesday, New Years eve, I gave another attempt to convince them, but this time, I tried my best to “not making them mad”, and… after 3 hours talking, no matter how hard I try, I’m left with 2 choice: 1. Keep being this way and go to mental hospital, switch to homeschool, etc, or 2. Obey them and going to school. Fml. Of course, I don’t want to drop out of school, that place is where all of my support come from, I pretended to go with choice 2.
Back to school, I secretly went to the school psychologist (my parent wont let me to to counselor and told me not to). Surprised to me, instead of getting useful information, after about 30 minutes of talking, she told me “The best way for you to get over this is to keep talking to your parent, I will call you sometime next week”. And I walked out of her office, angry, told myself “I wasted my time, I came to there because I already gave up on convincing my parent”…
She never called me until atleast a month later.
I talked to my friends, they helped me relieve my stress. But eventually, I feel so bad that I cutted myself another time. But of course, I won’t give up. I stopped crossdressing out in public for a while, because I think my parent will spy on me, and also because they cut my hair short, so now if I crossdress, people are going to be like “wtf are you wearing” (well my hair was short when I first crossdress in public, too, but it is wayyyy shorter now).
Thing go like that until 3 weeks ago, when I gave up that I can’t go on living as a boy. I talked to a friend of my, and she let me borrow her Japanese school girl outfit. I crossdress out in public with short hair, again, and was super happy. And then, my friend got me a wig, I started to crossdress again. And my friends said that I look really pretty as a girl. I even made a youtube channel [Link deleted; contact Tiana via PM for same. - SL] with myself playing piano as a girl. I was so happy. And of course, my parent doesn’t know about it.
The psychologist call me up when I was crossdressing in the Japanese school girl outfit.
She said it been awhile since she last see me, and use “she had been busy” as an excuse for why she didn’t call me up. She asked if I had talk to my parent, and I told her I just cant because if I talk to them they might drop me out of school, and such. After talking for a while, me and her agree that we need to find a place for me to change for PE (before that, whenever I crossdress I have to ask my teacher to leave early so that I can run to the bathroom and change). And she sent an email to all my teacher saying that I would prefer to be treated as a girl.
…
Oh well, I don’t know what else to put. That is like my story. It might seem short to you, but, to me, it feel like a century had passed.
Right now, I have lots of friend who accept me as a girl, I have 2 friends who willing to go to the store to buy me cloth, and of course, my teacher treat me like a girl, too.
Excuse my bad English, I’m not a naitive English speaker.
[Photo deleted; Tiana may add it to her gallery album. - SL]
That she e-mailed all your teachers was a highly significant step. Don't under-estimate the significance of her actions. Continue to make friends in school who will support you, and you will have those friends for the next four years, and even into college. Social support is critical to your personal development. Don't ever give up.