It's only me again
Posted: Mon Oct 15, 2007 1:00 am
It’s me again and I just want to say that I know I’ve said lots of things in the past which I shouldn’t have said, especially about my mothers situation with her new guy, and I’m sorry I said those things and I embarrassed myself badly, so I apologise for the things I said in haste.
On the 6th of this month I had my 21st birthday and I flew home to Sydney for the party as my Dad had hired a function room in a hotel, and I think we all mostly had a great time. With all that’s gone on in the last four years and a bit sometimes it feels like more years skipped by me than have, but things aren’t too bad atm except for the ever drawn out saga with my ex and his goings on but I’m not going there as right now I’ve got good things in my head and want to shut out the bad.
We did have a great party and everybody had a lovely time I think, they gave me a huge key which everyone signed, and I think that’s a bit funny getting the key to the door now when here at 18 we can legally vote in elections, go into pubs and clubs and drink alcohol, drive a car, get married without parents consent etc, so 21 seems to be somewhat of an afterthought, but I guess it’s an old tradition which the oldies like to keep going.
When it came to the ceremony part of the night, my Dad made a speech and kept the crowd entertained at my expense, but it was a lovely humorous speech, and I blew out the candles and they all sang the traditional songs, and when it came to my turn to respond, well, that didn’t start off all that wonderful. I was standing up there with the microphone and I sort of had it all mapped out what I wanted to say, but I saw my Dad standing there smiling at me, and my Mother was nearby him and him looking so handsome and she so lovely and all of a sudden it was like a cold hand squeezing my throat as things flashed by my mind of the past and I was just frozen. It seemed like an eternity but I suppose it wasn’t very long, but all of a sudden by best g/f started singing ‘the old grey mare she aint what she used to be’ and they all joined in and that did the trick for me, it brought me back and later she said she knew I was in trouble, but when they’d finished their singing I did what I had to and that was that. It was weird, because I usually revel in making a speech, but it just got to me seeing Dad and our Mother smiling so happy and standing together again like old times, but I’ve moved on these days and told my Mother that I’m ok with her and her new man, but not to expect me to get close to him anytime soon, it’ll probably take time still, but it’s ok I’m getting better at last.
Later that night when Dad and I got home to his place it was weird, because we were both so tired and we decided we’d have a cup of tea then fall into bed, but we got that cup of tea and sat there talking and we talked and we talked until we could hear the birds starting to chirp out in the garden, and we realized it was getting daylight.
I think those hours of talking was the talk we always needed to have. It sort of took us into a new dimension if you follow me. We talked about things we’d never had the time or the desire to bring up before and it was like washing away something and cleaning the waters. I suppose it all started with us sitting there and me saying how great he looked in his suit and tie, he just looked a picture, and he told me it was so good to see me in a dress for a change. I know I rarely ever wear a dress but it’s always better in jeans or pants and such, that’s just what me and my g/friends have always worn since teenagers. He then got me going by saying that there just isn’t any equality because girls can wear anything they like but men are so restricted in what they can wear. This then blew into a full scale discussion because I told him my theory on why society thinks the way they generally do about men wearing dresses and it just isn’t fair for him or anybody else to blame us, because it’s not our fault, we’re not to blame for society’s attitude, some other men are and he should be looking at them, not us.
I don’t want to go into the full discussion here and my theories because this’ll end up in a series book, but maybe another time I can put my thoughts forward if anybody's interested that is, it might make for a lively discussion.
Anyway afterwards we got onto something else and he said something like, whatever he is he’s always had our best interests at heart and he’s always been there for us. But that also brought out things he wasn’t aware of. The broad thoughts of it all was that I told him that my sis and I would be always grateful for the life he and our Mother gave us, for our education and all the things we had during our life, but the materials things never made up for all the time that he and our Mother spent away from us. We know that their professions took up a huge amount of their time, but when I told him that the thing which will always stick in my mind was all the times they were walking out the door and he said, “ Jennifer, look after your sister now.” I told him that those words were the ones I hated most in my life and that brought a funny look to his face, and he said that although they were on the go so much with their jobs, they were always there for us, and I told him that’s where the problem lay. I told him there’s a huge difference between ‘there’ and ‘here’ and it’s ‘here’ that sis and I longed for them to be a lot more. Anyway, that’s the gist of that conversation and it’d take too long to go into it all, but I don’t think a lot of parents realize how their kids are thinking and they don’t take much notice of what their kids say about things, and just because they materially give their kids everything it doesn’t mean they are giving their kids what we want most of all, and that’s their parents time and presence. I know our parents love us and maybe we were being too demanding, but, I couldn't help the way I felt although I know I'll get over it.
Anyway, I’m sorry if I’ve bored you once again, but thanks for allowing me to be here and it helps get some things off my chest at times.
Jenny.
On the 6th of this month I had my 21st birthday and I flew home to Sydney for the party as my Dad had hired a function room in a hotel, and I think we all mostly had a great time. With all that’s gone on in the last four years and a bit sometimes it feels like more years skipped by me than have, but things aren’t too bad atm except for the ever drawn out saga with my ex and his goings on but I’m not going there as right now I’ve got good things in my head and want to shut out the bad.
We did have a great party and everybody had a lovely time I think, they gave me a huge key which everyone signed, and I think that’s a bit funny getting the key to the door now when here at 18 we can legally vote in elections, go into pubs and clubs and drink alcohol, drive a car, get married without parents consent etc, so 21 seems to be somewhat of an afterthought, but I guess it’s an old tradition which the oldies like to keep going.
When it came to the ceremony part of the night, my Dad made a speech and kept the crowd entertained at my expense, but it was a lovely humorous speech, and I blew out the candles and they all sang the traditional songs, and when it came to my turn to respond, well, that didn’t start off all that wonderful. I was standing up there with the microphone and I sort of had it all mapped out what I wanted to say, but I saw my Dad standing there smiling at me, and my Mother was nearby him and him looking so handsome and she so lovely and all of a sudden it was like a cold hand squeezing my throat as things flashed by my mind of the past and I was just frozen. It seemed like an eternity but I suppose it wasn’t very long, but all of a sudden by best g/f started singing ‘the old grey mare she aint what she used to be’ and they all joined in and that did the trick for me, it brought me back and later she said she knew I was in trouble, but when they’d finished their singing I did what I had to and that was that. It was weird, because I usually revel in making a speech, but it just got to me seeing Dad and our Mother smiling so happy and standing together again like old times, but I’ve moved on these days and told my Mother that I’m ok with her and her new man, but not to expect me to get close to him anytime soon, it’ll probably take time still, but it’s ok I’m getting better at last.
Later that night when Dad and I got home to his place it was weird, because we were both so tired and we decided we’d have a cup of tea then fall into bed, but we got that cup of tea and sat there talking and we talked and we talked until we could hear the birds starting to chirp out in the garden, and we realized it was getting daylight.
I think those hours of talking was the talk we always needed to have. It sort of took us into a new dimension if you follow me. We talked about things we’d never had the time or the desire to bring up before and it was like washing away something and cleaning the waters. I suppose it all started with us sitting there and me saying how great he looked in his suit and tie, he just looked a picture, and he told me it was so good to see me in a dress for a change. I know I rarely ever wear a dress but it’s always better in jeans or pants and such, that’s just what me and my g/friends have always worn since teenagers. He then got me going by saying that there just isn’t any equality because girls can wear anything they like but men are so restricted in what they can wear. This then blew into a full scale discussion because I told him my theory on why society thinks the way they generally do about men wearing dresses and it just isn’t fair for him or anybody else to blame us, because it’s not our fault, we’re not to blame for society’s attitude, some other men are and he should be looking at them, not us.
I don’t want to go into the full discussion here and my theories because this’ll end up in a series book, but maybe another time I can put my thoughts forward if anybody's interested that is, it might make for a lively discussion.
Anyway afterwards we got onto something else and he said something like, whatever he is he’s always had our best interests at heart and he’s always been there for us. But that also brought out things he wasn’t aware of. The broad thoughts of it all was that I told him that my sis and I would be always grateful for the life he and our Mother gave us, for our education and all the things we had during our life, but the materials things never made up for all the time that he and our Mother spent away from us. We know that their professions took up a huge amount of their time, but when I told him that the thing which will always stick in my mind was all the times they were walking out the door and he said, “ Jennifer, look after your sister now.” I told him that those words were the ones I hated most in my life and that brought a funny look to his face, and he said that although they were on the go so much with their jobs, they were always there for us, and I told him that’s where the problem lay. I told him there’s a huge difference between ‘there’ and ‘here’ and it’s ‘here’ that sis and I longed for them to be a lot more. Anyway, that’s the gist of that conversation and it’d take too long to go into it all, but I don’t think a lot of parents realize how their kids are thinking and they don’t take much notice of what their kids say about things, and just because they materially give their kids everything it doesn’t mean they are giving their kids what we want most of all, and that’s their parents time and presence. I know our parents love us and maybe we were being too demanding, but, I couldn't help the way I felt although I know I'll get over it.
Anyway, I’m sorry if I’ve bored you once again, but thanks for allowing me to be here and it helps get some things off my chest at times.
Jenny.
Hi ya Jennifer,