Crossdressers-Haven.com

" <snip>

After fielding the same questions from people in different facets of my life, it dawned on me: Many people do not know the difference between trans* women and drag queens!

There seems to be an assumption that all people assigned male at birth who grow up to wear clothing from the women’s section identify the same way.

And that couldn’t be further from the truth.

<snip> "


Full article here: http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/04/tra ... ag-queens/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;



- SL

This is actually a pretty good artical. It is worth the read.

What a wonderful article, thank you so much for sharing it with us Donna. For those that are TS, regardless of whether we are pre-op or post-op, are perhaps the most misunderstood people. I only wish I was 1/1000 th as able to put into words my feelings as the author did in this article.

Thanks for putting the link out there, SilverLady. I like seeing how other people go about explaining details of our lives. Even in our support group, we occasionally end up offending someone--we just can't always make the right judgement call on how to address someone, and even asking the question is hard to do in some cases.

One of my sisters visits LeeAnne and I sometimes, and she gets along with LeeAnne. She still feels that it's a verbal minefield, though, where she'll slip up without even knowing.

We got an example of this last week. A well-meaning mother of a trans woman wished her new daughter a happy Father's Day. She also wished the same for LeeAnne. OK--here may be good intentions, but the end result didn't work very well. LeeAnne handled this one with tact, and said she appreciated the thought. She also said that the mother might want to ask her trans daughter how she, the daughter, felt about this day now that she was transitioned. L wasn't trying to be heavy-handed, but she did want to let the woman know that it might be an issue.

LeeAnne is still a father, and nothing will ever change that fact. LeeAnne herself does not want to hear about Father's day, nor be recognized for it. I can see a family member saying, "Well, you're just too sensitive! It would be rude of me not to acknowledge Father's day! I can't win here!" The family member doesn't have to be in this bind, though. They do have to learn how to ask questions, and there are right ways and wrong ways to do that.

In the Midwest, I was raised to not ask questions about how people wanted to be addressed, or greeted, or whatever. You were just supposed to know--there was an assumption that there was common courtesy, and it fit all situations. Trans people throw a giant monkey wrench into all of this, and I'm not surprised that people are uncomfortable with the idea that they need to ask what another person prefers. It doesn't help that some trans people take the Midwestern attitude themselves, and scold the questioner for not 'somehow' knowing without having to be told.

In situations like that, I'd suggest if the person isn't your father, don't wish them a happy father's day.

Even in cis situations, if you don't know the persons relationship with their child, I would suggest avoiding any happy father's day, or mother's day, type greeting.

I would agree with you on this, Donna. Yet this year I was more aware of people on TV and radio wishing each other a happy Father's day, which I don't remember from years past. It struck me as odd that I was noticing it now.