THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 ** LOCKED **

[Lorna]

hee hee hee hee! I love this thread!!!

Laughter is therapeutic too...

PS. Don't get into so many altercations. It's really tough on the nails!

Thanks Jeannie, I'll work on that... hence another reason why I love comedy so much! Who can kick someone's butt when they're too busy laughing??

[Jeannie]

Your OK in my book Lorna. I don't care what they say about you!
Big Hugs.

Love
Jeannie

PS I would love to have that picture of you rocking out with the guitar and big hair enlarged to poster size. I would put it up on my wall between the Farah Faucett and Frank Zappa posters! I read a post on another site about a place in Danbury CT called Triangles. Gender friendly bar for all. They are having a big todo for CDers on February 25 2006 in Danbury. They have info and a picture from last years event on Yahoo.. It looks like a nice place. Check it out!

[Lorna]

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."

Amazed, the driver asked for what.

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The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion!"

[SilverLady(SO)]

Investment tips for 2006

Investment tips for 2006.... for all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2006:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

9. Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name: Titty Titty Bang Bang


I don't write them, I just pass them along!



- SL

[Lorna]

[Jeannie]

A 5 star General is lying on a couch in a Phychiatrists office. The Dr. says"Whats your problem?" The General replies"I just want to wear womens uniforms."

Love
Jeannie

[LeftyRainbow(SO)]

Three old laidies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher jumps out from behind the bushes and exposes himself.

The first old lady had a stroke.

The second old lady had a stroke.

but the third old lady's arms were too short to reach...

[Jeannie]

An old man in a nursing home goes out in to the garden every night and relaxes. One evening an old woman joins him. They talk a bit and she says"If you could have one wish what would it be?" He replied " I would love to feel the touch of a woman" She feels sorry for him and puts her hand down his pants and he smiles. This goes on for two weeks and one night the old lady goes out into the garden and she sees him sitting with another woman. She walks up very upset and say's"What does she have that I don't have?" He replies"Parkinsons disease!"

Love
Jeannie

[Lorna]

Dick Cheney & his 78 y.o. buddy went hunting out in the woods. Then Dick Cheney accidentally shot him.



Hey, this IS the bad jokes thread!!!

I'm so evil....

[Jeannie]

After Dick Cheny shot his friend he said to the 78 year old man"Stop your whining. Your lucky it wasn't a cruise missle"

Love
Jeannie


PS. I don't know how you ladies feel but I never trust a man named DICK!

[Lorna]

After Dick Cheny shot his friend he said to the 78 year old man"Stop your whining. Your lucky it wasn't a cruise missle"

Love
Jeannie


PS. I don't know how you ladies feel but I never trust a man named DICK!

LOL!!!!

Okay, okay, here we go....

[DonnaT]

Nice picture Lorna!

Heard this one last night.

Since the man Cheney shot in the face was a lawyer, he can now use his other face while the one shot heals.

[Lorna]

Nice picture Lorna!

Heard this one last night.

Since the man Cheney shot in the face was a lawyer, he can now use his other face while the one shot heals.

Ohhhhhh!!!

[Jeannie]

You gals are so funny.

Love
Jeannie

PS. My ex loved to laugh at a cute little joke. Unfortunately it was when were in bed!

[Laura Ashcroft]

Sex is like math....

You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, leave the solution, and pray you don't multiply.