The first step is admitting it, right?
Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 7:28 pm
Hi, my name is Becca, and I like to wear a dress 
Pardon if this comes out all discombobulated. I'm not sure what all to say or where to start really. I know I have no desire to be a woman, I have zero interest in guys (though I can appreciate their good looks - I can only hope I age as well as Sean Connery did) A while back I found what's called the Cogiati test on a transgender site ( I was a little concerned about this when my dressing desires first came about ) that gives indication as to where a person sits in the spectrum of masculinity Vs. femininity as it relates to being transgendered or not. I was relieved to score in the area I did, not that there's anything wrong with any of that, but I'm perfectly fine with keeping this largely to myself and any SO I might have. I don't feel a need to let everyone know, it's really none of their business what I like to do on occasion and in the comfort of my own home.
This is a desire that came about in my mid 20's, though I have exhibited a few minor feminine behaviors prior to that. It didn't really dawn on me that they were feminine, just comfortable. It was when I overheard comments/whispers that I realized that what I was doing wasn't 'guy' behavior. Sometimes it bothered me and I adjusted my behavior to 'fit in' other times I didn't think it was a big deal.
While I do find it exciting, it has more of a calming effect. Sometimes I just like to get dressed, curl up and watch a movie. Sometimes I can go months without feeling a need to dress up, sometimes I feel the need to do it a few times in the same week, and it's usually just for a few hours each time. I have found that the desire is more powerful when I am stressed, or feel unappreciated. I have also found that seeing my SO dressed up or making out/having relations will kill the desire.
As I said, this came about in my mid 20's, about the same time I was dating/engaged to my now ex-wife. At first I guess I hoped it was just a passing thing, or would go away. I sometimes still wish that, mostly because it seems that the few people I've told can accept this kind of behavior in others, but not from the person they are in a relationship with. I didn't tell her until about our 4th year of marriage, when I was a little more sure of myself on the matter. She was initially receptive and even would go out and buy things she thought I would like, she loved to take me shopping because we were nearly the same size, and so she would try everything on and loved to show it off (I loved watching her show it off too) I didn't push too hard, and usually it was her asking me if I wanted to go get dressed ( I always responded "as long as it's okay with you") So 3 years later, I was blindsided when she told me that she wanted a divorce because of my dressing, because she was still encouraging the behavior - Even after the divorce was final she has asked me if she could take me shopping because she wanted to help me pick things out. I declined because of the way she treated me. She also changed her main reason for wanting a divorce to something else so I really don't think it had as much to do with dressing as it was a 'good excuse' to get out of the marriage while making me look like the bad guy.
Since then I've told the few women I've dated about my interest early on or when we decided that we wanted to take the relationship further. In one case we continued to date for a year and (she said it had nothing to do with why she was breaking up with me, but she felt I told her too soon into the relationship) and the other ended it 2 days later saying she couldn't get into the lifestyle. In my opinion I felt they had a right to know early because it's not something everyone can accept.
Okay I guess I'm starting to ramble, so I'll stop.
Pardon if this comes out all discombobulated. I'm not sure what all to say or where to start really. I know I have no desire to be a woman, I have zero interest in guys (though I can appreciate their good looks - I can only hope I age as well as Sean Connery did) A while back I found what's called the Cogiati test on a transgender site ( I was a little concerned about this when my dressing desires first came about ) that gives indication as to where a person sits in the spectrum of masculinity Vs. femininity as it relates to being transgendered or not. I was relieved to score in the area I did, not that there's anything wrong with any of that, but I'm perfectly fine with keeping this largely to myself and any SO I might have. I don't feel a need to let everyone know, it's really none of their business what I like to do on occasion and in the comfort of my own home.
This is a desire that came about in my mid 20's, though I have exhibited a few minor feminine behaviors prior to that. It didn't really dawn on me that they were feminine, just comfortable. It was when I overheard comments/whispers that I realized that what I was doing wasn't 'guy' behavior. Sometimes it bothered me and I adjusted my behavior to 'fit in' other times I didn't think it was a big deal.
While I do find it exciting, it has more of a calming effect. Sometimes I just like to get dressed, curl up and watch a movie. Sometimes I can go months without feeling a need to dress up, sometimes I feel the need to do it a few times in the same week, and it's usually just for a few hours each time. I have found that the desire is more powerful when I am stressed, or feel unappreciated. I have also found that seeing my SO dressed up or making out/having relations will kill the desire.
As I said, this came about in my mid 20's, about the same time I was dating/engaged to my now ex-wife. At first I guess I hoped it was just a passing thing, or would go away. I sometimes still wish that, mostly because it seems that the few people I've told can accept this kind of behavior in others, but not from the person they are in a relationship with. I didn't tell her until about our 4th year of marriage, when I was a little more sure of myself on the matter. She was initially receptive and even would go out and buy things she thought I would like, she loved to take me shopping because we were nearly the same size, and so she would try everything on and loved to show it off (I loved watching her show it off too) I didn't push too hard, and usually it was her asking me if I wanted to go get dressed ( I always responded "as long as it's okay with you") So 3 years later, I was blindsided when she told me that she wanted a divorce because of my dressing, because she was still encouraging the behavior - Even after the divorce was final she has asked me if she could take me shopping because she wanted to help me pick things out. I declined because of the way she treated me. She also changed her main reason for wanting a divorce to something else so I really don't think it had as much to do with dressing as it was a 'good excuse' to get out of the marriage while making me look like the bad guy.
Since then I've told the few women I've dated about my interest early on or when we decided that we wanted to take the relationship further. In one case we continued to date for a year and (she said it had nothing to do with why she was breaking up with me, but she felt I told her too soon into the relationship) and the other ended it 2 days later saying she couldn't get into the lifestyle. In my opinion I felt they had a right to know early because it's not something everyone can accept.
Okay I guess I'm starting to ramble, so I'll stop.
but such is life. I know I shouldn't, but I still feel like a bit of an outsider... it's an adjustment like everything else I suppose.