Another CDDF Refugee here.....
Posted: Tue Mar 02, 2004 10:10 pm
Hello all!
I see so many familiar people here, Kathy(SO), Kirsten Lee, CJ, Rikki, Beauty, and all the gang from CDDF, hello.
Well, let me see? Where do I begin? I'm 24 years old from Nevada where I am a University student.
I first felt the impulses to crossdress rather young, I play with boys toys, but I also loved girls toys. My Little Pony, Cabbage Patch Kids, and Barbie were favs of mine.
I had a great aunt who used to babysit me. One our favorite activities was for my to play make-up artist with her with her old make-up. I don't think she ever did make-up on me though
My parents divorce when I was 6. I lived with my mom. I grew closer to her and was fascinated growing by her bras, underware and shoes. I remember she had a pair of knee-high boots I used to klump around the house in, sometimes pretending to be a military officer, othertimes a woman.
I never acted on my impulses back then, as I had picked up on "the rules" and that a guy wearing women's clothes was a huge no-no.
I went through what seemed to be an impossibly slow sexual awakening from ages 13-15, during this time I was very actracted to girls and almost more to thier clothes.
I struggled with my urges......I don't even know if I could call them urges really since I simple did not know what I wanted. I rescued the catalogs from the garbage my mom threw out: Speigal, Fredricks of Hollywood, Chadwicks, JC Penny etc. and cut out the pictures of the outfits I liked and hid them in my room.
I don't really know how put this delicately....but I would look at the pictures while self-pleasuring myself.....telling myself I was doing it for the models wearing the clothes.....not for the clothes. It was a little troubling when I'd imagine myself wearing the clothes.
:
What? I could not be gay!
I had heard about them from my friends, but had never encountered one in rural Nevada. But I knew they were bad news, it was not okay to be one.
After a little struggle, I came to the realization that I was bisexual at 15, the fantasizing and desire for other men could no longer be ignore either, I had to face the hard truth about myself.
I started to open up to new things. I reconsidered what I had long supressed: my desire to dress as a woman.
Luckily fate interviened. My mom and step-dad had two households in two seperate towns. In my 16th summer, I got a job in heavy industry in one of those towns and my parents stayed at the other house.
Freedom! I was wonderful summer, I had found a women's bodysuit (remember those in the early 1990's ppuurrrr) in the rag bin at work and was able to get it home and try it on for the first time. Oh, what a feeling! 
This was right on the cusp of the internet coming into regular use, so I didn't have that resource, so I order bras, panties, and thigh-highs out of the catalog.
Over time, through high school and early college, the urges to dress came and went.
Sometimes I felt guilty, not for dressing per se, but for hiding it from my friends and family. I have been hiding an important part of myself for a long time now, and it hurts. I have only told my best friend about my dressing. He was very accepting!
But where am I now? Well, I've never really gone past the panties and bra/lingere, I want to go out in public and be passible. I'm going to work on getting some more clothes, learning how to use make-up and then finally getting a make-over for the first time.
I don't know really were I am gender-wise, I've considered full transformation, but have decided I like the body my Y Chromosone gave me.
I'm most comfortable, playing with gender, hopping the fance you could say whenever I felt like it. In a perfect world, I'd like to go out in jeans, t-shirt, motorcycle boots and jacket (my usual fair) one day as Terry, then go out the next as Tara in high heels, a wig, a good blouse and a skirt the next.
I bet we all wish that, but reality has another thing in store for us though :evil:
But oh well, I think no matter what our age is, all we can do is try in our lifetimes to try and see if we can make such a world possible.
*hugs*
Tara
I see so many familiar people here, Kathy(SO), Kirsten Lee, CJ, Rikki, Beauty, and all the gang from CDDF, hello.
Well, let me see? Where do I begin? I'm 24 years old from Nevada where I am a University student.
I first felt the impulses to crossdress rather young, I play with boys toys, but I also loved girls toys. My Little Pony, Cabbage Patch Kids, and Barbie were favs of mine.
I had a great aunt who used to babysit me. One our favorite activities was for my to play make-up artist with her with her old make-up. I don't think she ever did make-up on me though
My parents divorce when I was 6. I lived with my mom. I grew closer to her and was fascinated growing by her bras, underware and shoes. I remember she had a pair of knee-high boots I used to klump around the house in, sometimes pretending to be a military officer, othertimes a woman.
I never acted on my impulses back then, as I had picked up on "the rules" and that a guy wearing women's clothes was a huge no-no.
I went through what seemed to be an impossibly slow sexual awakening from ages 13-15, during this time I was very actracted to girls and almost more to thier clothes.
I struggled with my urges......I don't even know if I could call them urges really since I simple did not know what I wanted. I rescued the catalogs from the garbage my mom threw out: Speigal, Fredricks of Hollywood, Chadwicks, JC Penny etc. and cut out the pictures of the outfits I liked and hid them in my room.
I don't really know how put this delicately....but I would look at the pictures while self-pleasuring myself.....telling myself I was doing it for the models wearing the clothes.....not for the clothes. It was a little troubling when I'd imagine myself wearing the clothes.
: What? I could not be gay!
I had heard about them from my friends, but had never encountered one in rural Nevada. But I knew they were bad news, it was not okay to be one.
After a little struggle, I came to the realization that I was bisexual at 15, the fantasizing and desire for other men could no longer be ignore either, I had to face the hard truth about myself.
I started to open up to new things. I reconsidered what I had long supressed: my desire to dress as a woman.
Luckily fate interviened. My mom and step-dad had two households in two seperate towns. In my 16th summer, I got a job in heavy industry in one of those towns and my parents stayed at the other house.
Freedom! I was wonderful summer, I had found a women's bodysuit (remember those in the early 1990's ppuurrrr
) in the rag bin at work and was able to get it home and try it on for the first time. Oh, what a feeling! This was right on the cusp of the internet coming into regular use, so I didn't have that resource, so I order bras, panties, and thigh-highs out of the catalog.
Over time, through high school and early college, the urges to dress came and went.
Sometimes I felt guilty, not for dressing per se, but for hiding it from my friends and family. I have been hiding an important part of myself for a long time now, and it hurts. I have only told my best friend about my dressing. He was very accepting!
But where am I now? Well, I've never really gone past the panties and bra/lingere, I want to go out in public and be passible. I'm going to work on getting some more clothes, learning how to use make-up and then finally getting a make-over for the first time.
I don't know really were I am gender-wise, I've considered full transformation, but have decided I like the body my Y Chromosone gave me.
I'm most comfortable, playing with gender, hopping the fance you could say whenever I felt like it. In a perfect world, I'd like to go out in jeans, t-shirt, motorcycle boots and jacket (my usual fair) one day as Terry, then go out the next as Tara in high heels, a wig, a good blouse and a skirt the next.
I bet we all wish that, but reality has another thing in store for us though :evil:
But oh well, I think no matter what our age is, all we can do is try in our lifetimes to try and see if we can make such a world possible.
*hugs*
Tara
It's really great to have you join us...
I do believe you will enjoy it as I have. 
. Thank you all. I've been going through the threads in different sections and there are some great conversations going on here. 
