Crossdressers-Haven.com

I'm new here and newly "in the know" of my SO's Cross Dressing, but when I read about those who have been keeping this secret from their wives for years and decades it makes me really sad for them. I've been researching the heck out of CDing ever since finding out, and have come to realize that this is a deeply ingrained, usually life long need of the CDer. I feel so badly for those who feel they cannot share this part of themselves with the one person they should be able to confide in.

Speaking for myself, it would have been devastating for me if I had discovered his secret on my own. I would have been extremely hurt and it would have seemed like a betrayal, and probably like a very negative thing. And trust me, eventually I WOULD have found out because I pay attention and I don' t miss much, LOL. I'm so glad that he revealed this to me himself, and fairly early on. He did it in baby steps, a little at a time, and because I didn't reject him, he kept revealing more until it was all out there. Honestly, this isn't something I would have chosen, but I'm fairly open minded, as long as there is no threat to what we have, and I always try to be supportive of peoples' idiosyncrasies and personal choices. I'm learning that most CDers are totally heterosexual with no desire to "become" a woman, which is the case with my SO. So there's no threat here, and we feel closer now than ever.

Now shopping is a newly discovered activity we can enjoy together! Not only that, but he now has the freedom to explore and express his feminine side! I'm teaching him about applying make up, and how to accessorize, and it's opening a whole new world for him. I feel good knowing that he's so happy! Anyway, I just hope that those who are hiding this part of themselves from their mates can find some way to open up and finally enjoy an open, trusting and safe relationship. I will be pulling for you!

Hi Nature Gal, so nice to have you here at the haven. Although I'm single, never married, it's so nice to have your insight into our world of cdrsing. Something deep inside of us for sure and not going away EVER. I hope the best for both of you, merry xmas and hope to hear more from you, you both should join us in the chatroom, lots of great girls and a few gg's there to have great chat with. nicole

Thank you Nicole Rose, and Merry Christmas to you too! I haven't ventured into a chat room yet, but I shall do so soon. Thanks for the invitation and I will look for you there when I pop in.

Hi Nature gal--
It's a new era now, where a CD can go on the Internet and find out that he is not alone. That was not the case for anyone born before, say, 1978.
The only thing any of us knew about CDing for sure was that it was a joke at best, and a fiercely ridiculed or condemned practice at the worst. 95% of CDs figured they would never find a mate if they were open about this, and there was no one to talk to, and nothing to read except clinical books and an occasional biography of prominent transsexuals.

There is still not a lot of acceptance out there. But at least an 18 year old CD can read your posts, and other SO posts, and see that it is possible to find someone. They also can see how disasterous it can be NOT to tell, and how many members of this forum make it a point to tell their second wives upfront. All this shared experience was not available before.

Anyway, I'm glad it's working out for you and your SO. I never had to deal with it in a relationship, and I was lucky. It came back in my life when I was single, and I had a lot of freedom to deal with it in whatever way I needed to do. I am very grateful for that.

Hi Anita,

I can appreciate that for sure, having been born before '78, LOL. The internet truly has afforded us the opportunity to reach out in a safe anonymous manner to others who find themselves in a similar situation. My SO and I met at a mature age, both having been married before. I don't know that my younger self would have taken the news as well as my mature self has, that's for sure. My life experiences have exposed me to a great variety of people, some with life styles that are not "main stream", and given me the chance to learn to accept things I was wasn't even aware of at an earlier age. And I don't know that my SO was accepting of his desire/need to CD in his younger years either. Had we actually met & married in our 20's or 30's I wonder if he would have found himself afraid to tell me. I'm so grateful that is not the case, but my heart is heavy for those who can't or won't be themselves in front of their wives.

HI again Nature Gal, you are so right in all your comments and experiences, I can tell you'll be a great help to many so's here, as well as us crds. Please do come chat with us, there are so many nice girls in chat, ask what you want and have a laugh or two. Busy time with xmas, but Saturday nights are usually busy in chat. Take care, enjoy the holidays Nicole, ps we need more gg's like you here

Thanks for your positive comments and support to your SO, Natural Gal. It is great to see this support from a CDer's SO as it provides support to all of us.

My wife know about Requal however even after 14 months she still remains somewhat apprehensive.

Requal Jo, I hope your SO will come to accept this and be supportive, and that the two of you are able to both find a balance that works for you.

Thoughts and ideas change with time. Our society is more liberal in its thinking today, than it was 30 years ago. The thought of some one having a fetish lead many to believe that the person must be some sick twisted pervert. Yet, is a sexual fetish any different from any particular desire, or taste that someone may have? We all have our quirks, yet to some their quirk is ok, but not anothers! We all have secrets, what makes one more important to keep has alot to do with where society currently sits, and how it will effect ones standing within our own local setting. Some of us choose the cards we are dealt, some of us have no choice, we are stuck with the cards dealt and we must play with them! Thus is life, accept it and move on, if there are secrets then we keep them to the best we can.

Oh where do I start?,
Nature Gal I LOVE you so much for your post as I know what you are saying, true almost all but not all of us are hetro
crosser dressers. Now this old gal has been CD'ing for nearly 61 years, go out regular and I am just a simple cross dresser
who just so enjoys dressing in women's cloths and trying to look like an everyday women , Now why I just don't know as it is who and what I am ,

You be kind and gentle with him as I kind of know he dearly loves you

Carol Ann wrote:Nature Gal I LOVE you so much for your post

Awe, thank you Carol Ann, that's so sweet

Carol Ann wrote:You be kind and gentle with him as I kind of know he dearly loves you

I sure know he does, as do I him, and yes, I will do that! He's one in a million and we're perfect for each other!

Your initial post and your followups are a lovely Xmas gift to all here. Thanks for sharing!!

Welcome to the group.

It is so encouraging to read posts like yours and know that there are people who try to understand and accept things that are a
little out of the "norm". You have learned a lot in a short time. Your spouse is very fortunate.

Gillian wrote:The thought of some one having a fetish lead many to believe that the person must be some sick twisted pervert. Yet, is a sexual fetish any different from any particular desire, or taste that someone may have? We all have our quirks, yet to some their quirk is ok, but not anothers!

You hit the nail on the head with that thought Gillian.

If I may, allow me to comment from two different angles. My wife sees my crossdressing as nothing unlike whether or not some like, say, liver ( ) versus swiss cheese ( ). So I just so happen to like wearing skirts, and panties, and bras, and garter belts and .. whew .. steady on girl..... no big deal. Its what I like.

Okay -- other angle -- and this where the quirky side is. I have a fetish for men's underwear - ah -- er men's underwear on girls. -- Now the whole aspect or even thought of it may be blasphemy to some here, it is their 'liver' if you will, it is none the less my swiss cheese. The fact that my wife is into it too, is just the bee kneez!

Important thing is though -- its my thing -- and my thing is just as quirky as 'your' thing. As Major Frank Burns on MASH said, 'Individualism is okay as long as we all do it together'

It was scary to tell her about it -- but it would be far scarier to hold it inside.

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

Hi Nature Gal,

We've spoke on another topic but want to say how much I agree with you here.
This is a first marriage for both of us, 34 years now. Way back when, he dressed privately and felt there was something wrong about it. Guilt and fear kept his desires hidden.

In raising kids came a need to buy a computer and eventually discover the internet, we're both techy backwards. That's when he found he was not alone, by far, and quite normal. Much later, I became suspicious, fearful, confused, and eventually accepting. More than accepting really, I love that my guy dresses as a pretty woman! As long as he is the husband foremost and I don't feel like I'm living with a woman, he can dress as much as he wants.

I too feel sorry for those who must remain hidden. There should be a site for non accepting wives so we could ask, 'why not'? Why not relieve the stress in the relationship and accept that the need to dress is not voluntary, it's a part of him that cannot change.
One downside though. I didn't ask for this and now must keep his secret from friends and family. A main reason I enjoy this site is so I can discuss issues of cross dressing with both the CD'er and partners.

Eileen