Is imitation the highest form of flattery?

[Gardenia_SO]

Hello all:

A few months ago, I read a couple of books about CDing (My Husband Betty and My Husband Wears My Clothes) . It was suggested in one of them that often people who CD are imitating women who play significant roles in their lives (i.e. moms and partners).

I've noticed that sometimes I'll wear something new or trendy (say a new pair of shoes) and find my guy wearing something similar a week later. He's on another bulletin board and his screen name seems derived from one of our private jokes.

My question to y'all is, do you believe the theory that CDs often imitate their SOs, and if so, is it flattery or just coincidence?

Thanks,
Gardenia

[CJ]

Hi all,

Gardenia,

I don't think it's necessarily either flattery or coincidence. My guess is that we "model" ourselves, first and foremost, on some ideal mental picture (and, no, as many a GG will say, it's often not a very realistic picture) of a woman and then we look to those GG's--SO's or not--that are closest to us for a bit of a reality check. This can include taking style or fashion cues from our wives or girlfriends.

I picture the train of thought in a crossdresser's mind going something like this:

...oh wow! awesome 5" heels... I hope they fit... but wait... do I actually know any women who wear these kinds of stilts?... hmmm... no, I don't... lemme see what she's wearing... hmmm... I'll wear what she's wearing... just to be on the safe side... ugh! how boring... oh well...

Or something like that, anyway.

Love,
CJ

[Virginia]

First thanks for contributing. I always look forward to reading and discussing with SO's. I mean, how close to the source can we get!!?? Thanks,
In answer to your question, I may be the exception, but I would not dress like my soon to be "ex." She has no taste in clothing at all as far as I am concerned. She wears such drab, cold colors, no flair, not really feminine in my opinion. No I would not even begin to imitate her style, colors or fashion.
Remember this is just me. My style when Virginia dresses and does go out is what I call "conservatively sexy!" I guess I have a philosophy of ,"if you got it flaunt it, but control it!!!!"
Thanks for participating, Gardenia!
Virginia

[Loretta Ann]

Hi, Gardenia,

It was suggested in one of them that often people who CD are imitating women who play significant roles in their lives (i.e. moms and partners).

That statement does not fit me in any way shape or forum. I would not like to be anything close to the three women who played a significant role in my life. (Mother, Sister, ex wife.)

The exact opposite is true for me. Any resemblance to the clothes they would wear would simply be because I liked the clothes, nothing more than that.

Any imitation that would come close to a form of flattery, would be (in my mind) an attempt to identify with a more caring women.

[Stephanie W]

Gardinia

My guess is that coincidence reigns more than imitation or flattery. Dressing style is a very personal choice, at least to me, and I prefer styles that I like and think looks nice on me. However, I do put a lot of faith in what my wife thinks and says regarding whether an outfit works or not. While we do share similar tastes when it comes to formal wear, we differ on other styles. Occasionally she may question some of my choices but that is mostly because of our different tastes as her preference leans more towards 'classic' styles. However, she will say if something looks nice even though she may not wear it herself. Bless her! Also, she is more comfortable in pants, so on THAT score, never our twain shall meet. But, if our sartorial paths do happen to cross, it's usually by coincidence.

Stephanie

[Anita]

Hi Gardenia--
I won't find myself imitating a style of dress. But a way of behaving, or certain expressions or ways of speaking--that I do. Clothes are very individual to me, since it takes a lot of work to find things that look good on me. Speaking, though--if I really get out of the way, I hear my mother and my sisters voices coming from me.

I know now that even before I started CDing as an adult, I was beginning to speak more like my last girlfriend. I noticed it at the time, and thought, "That's different. I never did THAT before." But I saw a lot that was valuable in how she related to people, and I begin moving toward that myself. It didn't alarm me at all, and I never imagined where I was heading--to dressing and going out in public. But this was in '95 or so, five years before I really became aware of a need to go out as a woman.

[DonnaT]

Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

You'll hear some CDs repeat that phrase because they think that it will help women accept there choice in clothing. Of course, as many have come to learn, women do not find it to be a form of flattery.

My wife grew up in a very conservative household, where her mother usually made her clothes. She joined the army at 18. Thus, she never really developed a style that I like, but as long as she likes it who am i to say different.

My mother, being raised in the mountains of WV, also doesn't really have a sense of style, and likes it when I buy her a dress or top. She always says she likes my style choices. I've recently told her about my CDing, so now she knows why a am good at choosing.

So, no, like a number of ladies, I'm an individual with my own likes and dislikes and see no need to try and imitate someone else's style.

[Jadeanne]

Gardenia,

I admit that when I restarted crossdressing, I wore the clothing available - my late mother's and my wife's. I came out to my wife a week after I started and she accepted it and gave me permission to borrow almost anything from her that fit.

For the first 6 months, I did not buy any outer clothing for myself, borrowing from my wife, but getting some lingerie, hosiery, and a few pairs of shoes of my own. For over a year, my usual dress-up clothes on Sunday evening was the dress or top/skirt that my wife wore to church that morning.

Eventually I started buying my own dresses, skirts, and tops, mostly online but sometimes getting some things in stores with my wife. Some of my choices are things my wife doesn't like for herself, but she has borrowed a few of my dresses from time to time to wear to church.

I don't think I follow her dressing style as closely as I once did, but we do shop together and I ask for her opinions on items I'm thinking of purchasing.

Jadeanne

[Stephanie H]

Gardenia:
I feel that yes we do look to emulate the female form of someone that has had a significant impact on our lives. This impact could from someone in our childhood or current phase of our life. Our SO or someone who has had an impressive impact on our beliefs and perceptions.

[Gardenia_SO]

Thanks for weighing in, ladies.

It's very interesting to me to see the variety of responses. It just goes to show you that we're all very unique.

I love this forum--it allows me to ask you all the questions that I don't have the nerve to ask my SO. I can ask him some questions, of course, but getting the opinions of neutral third parties is sometimes better.

Thanks again,
Gardenia

[Xenia]

Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

[...]My mother, ..., also doesn't really have a sense of style, [...]. She always says she likes my style choices. I've recently told her about my CDing, so now she knows why a am good at choosing.

So, no, like a number of ladies, I'm an individual with my own likes and dislikes and see no need to try and imitate someone else's style.

Hi,

I'd agree with Donna's statement.
That mustn't exclude unconscious imitation, however, neither influence of media, fashion industry etc.


And on Donna's story about choosing tyles for her mother:
Until my teenage years, my mother, when buying clothes for special events like dresses, evening gowns, etc., would order a couple, keep one and return those which she didn't like. Strange enough it was me, out of the bunch of children, whom she usually asked what to choose and whom she relied on. I enjoyed these occasions and usually knew immediately what would become her. I guess that she stopped asking me when I grew up because she might have thought it would be embarassing to a teenage boy.

Best

Xenia

[Stephanie W]

Hi Xenia

And on Donna's story about choosing tyles for her mother:

On the subject of this wonderful language of ours from your thread: Off Topic - Phonetics, this is one case where she might also be choosing 'tiles' for her as opposed to tyles if she were re-doing her bathroom for example. Or tires as opposed to tyres depending on which side of the Atlantic one resided. Phonetically speaking, either one would work unless you were indeed discussing fashion/phashon, in which case, 'style' (not 'stile') would be the correct word du jour.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Stephanie

[Xenia]

Hi Xenia
[...]Sorry, couldn't resist.

Hi Stephanie,
LOL – 2:1 for you. Neither could I have resisted

Best
Xenia

[Chrissie]

There are a few women in my life who, how can I say this...they are on the outside the girl that I am on the inside, Chrissie's twin sisters! But I wouldn't necessarily dress like them, except for one--she has my taste in clothes, she's totally cool, has the body I would want to have, and I love the way she moves and thinks and laughs. Do I imitate her? Yes, but I think that's completely natural--I imitate all my friends to some degree or another.

[Dixie Darling]

Is Imitation the most sincere form of flattery? Good question!!! From a personal point of view it's not always necessarily that the crossdresser is imitating one particular person, but rather the feminine gender in general. Keep in mind that if we (crossdressers) weren't impressed by what we see in the feminine world, we probably wouldn't have as much motivation to want to emulate it. It's pretty common for someone to want to do someting - such as dress enfemme - when they believe that the persons they see are truly enjoying dressing and looking the way they do. You might compare this to someone who watches others skydive, scuba dive, drive race cars, ride motorcycles, fish, hunt, or any of hundreds of other activities. If the viewer senses that the participants in whatever he/she is watching is having fun in whatever it is that they're participating in, and they have an interest in the same thing, it's only natural that they would develop a desire to experience participating in the activity themselves. It's much the same with crossdressing. We see a pretty woman who, by all indications, is enjoying wearing what she's wearing and is confident that she has done her best to look as pretty as possible and we wonder how that must FEEL. Obviously not all males have this type of outlook since all males aren't crossdressers. But for those who are, this imitation is indeed a COMPLIMENT to the GGs who impress us.

Dixie Darling -- (senorita_cd)