Crossdressers-Haven.com

Hi everyone,

I'm a TV from northern Virginia and have been secretly dressing for 35 years. I'm married with 3 kids, none of whom know I dress in womens clothing. Unfortunately, my wife is not the sort who will ever accept this part of me and will likely never know, unless I slip up. The key reason I joined the forum was to be able to talk openly about these issues with like minded people without being judged. Shauna leads a very lonely life, I'm sad to say.

Once, 15 years ago, I ws with a fairly open minded lady who found evidence of my "hobby" but thought I was cheating on her. I then told her the whole story and she seemed accepting and even wanted to have sex with me dressed en femme. Well we did, and she pretended to like it, but I guess it was just too far outside her range of "normal behavior." Things went down hill and we split up after a few months. She then proceeded to tell our friends all about it, which was a terrible source of embarrassment for me. So, perhaps you can understand my desire for discretion.

Why do I dress? Pretty simple, really - its incredibly erotic. It also seems to have a calming effect. I just love to dress in sexy lingerie and play - it is such an incredible turn on - like being a man and woman simultaneously! I've never gone out in public en femme however, and would probably scare small children if I did. I'm not the most feminine looking of CDs, although I like to think I could have passed in my 20s. I did get a little femme for a halloween party once back then and got many compliments and even a couple of propositions.

This past summer my wife took the kids to visit the in laws for 3 weeks and in her absence, i really went all out. I had ordered all sorts of sexy things on line and within an hour after they were on the plane, I had shaved, put on make up and gotten totally dolled up in a lovely black bustier, lace top thigh highs, stilleto heels and blonde shoulder length wig. For the first time, I did my nails, slept in womens pjs, and dressed almost every moment I had alone, which turned out to be a lot.

Well the upshot is that I think I'm on the fast train to tranny land and can't stop it, even if I wanted to. I'm thinking of visiting a very hot TV escort I met online who will be in town next month just to see what its like to sleep with another "special" girl. Sometimes I think I would like to transform into a woman all together, yet I'm not in the least attracted to men - except maybe other TS/TVs. I'm afraid that if I keep on this trajectory, my life as I know it will implode. Any of you feel like that sometimes?

thanks for listening,

xxooxx

Shauna

Hi Shauna, to the forum.

Shauna wrote: I'm thinking of visiting a very hot TV escort I met online who will be in town next month just to see what its like to sleep with another "special" girl.

No cheating!!

One of the reasons some wives have trouble with acceptance is the knowledge that some CD husbands do dress to have sex with others. A case of one bad apple spoils the whole bunch.

Hay Shauna,
First welcome and next I agree with my sister DonnaT. Girl you never know what will happen on a date with a strange person please don't go there.

You have a family to think about first. Please don't do that, my love and caring for you.

Wow, that was quick!

You ladies are probably right - I doubt I will really follow through on this fantasy because I have so much to lose. My point is that I'm very confused about this whole issue of TV/TS/TG and just want to benefit from the experience of others who may have been through this already.

thanks for your support

Shauna

I'll have to agree with the other two girls... cheating is out of the question and should only remain a fantasy. An adventure like that could cost you your life: mugging, aids, blackmail,etc.

Marjory

Firstly Shauna, welcome to the board.

Second, I gotta agree, infidelity definitely isn't the answer.

Hi, Shauna, and welcome to the Forum.

Ditto what everyone else has said above . . . no cheating, no way, no how!! If you love your wife, you should have no reason to cheat . . . fantasy or not.

I'm also of the opinion that win, lose, or draw, every CD/TG needs to let their SO know about their being CD/TG. Not telling the SO about Shauna is the same as lying to her, and it won't be easy on you when you are caught!!

- SL

Ladies,

I know you mean well, but my situation is complicated. My wife and I do not have a good relationship - in fact its awful. If it were not for my kids, whom I love dearly, I would have left long ago. As it stands, that is not an option because a) she would destroy them emotionally without me there as a buffer and b) I would be ruined financially. So, here I am in an intolerable situation with no viable way out. Any surprise then that I would entertain thoughts of affairs?

hi shauna

leann

Hi Shauna
Sorry I'm late but welcome to this wonderful forum. Advised but not judged. I think you have experienced already why this place is so good.
Kay

Hi Shauna. Welcome to the group . Already good advise .Stephenie g

Hi Shauna,

Welcome to the forum.

Yes, yours is a delicate situation. My suggestion: bring your marital unhappiness to the table. Seek marital counselling. If irreconcilable differences are the order of the day, you need to consider separation or divorce (certainly more so than, and before, extramarital affairs). I don't know how old your children are but, if your wife would seek to destroy them emotionally, well, there are legal recourses to limit that, too.

You seem to be locked into a loveless marriage. I say this without knowing the whole story, so all the usual caveats apply to what I'm saying here. If you and your wife are "loveless" toward each other, this way of relating is what you'll be teaching your children. You lose; she loses; and, in the end, they lose, too.

There are more pressing concerns, it seems to me, than your crossdressing or her possible inability to accept it. Find a way to put yourself in a space--whatever the means--where you can once more become a loving person and your crossdressing will begin to take care of itself. The more you repress it (or, rather, the more it's repressed, by dint of your circumstances), the stronger and more obssessive the urge will be.

Talk to your wife. Let her know how you feel. Do so in the presence of a counsellor, if you can. Listen to her own grievances, too. As to the issue of your possible financial ruin, that goes on the left-hand platter of the scale. On the right-hand platter, put your nearly certain emotional ruin (should you choose the status quo) and see what the results are. If you choose to orient your life in light of the heavier platter of the scale, stick to your decision and arm yourself as best you can against the consequences. Just remember this: you have one life to live. Right now, you seem to be in that stark (and bleak) territory between "security" and happiness. Although these two things are usually not mutually exclusive nor incompatible, right now, for you, it appears they are. In what direction must your life go in order for you to bring these two goals within your grasp? Only you, Shauna, know the answer to that question. But, by all means, draw on the experience (professional or otherwise) and the wisdom of others. Don't stay alone in this. You're not alone.

Again, welcome aboard.

Love,
CJ