It's been a rocky start.
Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 9:38 pm
First off, let me just say how happy I am to be among sisters. I guess I should share a litte about myself.
I am just out of the closet with my wife who is struggling with dealing with this. Before I came out I was a dress and purge crossdresser. Taking advantage of days or weeks when my wife would be away visiting family. I would struggle with the guilt, promise my self I wouldn't do it again, but that never lasted. The straw for me was this:
When my son went back to school this august I started growing a beard, It had been 2 months since I last dressed/purged and like always before I thought I had put it all behind me. Then as we got into October, I jokingly told my wife I should dress up for Halloween as the bearded Lady, opening that can of worms. She actually thought it was a great idea, though her concept of how I should dress and mine were definately different. So one day after work I went by Goodwill and picked up a couple dresses shoes that were a size too small (I think my size is a 12, but not many stores around here don't seem to carry that size). I also swung by walmart and got a pair of panties, stockings and bra (balloons for breasts). When I dressed for her later to show her, she was a little shocked that I wanted to wear panties and stockings under the dress. It got even worse when I got "excited" about being dressed. She basically said that maybe I shouldn't dress for halloween. I let it sit like that for the weekend. Since I couldn't get wanting to be dressed out of my mind, I started to do some research to see what was "wrong" with me. I know, trust and love God, so I was also worried that I was sinning, just wanting to do this. But over the course of a couple days and a lot of research online I have come to terms with who I am, and I am ... more content with myself ... is the only way I can put it. So later that night after the kids had gone to bed I told my wife, and sent her a web page that I thought described what was going on in me better than I could. I was so nervouse. She ofcourse was shocked, its one of the few times I couldn't read her and tell what she was thinking. That was about four days ago and she is still struggling to get her head around it. She seems understanding at times (I think she really wants to understand) and then at other times I know any mention of it I think makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up.
She is trying, but I am just so glad to be able to talk to y'all here openly. Thanks.
I am just out of the closet with my wife who is struggling with dealing with this. Before I came out I was a dress and purge crossdresser. Taking advantage of days or weeks when my wife would be away visiting family. I would struggle with the guilt, promise my self I wouldn't do it again, but that never lasted. The straw for me was this:
When my son went back to school this august I started growing a beard, It had been 2 months since I last dressed/purged and like always before I thought I had put it all behind me. Then as we got into October, I jokingly told my wife I should dress up for Halloween as the bearded Lady, opening that can of worms. She actually thought it was a great idea, though her concept of how I should dress and mine were definately different. So one day after work I went by Goodwill and picked up a couple dresses shoes that were a size too small (I think my size is a 12, but not many stores around here don't seem to carry that size). I also swung by walmart and got a pair of panties, stockings and bra (balloons for breasts). When I dressed for her later to show her, she was a little shocked that I wanted to wear panties and stockings under the dress. It got even worse when I got "excited" about being dressed. She basically said that maybe I shouldn't dress for halloween. I let it sit like that for the weekend. Since I couldn't get wanting to be dressed out of my mind, I started to do some research to see what was "wrong" with me. I know, trust and love God, so I was also worried that I was sinning, just wanting to do this. But over the course of a couple days and a lot of research online I have come to terms with who I am, and I am ... more content with myself ... is the only way I can put it. So later that night after the kids had gone to bed I told my wife, and sent her a web page that I thought described what was going on in me better than I could. I was so nervouse. She ofcourse was shocked, its one of the few times I couldn't read her and tell what she was thinking. That was about four days ago and she is still struggling to get her head around it. She seems understanding at times (I think she really wants to understand) and then at other times I know any mention of it I think makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up.
She is trying, but I am just so glad to be able to talk to y'all here openly. Thanks.
to the forum.