Crossdressers-Haven.com

Greetings to all. I have found this forum while searching for information on cross-dressing and transgender.

I am a 51 year old male who lives in Richmond Virginia but who is originally from the Netherlands. I am exploring myself, or better said I am trying to identify myself. Eventually I would like to come out of the closet, but in all honesty I have not yet found my true "other" me. About 10 years ago I have attempted to search my identity, aka hetero, gay or bisexual. Now I knew something was missing or not complete in my life, I just did not, and at this time still do not know what it is that I am.

I have closed my search for identity years ago and called myself "independent".

Recently, about 5 weeks ago I have found a new interest or idea of what I might have been searching for. I now really think that I might be a transgender, a word that I did not even new its meaning until a few weeks ago after talking to a female friend. It's hard for me to describe, but since I am actively and fully giving in to my "identity search" I have come to find that I like the direction I am going in.

The same female friend keeps telling me to come out the closet and be my self, but I told her, I don't really know my self yet.

As you can read I am still confused but I really need to find my identity. It all started with reading stuff on another forum and eventually me going to buy a female girdle, for another reason, but after the initial nervous shopping experience, I went back and started to shop female lingerie and underwear. I was wearing female underwear at home in my weekends.

Dressing up in female clothes does not give me a pure sexual lust feeling, thank goodness, but I enjoy the female aspect of thinking I am a woman.

I have decided to go feminine all the way and so far I have positive experiences. Positive as in I went shopping for a nice wig and some beauty accessories, a nice dress with clothes accessories and, yesterday I went shopping for make-up. I have very great feedbacks from the store staff and other female shoppers that I spoke witch and asking questions. I was 100% male at these times and I was completely accepted in the store and some staff gave me great advise in how to wear a wig, apply make-up and none of them even doubt me, taking me serious. Some woman mentioned they know guys that are that way, so they "assured" me I am not alone.

I have one week vacation in November and I am working on doing my best to look like a woman and I will be going outside the home, first to a club here in Downtown Richmond, and then I think I will be going out to the wide open public space.

I still have a lot to learn, but the feelings I have in preparation to this process is a very great feeling, that I really want to succeed. After all these years I think I might have found the true "me".

I am a local photographer, I owe a home studio so I will be making glamour portraits as well in my weeks vacation, and I also work at night in a mostly male dominated job, where coming out will most likely result in loosing my job.

Again I would like to emphasize that I do not do this for any sexual lust, its in my mind of being a woman and I know most of you on this forum know what it feels like, I just don't know how to describe it yet.

PS English is my second language, so bare with me on typo or errors.

Love always, thanks for reading, and thanks to future responses.

Erwin (yes still my male name, but that will change later)

Welcome, Erwin.

Are you saying your female friend was reacting to you as though you were a woman (at least some of the time)?

No all the time addressing me as I am a male. And at first she called me gay. She still do think that I am gay, which I told her I am not, or at least I don't think I am. I told her I just feel like wanting to be a woman, regardless of sexual orientation.

She also tells me to see a counselor, but I don't think so.

She also told me that she has always seen some famine in me. And she does not always want to talk about it, I think objecting to the idea?

Hi, Erwin, and welcome to the Haven!


- SL

Hello Erwin and welcome to the site.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

Thank you for the welcome,s.

Thank you for the welcome,s.

Hello Erwin, to our family.

Hi Erwin
Welcome to the site.

Hi Erwin, aboard.

Welcome Erwin

I am still trying to figure out my self as well and its been a rollercoaster of a ride and each day I am learning something new about myself as well as about who and what I am and what I want to become. Take your time in figuring things out, some might hurry you but if it took you the time it has taken you to figure this out what matters for extra time to feel confident in who and what you want to become. Well anyway welcome to the forum, its a great place

Sandy

Welcome, Erwin!

Thanks ladies.

Today I had a great shopping experience, after all its payday.

I know I am going to get a great amount of advise here, which is greatly appreciated. I know I am going into the right direction as I felt very comfortable in the fashion store picking out clothes and buying them. This was my forth day shopping and I am getting better at it. I still am dressed as a man, I need to build up a wardrobe and learn to wear my wig and makeup, before I go out the "new" me.

Can't wait to go as a girl.

I am going to go slowly, but I think its very sweet to be like this.

My female friend thinks not, She wants me to see a counselor but I just don't think I should. I am way to happy.

I think I have also chosen a new name.

Erin.

Its almost the same and I wont get confused if people call me that way as it sounds 90% the same.

I like to announce my new name as Erin.

My new name here on Crossdressers-haven is Ms. Erin.

I simply skipped the W and its now feminine and still sounds familiar to me.

Thanks and greetings.

Welcome Erin,
Try not to rush things, take your time and most of your questions will be answered.
And above all do not look for a label, be yourself
Hugs
Joanne xxx