Crossdressers-Haven.com

I have been a member here for a while and I have enjoyed every minute, thank you all for such a great forum. My SO or Betterhalf Loy has reciently joined and I want to thank you all for letting her feel at ease. Loy and I have been together for going on five years, not all bad, she has made my life complette to say the least. I know I put her though the ringer with me dressing and she puts up with me trying new things to us both. I keep asking what I did to deserve such a loving woman, I keep comming up with a blank. She deserves much more than I could ever give, I will never do enough in my mind to please her.
I have thought why I dress sometimes, I love to dress, thats a given, but while I am dressed I feel like a different person. I can be a more forward person, I have a habbit of comming out of my shell when I dress, especially with Loy. I can be a more attentive partner when I am dressed, I hope that sounds right, I dont want to get graffic cause graffic is not me.
We have two lovely girls, Lessa and Moira, 4 yrs and 2 yrs, and I have had some question asked of me from different folks about me dressing around them. I tell the people that ask me that our two girls have a loving father who would give his life for them and their Mother. I know some folks who say I shouldnt dress around them, that they may get a skewed view of what a Man is. I think that they have a good sense of what a good man is and their Father is a loving one who will always be there for them. They may drive us all nuts but thats what they are for, so we can have something to giggle at in the evenings after they go to betiime.
Hmmm, I know I ramble on and on but tis my way. I have a lot of feeling pent up inside sometimes, OK all the time. I dont let a lot out, I dont like to worry Loy and we get our wires crossed but we do OK.
Well, I have wasted enough of yalls time out here, I hope I didnt bore you all too much.

Love ya all,

Van

Hi Van,
I don't think you need to worry about rambling on here. As far as I'm concerned, you can just type away until your fingers are sore. And I'm sure none for the other ladies here are worried about it either.
It sounds like you love your family very much and thats a good thing. And when comes to your children, the first 5 years of thier life is when they learn behavior that stays with them a lifetime. You teaching them that your a good transgendered person is doing the whole world a great service.

Anyway I say come here an vent your feelings as offen as you like.

Hugs,
Danette

Yes, teaching your daughters at this early age, IMO, is the right thing to do.

You're not rambling or wasting our time. You're speaking how you feel Hon. You are very lucky to have Loy. She is one in a million. Don't be so hard on yourself. She loves and accepts you as the person you are. It seems to me that she finds you a wonderful, caring person and loves you. That's wondeful.
My wife of 25 years left in October after I told her and all her girlfriends and family never speak to me anymore. Consider yourself lucky hon. It always could be a lot worse. Trust me. I know! I wish both of you the best! Hugs and lipstick kisses.


Love
Jeannie

Hi all,

Van,

Not boring, not at all! The day that we, here, who are trying really hard to deal with our feelings (about ourselves, others, the world) will find it boring to read about someone's feelings is the day it'll be time to close up shop.

About the concern some people have regarding your dressing around your daughters (two females: Yay! ): while these people may say (wrongly, I think) that they'll be confused about what a father is supposed to be, they lose sight of the fact that your kids will certainly know what a good, caring, authentic, and sensitive person is supposed to be like. Neither males nor females have dibs on this territory (as Loy suggests) and, the sooner your little ones discover this, the sooner they'll be on a path, themselves, where they'll know that it's what lives in their hearts that moves mountains, not anything else.

Authentic selfhood is not built in the shadows. Dress. Express. Love. Care. Be.

Love,
CJ

To everyone here, A loving thank you. To my betterhalf, because she is the better half of me, I love you. You and our girls are my life, no doubt. I still say I am the lucky one, you put up with so much, and you have my heart for that always. If only everyone out here could have a love as good as ours, it would be so wonderful.

Loving you always,

Van

Van

Let me add my welcome to you. Nice to see you joining in. Never worry about being boring as we all can learn from each other. It's great to see that you and Loy share a wonderful relationship and your public affection for each other is indicative of that. The support you have is a blessing and as your daughters grow up, they will, as CJ said, see the caring person you are and know they have a Dad they wouldn't change for the world.

Good luck

Stephanie

Once again, thank you all and thank you my Lovely Lady Loy. I am lucky to have such a wonderful woman to stand beside me always. It took some time to get her here to the forum but now that she is here I think she has begun to see why I like it here so much, I have been a member for a while and always loved the reception from everyone here. We just got in from our first date in quite sometime, just the two of us and it has been a breath of fresh air for us both. Baby sitters are a Godsend. We talked about everything and most of all we just enjoyed each others company. Outstanding. OK I wasnt dressed out but I did have some girl cut jeans on and had a nice shirt on that did blend in nicely. Along with my hose and Cami on under the shirt, it just felt good to be out just the two of us. A must happen again for sure.


Huggs and Kisses,

Van

Loy and Van,
I don't understand computers!
This is the first time that I saw your post!!! Anyway, I think you, Van are experiencing some of the similar situations and responses that I had when I found this forum. The girls here, your sisters are the most loving, caring and empathic group I have ever known. I LOVE YOU ALL!!
I won't give you all the gory details of my 26 years of marriage being scuttled when I found or should I say when Virginia found me about four years ago and I tried to share this "wonder" with my SO. She was one that just could not accept it in any shape, form or fashion and "went screaming off into the night" and back to her mother! Her attorney referred to me in the divorce decree as an "insane pervert!" Honey, if we are insane I will take all of it I can get!!!!!
I have since found that one in a million SO who, bless her heart, may not understand it, but she admits to loving me and Virginia and she accepts it as a "gift" that I bring to the relationship. Yes we have to compromise and it comes with communications, but we are both happy with our compromises!
As for children, mine are both grown and I have two grandchildren, ages 2 & 3! My wife of course "outted" me to my daughter (she is 36) who seems to work within the "don't ask don't tell!" and she "inadvertently" told my son (23) and he said it did not bother him, that he was happy I had found that aspect of myself. I think that because of parents like you who tell their children about the diversity of humans and teach them acceptance, it will make the whole world a lot more tolerable for (in our cause) those of our sisters coming along after us. Can you imagine where we might be if we had had access to information (i.e., the internet) back in the fifties. Where would we be now??? I for one would probably, very likely, have transisitioned.
Bless you for being here with and for us and we hope you both stay and participate and continue to share with us!
Love you both,
Virginia

My wife of course "outted" me to my daughter (she is 36) who seems to work within the "don't ask don't tell!" and she "inadvertently" told my son (23)

Her attorney referred to me in the divorce decree as an "insane pervert!"

When I hear statements like these, it never ceases to amaze me how vindictive some women can be during a messy divorce or breakup. As I've said many times, crossdressing is rarely the sole reason for the end of a relationship but it is a darn good excuse to get out of an already troubled one if they're looking to 'jump the fence' so to speak. The sad thing is these women who band around terms like "insane pervert" and the like are only hurting their own children when they do that. Short term satisfaction for them perhaps but long term hurt for the kids if they have to find out from someone with an axe to grind. It's a shame they don't think of that before taking that destructive route.

Stephanie

I wish everyone could be like it is here, so many feelings would go unhurt.What a feat. I know there are good people every where but I think I have a sense of how the world works outside. I was just checking out a conversation between several "Friends" and I knowing a couple of them knew things others did not. The conversatation went into alternet lifestyles and what they all felt about the subject.I know a couple of them are straight and two are fully Gay, but the others dont know for sure, they have suspected for a long time but they are not for sure. Any hoo, the clearly straights were devided at about 50/50 about what they felt about a person being Gay, but the two who I know to be Gay piped up and believe it or not said they prefered not to be associated with someone publicly who was openly Gay. This blew me away, I thought to myself, they are avoiding the subject so as not to be discovered? Or was it play on words, nevertheless, I couldnt help think on the subject all evening, and how I have reacted towards my own dressing. I have never really come out to everyone I know but at the same time I have never denied it either. I would never deny myself, I just couldnt do that. To thy own self be true. My Sis here in my home town, Cookie has always told me this and I have seen the meaning in what she has said so many years. I only hope we can all one day say, So Be it. I have been dressing for a few years and at first it scared me and My betterhalf,Loy. But thru the years we have grown closer and a big part in this is our comunication to each other. We are always encouraging one another in what ever we do and it has been one adventure after another, and that is what life is suppose to be. An Adventure.
OK, I have went too long and I hope that made sense, I just couldnt believe these two who actually denied to everyone around them what they actually believe and live. OK, I have beaten that horse long enough, I hope it made sense.

love you all,

Van

van and loy,
just been reading through some post and came across this one --- wow two terrific peeps ------- sharing a really fantastic relationship with joy in each other and the kids.
god bless you all n Loy this is just another thought to take away this weekend thanks for the support you have shown me over the last few weeks

Hey, Loy is the best in the world, I always concider myself the LUCKY one. I would be nothing without Loy. She wont hessitate to let anyone know what she thinks about something and usually she is right, even though I can be stubborn she mekes me see the ligh. Cant ask for a better partner in life.

Van