Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi all, as many of you might know Amanda and I plan on raising our daughter knowing about her dad being a crossdresser. Now she is the ripe ol' age of 17 months I wanted to sort of give a 'report' on how this is all going down. I am also starting to keep a journal on this and eventually someday when she is grown can write a book. Anyway, this is what I have written so far (albeit, abridged for the sake of space)...

It seemed that our first full year as parents had gone really smooth and mostly problem free. I have been lucky to have two wonderful babysitters pretty much when ever we needed to have a night out or a few hours to go play tennis. This kid has been great, sleeping through the night, no colds or illnesses or trips to the emergency room, and also just a laid back happy go lucky tempterment.

I was not sure if she ever even noticed when Daddy was in girl mode for that first year. But as we enter the middle of her second year I think the differences are starting to be noticed. If not just because of the wig and breast forms and possibly difference in clothing and shoes as well.

It is odd how gender and sex differences seem already to plant their seeds. Even as somethng as simple as play. She does seem to have a more enjoyable time when she is with little boys, but not so much in a standard playing way, but a almost 'flirty' way. She seems to tilt her head more, smile , offer them toys, and just seem to be very interested in how little boys do things. Where as with little girls, she seems less interested in what they are doing, and more side by side play.

But some things have made me happy. She seems to have no preference to 'boy' or 'girl' toys. She is as happy to play "VROOM-VROOM" with cars and rock her stuffed bears and raggedy ann.

But there are wild worries that occasionally cross my mind. My dear husband has an affinity as to what I call "hooker shoes"....you know those 5" spike shoes which the working girls favor on street corners. I worry sometimes if those shoes will somehow magically influence her to become a pole dancer or something else which does not require higher education. I also have seen her grab my boa that I had hanging in the closet and I get visions of her singing 'happy birthday mr.president' Probably just irrational fears.

And sometimes I am not sure if a part of me feels jealous, but she calls her Dad 'Mom". She actually has started to do this so much that my sister in law commented that it was odd the other day.

When I was pregnant with her we both wanted to raise her with a very 'open' concept about gender. I made a conscious choice to decorate her room in blue and yellow, pretty non-specific gender colors. I want her to know that life has many choices and when she gets old enough to tell me that she either loves or hates dresses I will let her decide.

But, I would not be fully truthful if I did not say that all I ever wanted was a girl. And having her in some ways I hope will make all of our (best laid) plans work easier. I also hope a part of myself and my feelings about trans issues will somehow get passed down to her. Maybe on a deeper more genetic level. Is being compassionate and understanding something that comes from enviroment or is some of 'us' truly in her? I know only time will tell so utnil then I will hope her love of spike heels is 'not' genetic.

kathy in canada

Hi Kathy--
I am glad that you're choosing to raise your daughter this way, with openness from the start. It does carry a risk to do this, as you can see from your sister-in-law's puzzlement. Little children can't easily be censored, and they also have no reason to think that what they see isn't the same for everyone.

But that one I never even thought about--getting confused about Daddy looking like Mommy sometimes.

I'll certainly be waiting for your book!

Hi Kathy,
I too would add my congratulations to your child-rearing outlook! Sister,
Anita has a good point, that it is difficult to censor children. Can you handle her being in Sunday School or kindergarten and asking other children, "my daddy wears dresses, does yours?" The teacher over hears that and well If you don't have a problem with it, bless you!!!
My friend Brandi, who is having SRS in September has a son who she is raising by her self and he just turned 14. I was initially concerned about visiting Brandi as Virginia and then the next day be out on my boat with them as "moi". I had a very heart to heart with Brandi and she basically said that he knows that Virginia and "moi" are the same person and he basically does not care!! As long as he is treated with respect and loved he could care less how someone dresses or presents themselves!!! He is a great kid and it sounds like you are raising a great kid too!
Keep the faith,
Virginia

I think it's great that you are raising your daughter this way Kathy.

How does Amanda feel about being called Mom instead of Dad?

I would have a problem with it if it were me. It would feel like she was seeing me as a woman, not a man. Thus the attempt to teach her to accept my CDing would appear to be jeapordized, because she would appear to be leaning more to accepting having two moms instead of a mom and a CDing dad.

How does she act to seeing her dad (when he's not being Amanda)? Does she call him 'dad'? Has she seen her dad transform into Amanda so that she is more aware of what is going on?

Hi Kathy,

I really admire the fact that you are being honest with your child and letting her know her daddy as he really is. All my children know about me, although they are older. 11, 13, 18, and 22. They all accept my transgenderedness, because there really is no other option, this is who I am.

When me and Raven(SO) have children, they will only know me as I am. And for now that means I dress full time. I have given this great consideration and it boils down to this, at least for me. There are plenty of things that kids have to be embarassed about, about thier parents that are worse than crossdressing.

Children don't need parents who won't embarass them by wearing the wrong uniform, they just need to be loved. I would rather my children know I loved them enough to tell them who I really am, than continue lying to them and be a fraud. If in the end they choose not to accept me, I don't control that, but at least it will be their choice.

Love always,
Elizabeth