New to all of this

Mandy (SO) · Post by **Mandy (SO)** » Thu May 20, 2004 2:36 am

Hello, My name is Mandy, and my husband is a crossdresser. I have known for a few years that he occasionally likes to wears women's clothes, although he did not tell me before we were married. He has just recently started to accept this part of himself, rather than fight the urge to dress every time it comes up. Together we are reading My Husband Betty. I feel I am very accepting of his crossdressing. He is not out, we have very conservative families, and I am just looking for those who have similar experiances to talk with and gain support from.

Caroline · Post by **Caroline** » Thu May 20, 2004 3:10 am

Hello Mandy,

You are welcome to join us. There are many SOs here, all of whom who have similar experiences to you, and I know that they'll be delighted to offer as much help as they can.

There are a lot of CDs here too, and though our experiences are different, we are able to empathise with you, and many of us will also want to help, if we can.

Kind regards,

Caroline.

Mandy (SO) · Post by **Mandy (SO)** » Thu May 20, 2004 3:29 am

Thanks so much, and I have so many questions. My husband I both agree that we want him to remain male, more often than femme. Since he has been fighting it for so long, one of the things we are afraid of, is that now that he is going to try not to fight the urges, he will want to dress more and more often. He's almost afraid that my acceptedness will lead him to do it more often. While "more often" than what he does now isn't a bad thing (as he was only putting an occasional thing on once every two months or so) he is afraid it will become a constant thing. We have 3 kids in the house, so I'm not talking every day here, but still...we don't want him doing it every time he has the chance either. Does anyone have any experiance with this? Does more crossdressing begat more crossdressing until it is constant crossdressing, or will occasionally still most likely satisfy him?

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Thu May 20, 2004 3:34 am

to our little haven Mandy (SO)

I am sure there are those here with similar experiances who will be able to support you.

Two links to web sites that will likely help you are;
http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepage ... /anima.htm
The other is "Observations About Transgender People" by Lin Fraser
http://www.genderweb.org/experien/obstg.html

Caroline · Post by **Caroline** » Thu May 20, 2004 4:10 am

Mandy (SO) wrote: Does more crossdressing begat more crossdressing until it is constant crossdressing, or will occasionally still most likely satisfy him?

Hi Mandy,

I'm sorry I hava an appointment which I must keep, so I cannot give you as much time as you deserve at the moment; please forgive me.

However, I do have time to rush this to you...

First, everyone is an individual, whether they are a crosssdresser or not, so what applies to one does not apply to all.

Second, studies have shown that the majority of crossdressers do not do it constantly, i.e. 24/7, so it is statistically unlikely that your husband will want to do so either.

Third, very often having the freedom to do something as much as one wants is a self-limiting exercise, and one often finds that having the freedom per se is sufficient to fulfil the desire.

Fourth, it is highly likely that your husband enjoys the male aspects of his character too, and that he would not want to shut them out of his personality completely.

Fifth, on a personal note, it didn't result in me doing it constantly.

I hope this brief note helps you until someone else here can respond to you.

Take care, and I'm sure we'll speak again soon.

Caroline.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Thu May 20, 2004 5:38 am

Bonjour Mandy!

I've added you to the SO Only group there you can find lots of support from GG's.

Caroline made some very excellent points that you will see are reinforced in other articles by others on the forum. There are so many great articles on this site about CD'ing I'm sure you will find lots of excellent answers. If there's a certain phrase you're looking for please use the Search link at the top of every page.

It's great to have you join us!!!

Beauty

Stef · Post by **Stef** » Thu May 20, 2004 5:41 am

Hi Mandy!

Welcome to the group!!! I have found everyone to be overwhelmingly friendly and helpful!!

I am only speaking from my own experience when I say that when my wife (now ex) started to accept my femme side I got caught up in the excitement of sharing something so special to me with the most special person in the world, I got caught up in it and overindulged. It wasn't til after she explained that I was going overboard that I realized what I was doing. I was so enthralled in the moment that I failed to see the big picture. We sat down and together set limits on when and to what extent "Stef" would be a part of our lives, after that we had a very happy balance.

Hugs,
Stef

Josey · Post by **Josey** » Thu May 20, 2004 6:07 am

Hi Mandy,

Welcome to the forum.

It is always wonderful to have another SO join us.

I read your posts and the answers and find that most of my replies have been covered already. I will add to Caroline's comments about freedom being self limiting. I dressed far more when my wife was alive then now that I have lost her. I now live alone and could dress all the time but do so only a couple of times a week. Of course, it was also stated that each person is different and reactions vary. Telling your hubby what you feel are your limits is very important.

I look forward to hearing more from you.

GalicianGirl(SO) · Post by **GalicianGirl(SO)** » Thu May 20, 2004 8:41 am

Hi Mandy,
Welcome to our forum!!! Glad to have another SO join our little group.

I hope to hear more from you in the future...

Sharon(SO)

Cherri · Post by **Cherri** » Thu May 20, 2004 10:48 am

Welcome Mandy! As you have already seen this is a very helpful forum and welcome aboard. In my case after long dissucions with my wife and her acceptance. I was giddy about the possibility of dressing when ever I wanted. As it turns out just having the ability to dress when ever I want was enough. I dress only a little more often than before, which was once every couple of months. Even though are children are grown and gone. Honesty and communications is always the best policy! Again welcome Hugs Cherri

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu May 20, 2004 2:32 pm

Hi Mandy,
As you cansee from my sisters' responses, we have a wealth of knowledge here for you and your spouse. The websites that Darlene gave you are great (thanks Sis, I won;t have to type them out) please go there and copy them and read them, excellent information for both of you.
Then just jump right in we always seek the advice of SO"' here - a really great and knowedgeable source of information for us.

Honey(SO) · Post by **Honey(SO)** » Thu May 20, 2004 4:13 pm

Hi Mandy, welcome to the rollercoaster of CD. I too am a very accepting wife and have known since January. I had similar fears as you do that my husband would want to dress all the time. We both had long talks about it and he knows I want his male side most of the time. He dresses 1-2X in a 2 week time, but does wear panties 24/7 and nightwear some nights.
We too have children at home so this really limits the dressing to when they are gone or in our bedroom.
I do agree if you let them the dressing frenzy will start, that is where the boundries and the talking come in. you want to be as supportive as you can but CD at this point should be a part of your relationship not the whole thing. Since his dressing is fairly limited when he does dress we both welcome and enjoy it. Also my husband is only out to me and we plan on keeping it that way, too many side affects if other know.
Look forward to talking more

Honey (SO)

Gelinda · Post by **Gelinda** » Thu May 20, 2004 4:53 pm

I wish I knew my wife would like you do. But not worth it to find out been married too long to risk it plus I love her too much.

That must be the case for you too if there is anything I can do to help just let me know as I am the same as your other half, just coming to grips with this.

Happy Happy Gelinda

RikkiOfLA · Post by **RikkiOfLA** » Fri May 21, 2004 6:08 am

Hi Mandy,

Welcome to the Forum!

I don't know what I'd do without my wife, who, like you, is very accepting. Not only was she the first person I came out to, but we literally discovered together what limits work best for us. She sometimes wonders if she is limiting me, but honestly, the context of love and acceptance is so much more valuable to me than would be the total freedom if I were alone.

There are lots of limits in life...money limits, time limits, concern for others' sensibilities, decency, keeping jobs, etc.

We can all be grateful that crossdressing is not the great bugaboo of shame that it was even a few years ago! But it's still not something that most crossdressers can or should share with everyone in their lives.

Caroline · Post by **Caroline** » Fri May 21, 2004 6:24 am

[quote="RikkiOfLA"]honestly, the context of love and acceptance is so much more valuable to me than would be the total freedom if I were alone.

There are lots of limits in life...money limits, time limits, concern for others' sensibilities, decency, keeping jobs, etc.

./quote]

Hey Rikki,

What a great statement. It touched me deeply reading it, thank you.I endorse it wholheartedly.

Kind regards,

Caroline.