I'm not very good with putting my thoughts in print and it take me ages to write the smallest of replies. I know what is in my heart and in my head, but I just have difficulty expressing in the writtern word.
The reason I'm attempting to do so now, is in response to the more deeper (brilliant) insighted posts that appear on this forum, (I tend to post mainly in 'Fun with CDing').
Firstly, I just wanted to say that since 'soup Kitchen, I advidly read all the posts in 'Do you now how I feel' / 'Coping for CD's' and have gone back some months. And I just wanted to say that I'm there in spirit for you, if not in type. A situation that I hope to remedy given time.
I don't think I could really even begin to explain why I love to 'dress' or why I love to explore my femme side, I just do. It's not a sexual thing, although I do get very excited in that sense that when I have the opportunity to 'dress', my heart starts to flutter, my mouth goes dry and I suppose I get a little nervous. Then its an ahhhhhhhhhhh and ohhhhhhh, then I feel contentment within myself and with the world. Perhaps I could have put that a little better, but I don't want to be here all night).
I wish this site, as I suspect many others do, had been around 20 years ago and life for me might have been different. I liken myself to a caged bird (no pun intended). I have been sat on my perch so darn long that I don't know any different, its my comfort zone. The door to my cage has been left open many times and yet I have never had the courage to take flight and gain my freedom. To express myself or tell the world who I really I am.
I have tried to deny my feelings many times and purged like everyone else. I even joined the services in an effort to put paid to my Cding once and for all. It didn't last long, you may deny your feelings to others, but you cannot deny them to your true self.
At one point when I was younger I can remember being 'dressed', looking out of the window at the people going by and thinking 'are you the only person in the world who behaves like this!!!!!!!!! Then I would ask myself the same old question 'I am I some sort of weirdo'?
I think the lack of knowledge and zilch communication in those days put me into that cage, where I have always remained.
I guess I'm really trying to say is, that many years ago I gave up trying to analyze myself and my behaviour. I just got on with life and now just enjoy being a girl when the opportunity arises and thank my lucky stars that I have remained sane in the process.
How ever I come across to you girls, I will always be committed to this forum and the girls who reside here. And I will always help in any way I can.
There I said it and I'm finished.
Love Charlotte xx
Big Hug!!!!!! I think you said what a lot of us try to say. Ain't great finding out you are not a "weirdo." That you actually have a beautiful gift to share with the world, even if you do not present yourself in public as a girl in physical appearance. You can still allow Charlotte to interact with those you come into contact with and leave them feeling the better for your having touched their life.
