It turns out it is about happiness

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

Many of you have watched as I have struggled accepting the end of my marriage and myself as a crossdresser. I have looked at it every way possible I think. I was a good husband, always faithful and loyal, strong and caring. Always worked and was a good provider. I also have been a good dad. Very much involved in my childrens lives. I don't really drink except the occassional social drink. I smoke reefer, but only when my kids are asleep, an only in the privacy of my own home. My kids have never seen me high or intoxicated.

So I just could not understand how my wife could think she would end up with a better deal, and someone to love her more than me. I figured if no one is better than me, as far as she is concerned, I must really be a bad person. It was another blow to my already fragile selfesteem. Being here in Wyoming with my friend, I have finally got it figured out. For what ever reason, which I have since realized are unimportant, I am just not going to be able to make her happy. And for whatever reason, she has also realized this. She don't know what she is going to do, but she knows that whatever she does, it won't be with me. She still loves me, in some way. but the truth is, she has not been happy in a very long time. She has hung in there and thought it would get better, but for her, it has not.

So she is at a crossroads where she has decided that she must do something other than this, or she is never going to be happy. She has decided after 46 years that she is going to be selfish. And I can't really say that I blame her. I am in exactly the same situation. Except now I am going to be selfish too. I am going to make Elizabeth happy. For the first time ever. I already feel on top of the world just knowing I am really going to do it, without being put down or made to feel bad about myself.

She told me "We don't love each other, hell, we don't even like each other" I denied this because I know I love her very much. But the truth is, I don't love her. I love the person she used to be. The person she is now, I really can't stand. Just getting away from her made me realize how much she brings me down. Don't get me wrong, I mean I still love her, but not the way I used to and I really don't think I ever will. I think I was just so afraid that I would end up without love, that I was holding on to a love that I lost years ago. There really is nothing between us and has not been in quite some time. She is not the person I thought she was, and perhaps never was. So the reasons it is over are unimportant.

I have not felt this optomistic in a long time. I really am going to become the person I always wanted to be. And I must say, it is quite exilerating.

Love to all,
Elizabeth

[Loretta Ann]

Karlton and Elisabeth,

Enjoy your honeymoon!!!!!

[CJ]

Hi all,

Elizabeth,

Welcome to your own life, girl! The road ahead is full of possibilities; take the time to stop and smell the flowers and to look up at the clouds.

It's sad when a relationship doesn't work out, but it's sadder still when individuals "can't work themselves out" because they choose to stay in a faltering union from which love is absent.

Good luck to you, girl (whichever branch of the quantum tree you sit upon! ).

Love,
CJ

[Kathy]

Hi Elizabeth,

It sounds like you are heading down a wonderful new path in your journey through life. I hope it brings you the peace and happiness you deserve.

[Kay(SO)]

Elizabeth,

Sorry to hear about the demise of your marriage but it's good to hear that you have reached a kind of internal resolve and acceptance that it's time for you to move forward. Some of what you wrote made me think and of course, I can't keep my mouth shut and wanted to comment.

You wrote: She has decided after 46 years that she is going to be selfish.

Is it selfish to want to be happy, even if it doesn't include you? Isn't that what we all strive for and want in life? I was wondering if that word (selfish) comes from bitterness that is left over.

You also wrote: She told me "We don't love each other, hell, we don't even like each other" I denied this because I know I love her very much. But the truth is, I don't love her. I love the person she used to be. The person she is now, I really can't stand.

I agree that you probably love who you thought she was, not who she really is at all. And people do change, especially over 46 years! It could also be that she feels the same way. That you aren't who she thought you were or who she wanted you to be.

And then you wrote: Just getting away from her made me realize how much she brings me down. Don't get me wrong, I mean I still love her, but not the way I used to and I really don't think I ever will. I think I was just so afraid that I would end up without love, that I was holding on to a love that I lost years ago. There really is nothing between us and has not been in quite some time. She is not the person I thought she was, and perhaps never was.

As sad as this is, we all deserve to have our needs met and it's good that you are taking your life back and making positive decisions to be happy. I wish you well on your new journey and hope that you find love along the way.

Kay(SO)

[Virginia]

Good for you Elizabeth, I am so happy for you - You go and make Elizabeth happy!
I think Kay also hit upon one thing - you weren't who your wife "wanted you to be?" - how fair is that???? I hope that you both had some good times that you can reflect back on, but like Kay said - we change and the old saying "adapt or die." Well your relationship did not adapt to either of you changing and it is probably for the best. Just remember the good times and take Elizabeth's hand now and walk in the Magical Mystery Tour. Love ya,
Deborah

[Jadeanne]

Elizabeth,

I'm sorry that you and your wife grew apart, but people do not stay the same.

I feel that my wife and I are not the same people that we were when we were married almost 27 years ago, but we are the fortunate ones who so far have adjusted successfully if not always easily to each other as we change.

I'm glad that you did come to terms with your inner self and you are fortunate enough to have a supportive friend to stay with while you are starting your next stage.

Good luck - be the person you want to be!

Jadeanne

[Rebecca]

Hi Elizabeth,

The past forever history
The future always mystery
Learn what you need
Grow at your own speed
From the days when you cried
Love starts from inside

Love and best wishes to you

Rebecca xxx