Hi, looking for others to talk to

[Latanya]

hi bell and welcome
i am latanya but feel free to call me anya

[Paula G]

I'm so glad you had that chat and cleared the air, I trust that this will end up reinforcing your relationship.

[DonnaT]

The openess has changed things.

Good to hear!

Things can get dicey from time to time, but as long as y'all talk, not argue, and don't keep things inside until they explode, y'all should do fine.

[Leeza]

Hi, Bel, and to our home on the internet.

In my younger years, my CDing would come and go. I would fight the urge then give in and put on some fem items. Over the next few weeks the desire would grow till I would finialy get fully dressed including some makep. Then I would be ok for awhile sometimes up to years.

As I got older the urges became more frequent. For a number of years before retireing I was able to control the urges of fully dressing with underdressing.

Bel wrote

I just needed to tell someone and verify that we were normal, just in a smaller niche of normal.

I looked so hard for years to find normal with no success, that I finaily decided that I that I am normal and the rest of the world isn't. (Well I didn't have to look for normal anymore)

As has been stated earlier and you have found communication is the key to understanding and accepting.

Again welcome,

Leeza

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Bel, and welcome to the Forum!

I've received your PM, and you now have access to the GG/SO-only sections of the forum . . . but you must be logged in to the forum first.


- SL

[Ginny Jones]

Hi Bel! First things first - congratulations on your recent marriage!

After 8 years of "try before you buy" this shift must have been a bit of a shock! I have this theory which goes something like - "our dearest wish is to truly be recognised by the people we love", and so having married him after all this time and all you've been through - well, it doesn't surprise me that he is wanting you to see more of him. After all, why would he show this to someone that he felt wouldn't accept him for who he was?

That said, I separated from my wife getting on for three years ago and I am aware just how much of my behaviour was co-created. Not bad stuff or toxic stuff - just, the way we were together stuff. I guess, for this cross dress thing to be part of your relationship, it needs to be co-created. Something that you have a relationship with as well.

I appreciate both your openess and resourcefulness in coming to the forum and wish you both every success in finding eachother.

Hugs Ginny x

[Carol Ann]

Hello Bel,
Sorry didn't welcome you earlyer as believe me I know and understand your problem. Now I have had no problems with my wife as she knew before we were married as my loveing mother told her .

Now that being said try and relax and do your best to understand and help him along. I know it will be hard but I believe you are strong enought and love him enought to do it. Remember he is still the same man you love it's just he enjoys wearing women cloths, hay cloths are cloths they cover the body and don't change the person.

Love Carol Ann

[Bel(SO)]

I had a bit of a 'wobble' I got a bit teary about it. I don't like that feeling, I'm very open minded and don't know where it stems from. I always thought the dressing up was just one of those fun sex things. Like a bit of BDSM or wearing a zentai suit, it's not who you are, just something fun you do for sex. Only this week I have discovered it's not about sex, it's who he is, he just wants to be this woman sometimes, with make up and breasts and just act like a woman for these few hours. He says he has a woman living inside of him and always has. He's glad I'm talking about it and we're sharing it and he can at last be honest about just how important this is and how far it goes. I told him to ignore me if I have a 'wobble' and likened it to his reaction to me in a false beard, lol, and he does understand. I feel a bit upset, but my rational head is telling me to just get used to it and embrace it. I think in time I will. He's never wore make up, years ago I put some on him a couple of times, but he doesn't know how to. Today we are shopping for make up! He's going to shave and I will teach him make up, next week I'm away for a week with work and he wants to just be home alone after work, as a woman, so I thought I better teach him the make up, that'd probably be disastrous without a tutorial first! He's started wearing stockings and pants everyday under his man clothes. He's always wanted to, but just felt he had to hide the extent of it from me. I have been in the SO place, bit quiet in there though!

[DonnaT]

Don't get down on yourself. Many CDs even have wobbles with who they are.

Also, don't push yourself. We suggest baby steps to the CDer when introducing this aspect to their SOs. I think the same applies in this case for you.

I imagine y'all plan on a long life together. No need to rush things along.

[Anthony Simon]

No-one can really say what CDing is "about" for certain. A kind of "textbook" psychological view is that it's "a sex thing". Another view, much more common amongst the CDing community is that we are just expressing "the female part of ourselves".

If we're ourselves not really certain what it's about, how much less certain must the wives and SOs of CDs be. Like there's this powerful drive in their partner which does what it does. And where it goes is not entirely certain. For some CDs do transition (i.e want a sex change) - but not very many, it has to be said.

You don't seem at all "in control" from your post, like you're waiting passively for whichever way Alan is going to jump. But, just to reiterate, your feelings are real. You don't want to belittle them. You know, you're allowed to be teary and to have "wobbles". You're getting great chunks of emotional stuff which weren't expected.

The changes are coming thick and fast. You have to process them. If your "rational head" is telling you to "get used to it", it should also be telling you that getting used to it takes time - and that getting teary is part of how you do that.

Like Donna said, one of the pieces of advice that this forum gives is for CDs to proceed in "baby steps". This allows SOs that time. I think you would have more of a sense of control if Alan would give you that time.

[Carol Esme]

Bel. A common response of a CDer to the sense of liberation and acceptance that comes from joining a site like this or discovering that a significant other is unexpectedly accepting is what's been termed "the pink fog". The CDer suddenly believes anything is possible and rushes forward trying new experiences they would never have dared before. This can be dangerous, pride before a fall etc and very stressful for SOs. I'm just getting control of my own pink fog which began running in April. I've nearly pushed my wife too far but I think I've caught myself in time. Alan has got to go through this stage but let him know you need to catch your breath. Be supportive but don't feel you have to encourage him to go even faster and you don't always have to say 'yes". Perhaps let him make a complete mess of his own make-up first and then offer a bit of advice rather than doing it all for him and showing him too soon how good he might look?

[Bel(SO)]

I think I've been going too fast. Alan's not been pushing me at all, I've been suggesting stuff to him and he goes along with it. Yesterday was as much too much for him as it was for me. Went shopping for dress, undies, bra and a full set of make up. After the kids had gone to bed, we turned him into a woman. Maybe it's a funny way I cope, just going overboard and trying to get over it all at once! But you are all correct, not the best way of doing things. We're both in a bit of a headspin now. Going to take a few days off CDing, calm down a bit, even Alan says it's too much too soon for him. Just been a bit of a headspin these past few days.

[Paula G]

Very wise, gently does it, or as we keep saying ~ baby steps, but the great thing is you are doing this together