Hi all,
I've been reading the posts in the SOs section over the last couple of days. I'm saddened by what some of the SOs are going through, lately.
I really only have this to say: I don't think I will ever
not be a crossdresser; however, I won't ever hide anything about my sexuality or gender issues from the woman I love. If, truly, I want her to accept me as I am, I have to give her every opportunity to know me as I am, in the same way that I wish to know her as she is. Although I think (in fact, I know) it's possible to love someone unconditionally, I just don't think relationships can be unconditional; every union between two people comes with a set of all-too-natural expectations, chief among these that the emotional, psychological, and physical needs of both spouses be met to the largest extent possible. Otherwise, to what ends are two people joined?
I want my (eventual) SO to trust me as much as I trust her. It's a matter of respect, love, and deep friendship. The only road that leads there is one of truth in communication, of honesty (to both self and other). It pains me to see how much people must suffer for fear of being rejected or of appearing vulnerable. The world is such that there will
always be times when we're rejected or when others will exploit our vulnerabilities; by seeking to avoid this at all costs, we paralyze ourselves. We also paralyze our SOs in the process, by not being absolutely truthful with them. These are the women who love us, girls! Love them back by giving them, amongst other gifts, every reason to trust you. These are the women who share our hearts and our lives! Don't hide your heart; don't hide your life. By being myself most with my (again, eventual) SO, I allow (nay, I
invite) her to be most herself with me. This, from a crossdresser: masks are for the theater, not for the one you love... disguises are for Hallowe'en, not for the one you love. Let your true face be for the one you love. The rewards are unending.
I know it seems as though I'm glossing over the potential problems, such as the ever necessary "negotiation of boundaries and comfort zones," but no such negotiations are possible without there being honesty and trust present in the relationship. It's taken me all my life to learn this--and I've learned this thanks to the wonderful SOs I've been fortunate enough to walk a common road with at different times in my life. When I was ready to run away, in my more difficult moments, my SOs would grab me by the hem of my skirt and (almost literally) command me to stay and talk this out. I've never regretted it; it's made me grow... as a person, as a man, as a crossdresser, even. It's always made us
both grow. I'm very grateful for the women in my life. Cherish your SOs.
Love,
CJ
Is that what this would lead to? I didn't know. When my wife and I discussed this, she asked the same question. I told her I didn't know but I didn't think so. I told her I wanted to dress like a woman and look like a woman and even live like a woman but not go all the way. I was finally beginning to realize how far I would go. 
