Relatives

[Sally]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws

[Loy B(SO)]

FARM BOY
>>>
>>>A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm,
>>>his mother
>>>asks if he had done his chores."Not yet,"said the little boy. His
>>>mother
>>>tells him no breakfast till the chores are done. Well, he's a
>>>little pissed, so
>>>he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to
>>>feed the
>>>cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a
>>> pig. He
>>>goes back in for breakfast, and his mother gives him a bowl of
>>>dry cereal. "How
>>>come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in
>>>my cereal?"
>>>he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so
>>>you don't
>>>get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get
>>>any bacon for
>>>a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you
>>>aren't getting
>>>any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and
>>>kicks the cat
>>>halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother
>>>and with a
>>>smile says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I ?
>>>
>>>
>>

[Loy B(SO)]

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's
Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't
taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from
the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something
wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing
he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side
table. And, next to them, a single red rose!


Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins,
cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the
bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the
mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his
wife in lipstick!:


"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go get groceries to
make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!"


He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table eating.


Jack asks, "Son. what happened last night?"


"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell
over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway,
and got that black eye when you ran into the door."


Confused he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect
order,
so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"


His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"


Broken Coffee Table $39.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing at the right time . . Priceless

[KimberlyS]

ROFL