Crossdressers-Haven.com

Our hard-drive broke last week so me and Ed used my daughter's computer to go online. I asked Ed if it was OK to come on here...he said yes because he would delete the history...anyways, he forgot!
Last night my daughter came to me and said 'Are you a member of a crossdressers forum?!" I replied rather lamely 'yes, just out of curiosity.' (Sorry CJ, my improvisation skills go from bad to worse )
She immediately went to Ed and said "did you know Mum's a member of a crossdressers forum?!" She acted in a way like she doesn't think Ed is one, even though there's been plenty of clues as I've mentioned before and has been discussed with her before.
Ed just replied casually 'yes, she goes on it sometimes." Nothing more was said by her. Ed came in to see me and said "should we tell her?" I just don't feel like telling her even though it's probably the right thing to do. I'm worried that she might find it difficult to deal with and I'm worried that she might tell people. Ed says he's not too worried about people knowing.
I feel caught in a dilemma. I suppose we ought to tell her but I'm afraid of the consequences. I'm also worried she will look up this forum. My daughter knows I'm Curly...many people call me by this name, it's not just a forum name! I haven't ever written anything on this forum that wouldn't be good for her to see have I?!

Love,
Curly

Hi Curly,

You haven't ever said anything bad on the forum. You don't need to worry about that. She wouldn't be able to see anything in the SO area or this area, so you're cool there too.

It seems to be getting more and more tangled. It sounds like she knows already. I don't have a child, but I'm wondering if you want her to figure it out more or if you want her to know you trust her.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. I think you just have to trust yourself. I think you're a really good parent and that you have nothing to fear because of that. I would be worried to, but I think you have more to gain than to lose at this point, you know?

I wish you the best with whatever you decide and I support you, no matter what.

Gracie

Hi all,

Curly,

Your improvisation skills aside, you have the one ingredient necessary to open up the communication channels with your daughter, and that is "honesty." Maybe you just need to add a little more of it to the "soup" of your relationship with your daughter.

If Ed seems okay with her knowing, and if your own fears and concerns are addressed, then let her know. As I said before (and as Beauty just said above), chances are she already strongly suspects. See your post above? One thing you could do is to have your daughter read it. Read it again yourself and try to see if her reading it would not open up some doors that might let you and Ed and her all relate more authentically to each other. Of course, I imagine you'd probably be bombarded with questions. It would be up to both you and Ed to determine what more properly constitutes the bounds of your own privacy when talking about all this with your daughter.

The way I see it, you're tired of hiding from her the fact that you're partnered to a CD, Ed's tired of hiding from her that he's a CD, and she's more than likely tired of hiding from you the fact that she knows that Ed's a CD. All this hiding has just got to be a drain on everyone involved (and to think that it's for something so little as the fact that a man likes or needs to dress as a woman).

I can only speak from my own experience, Curly (and the experience of others, as we all know, may be diametrically opposed), but a greater honesty is usually the best policy. Especially in favourable circumstances (which yours are, given that it seems your daughter has inherited your openness and curiosity about the world).

Yes, there's always a possibility that her reaction may go the way of Jennifer's (who still struggles mightily to overcome her anger and resentment) but Jennifer was dealing with the lifelong secrecy of her father, not her mother's partner (however "fatherly" Ed may be with your daughter).

Ecchh! As usual, these things are always best handled on a case-by-case basis. You'll know what the right thing to do is (and when the right time to do that thing comes). Either way, you'll find no moral judgment here. Well, maybe except for the fact that, geez, woman! you need to improve your improv skills big time!

Love,
CJ

P.S.

Curly, just a reminder: everything you wrote on this forum and all your contributions (online art sites, puppy pictures, etc.) only go to make it a place that's hospitable to all, regardless of whether they're CD's or SO's. It just wouldn't be the same without your quirky sense of humour and your warmth.

Thank you Gracie and CJ for your great replies. I really know it is the right thing to do now, to tell my daughter (B). No...I'm thinking of asking Ed to talk to her first! ...I am such a coward! OK maybe it's best coming from me. AARGH I am working hard on this one!
Seriously, I do want to be open with B. I'm finding it hard as I come from a family where no one ever talked about anything personal (and CJ, I know I haven't posted on your 'letter to your Father' thread but I can so relate to that. I may post another time about my own family issues).
I haven't even talked to B about why her father and me divorced when she was six, though I'm sure her father has told her. Openness is something I have trouble with. I want to get over this, mainly because I don't want B to have the same problems with me that I do with my own family.
Ed is so much better at being open than me...he has taught me a lot and I'm sure once everything is out in the open I will feel so much better. B does talk to me about everything (and to Ed too). I just wish I found it easier, I don't want her to end up like me, not being able to talk about anything personal.
I am going to tell B and I will do it soon. Thanks for listening and being there for me.

Love,
Curly

Hi Curly,

If your daughter is mature enough to handle the truth, (Only you can guage that one) then maybe you and Ed should both sit down with her. I think if she hears it from both of you it may help. If you truly think she suspects he's a crossdresser, then it would probably be better to get things out in the open. Squelch any rumors or wild imaginings before they grow out of proportion.
Believe me when I say I understand your fears, as I am currently dealing with my own and how to deal with my kids. The circumstances are different here, but I honestly believe that you will gain more from opening up to her, especially if she has growing suspicions.
Remember kids today are pretty resourceful. If she has even the slightest bit of curiosity in her (and I think she probably does, as she's confronted you about this site) then I'm sure she's already been here lurking.
Don't faint! As Gracie said, she can't see certain areas without access. Besides, your posts are nothing to be ashamed of. (At least what I can read. )
Who knows, this may bring you closer together.

Yeah, yeah, the opposite can also happen, I know. Like I said at the beginning, only you can guage what affect this will have.

Well good luck, in whatever path you choose. Keep us posted.
Hugs,
Kyra

Just a quick hello... and thank you so much for your support and kind words...from my lovely friends!

B is at a sleepover tonight so I won't be chatting to her tonight but I will be able to chat to Ed about it. I will let you know how it goes.

Love,
Curly

Ed has just gone out to take the dog for a walk and tell B about his CDing!
Long story...he decided not to tell her at first because he was worried of the consequences, especially the one about other people finding out.
Anyway, we agreed we would not say anything unless she asked us directly, we agreed we would be honest if she actually asked a direct question.
Well, that happened today. Almost a direct question, anyway. Ed was writing an email to some friends who'd asked us round for dinner and was reading it out to me. B said 'are they friends you met on the forum, Mum? I was thinking maybe Ed was a CDer and hadn't told you" I know that doesn't make sense, seeing as it was me that she saw had logged on here, but it was her way of bringing her question out.
B went up to her room then (after I kind of dismissed it yet again) but Ed thought the time was right to tell her so I will let you know how it went later, folks!
I hope she takes it OK...

Love,
Curly.

B knows! Ed told her all about his CDing and our world has not come crashing down!

The first thing she said to me when she got back "I think it's really cool!'
I'm really proud of Ed for telling her. Up till now I've been the only person who he's ever told. We all chatted about it for a while. It wasn't at all uncomfortable or awkward. I think it really is no big deal in our house anymore

Ed doesn't want to go public with it so she hasn't got to deal with any embarrassment with her friends seeing him dressed. She has been cool about the whole thing. (I will take some credit here for bringing up such an accepting and understanding cool kid )

I hope that Ed may post on the forum about how he told B and how he felt about it...I will ask him to. It was only two days previously that he had said he didn't want to tell her, but on Monday, after her mentioning it again he just said "I will take B out for a walk with the dog and tell her' That must have taken some courage but he handled it brilliantly. (You won't know this as Ed hasn't got to know anyone one here, but he is a good communicator...far better than me, Ed can chat for England!)

Anyway, normality reigns in our house. Me and B had a huge row this morning. She had a school trip to London today. Was totally disorganised as usual so ran around moaning that she couldn't find her coat, batteries for camera etc etc. (I failed miserably on the 'teaching your child to be organised' class) She missed the bus, came back and demanded a lift to school as she didn't want to miss the coach to London, leaving the front door open so the puppy dashed out...I dashed out after, tripped up over the door step...I'm screaming and swearing like a fish wife by this stage, as I'm meant to be getting ready to drive a training course for work (again Local Government employer...they love sending us on courses, I'm so P.C like you wouldn't believe!). Goodness knows what the neighbours must have been thinking, with me falling out of the front door in my PJ's screaming at the dog and B at the same time! I ended up driving B to school, stressing about being late myself. I get a few miles into my journey then decide my foot is hurting so cut my losses and head home...my toe looks very odd, more odd than it did before! I think it's broken..days just don't get much better than this

Love,
Curly (It has taken a few hours for me to get to the stage where I can actually smile again )

Three cheers for raising a very cool, relatively normal kid!

I had to giggle when my son tripped over my sweetie in a pretty little black lace bra and panties and lipstick. Sweetie came in, all freaked out, and woke me from a nap saying I need to talk to son (at the time 17). I groggily went to find the kid, who was looking a bit shell-shocked. I said, "I hear we need to talk."

Kid - "I didn't see anything!"

Me - "Hmmm..."

Kid - "Really, Mom. I didn't see ANYTHING!"

Me - "Look. Some men like to wear women's clothes. Adults sometimes like different stuff. It doesn't mean he's gay and it doesn't mean he's going to get surgery and become a woman. He just likes to wear women's clothes sometimes." Followed by a fairly long discussion on Thou Shalt Not Out Him.

Never another word about it.

kids are really pretty cool...

-g(so)

Hi all,

Curly:

You.
Are.
Awesome.

It would be a most excellent thing if Ed shared with us how he felt, and went, about telling (B) of his CD'ing, but only if he's not pressured into it, eh! It was already a huge step for him to even tell her. You folks rock, Curly.

Now, I hear they offer remedial courses in 'teaching your child to be organised.' Get cracking, woman!

I hope the toe heals and gets back to looking sort of normal.

Love,
CJ

Curly,

Totally awesome news about B!! Big kudos to Ed too. His bravery only strengthens my resolve to tell Amber's mom (who lives with us now)

Be careful with that toe, it probably is broken. It shouldn't keep you immobile, though. Just call a Toe Truck!

Hugs,
Kyra

Hi all Hi Georgia..your son sounds pretty cool too! I think kids these days are a lot more clued up on stuff like this than we were when we were young...which is great! I think someone else started a thread recently on that very subject. (Sorry, I can't remember who just now)

OK CJ. I hold my hands up...I have been putting pressure on Ed to post...but hey it worked (with a some pressure from you also ) We may be hearing more from him soon My toe will never be 'normal' but rest assured it is a very beautiful thing

Krya...It actually took me about two hours to get your toe truck I think the top knuckle is kind of broke but it doesn't hurt at all now...it just doesn't bend anymore. I think I will live without a bendy toe!

It feels good not to have a secret and not have to talk in hushed tones and it's good we can talk about Cding in an everyday ordinary way. It hasn't become an unmentionable topic...we mention it as and when and it's all really cool! B did say she woke up the next day and wondered if she'd dreamt it as it was all a bit surreal!

Love,
Curly

I spoke to my daughter last night about how she felt about her step-dad being a CDer and was going to pass it on, on this forum. But then I decided to ask her if she would like to post how she feels, herself (saves me a job!) as she knows about this forum. She said she would be happy to do so, so has joined under the name of 'Victoria Sponge'. A T.V programme came on that she wanted to watch, obviously that took priority, so she will probably post later today!
Please remember...my daughter is only fifteen years old, folks! Though, if I thought there would be anything inappropriate on this forum I wouldn't have let her join...

Love,
Curly(SO)

Hi all,

Curly,

I think it's great that B. joined the forum. "Victoria Sponge," eh? Heh, that makes you "Curly Sponge," then. Your letting her join the forum is awesome; it's a sign that you trust us and that you have a fairly high regard for the maturity level of the members here. Thanks!

Having said this, please make sure that she very well understands the need to be circumspect about the more private aspects of your family life. This is still the internet and, although the members here are cool, the forum is open to the general public as well.

Victoria, if you're reading this, welcome aboard! Basically, these are the ground rules (as I'm sure Curly must've run them by you):

- Be fair
- Play nice
- Have fun
- Don't feel pressured into participating by anyone here (um, like I sorta did to Ed )
- Ask questions if you wish; you'll discover we're a garrulous lot (including we "long-winded Canadians" )
- Don't be afraid to check out Jennifer's thread, to see what one daughter's view (a daughter not much older than yourself) is like from a more difficult standpoint
- Above all, just be yourself

Again, welcome! I look forward to hearing your thoughts about this whole issue.

Love,
CJ