What do you call an Okie Pall-bearer?
Carry-Okie?
THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #1 ** LOCKED **
Moderator: KimberlyS
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Carolynn
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SilverLady(SO)
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Kari
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A straight man, a trans-sexual, and a crossdresser were drinking coffee
together in a cafe and watching the passing crowd. A very busty,
well-dressed, and attractive woman walked into view.
"Look at those t*ts !", exclaimed the straight man getting up from his seat for
a better view. "Doesn't she move beautifully", sighed the trans-sexual enviously.
The crossdresser drank some coffee and observed,
"Her lipstick is all wrong for that frock."
together in a cafe and watching the passing crowd. A very busty,
well-dressed, and attractive woman walked into view.
"Look at those t*ts !", exclaimed the straight man getting up from his seat for
a better view. "Doesn't she move beautifully", sighed the trans-sexual enviously.
The crossdresser drank some coffee and observed,
"Her lipstick is all wrong for that frock."
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
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Sally
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
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The bad jokes thread
A man was in a bar playing the piano.
The door opened and in walked an elephant which walked up and stood beside the man.
The man started a moving rendition of As Time Goes By and just then the elephant started to cry, flooding tears all over the man.
The man said,”I’m sorry, if this song is too much for your emotions I’ll play something else.”
“No”, said the elephant, “ It’s not the song, I was just looking at the white keys on your piano and I recognized my father."
The door opened and in walked an elephant which walked up and stood beside the man.
The man started a moving rendition of As Time Goes By and just then the elephant started to cry, flooding tears all over the man.
The man said,”I’m sorry, if this song is too much for your emotions I’ll play something else.”
“No”, said the elephant, “ It’s not the song, I was just looking at the white keys on your piano and I recognized my father."
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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Jeannie
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Love it Sally!
That's a good one hon! 
I love bar jokes.
A man walks up to the bar ,sits down and takes out a small baby grand piano and a small man who starts playing the piano. The bartender is amazed and say's"Wow! Buddy. Where did you get them?"
He replies"I found a Genie in a bottle on the way over here and he granted me three wishes! You want one?"
"Sure" says the bartender. "I wish it would rain a million bucks"
All of a sudden all these ducks start dropping out of nowhere.
"Hey!I wanted a million bucks! What gives?"
The man says"Sorry. I should of warned you Bud that the Genie is hard of hearing. You think I wanted a 12 inch pianist?"
Love
Jeannie
I love bar jokes.A man walks up to the bar ,sits down and takes out a small baby grand piano and a small man who starts playing the piano. The bartender is amazed and say's"Wow! Buddy. Where did you get them?"
He replies"I found a Genie in a bottle on the way over here and he granted me three wishes! You want one?"
"Sure" says the bartender. "I wish it would rain a million bucks"
All of a sudden all these ducks start dropping out of nowhere.
"Hey!I wanted a million bucks! What gives?"
The man says"Sorry. I should of warned you Bud that the Genie is hard of hearing. You think I wanted a 12 inch pianist?"
Love
Jeannie
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Lydia
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
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A lady meets a gentleman who is newly ensconced in a retirement home.
She says,”You’re new here aren’t you? Will you join me for lunch?”
“I’d love to, honey, but you should know that I just got out of prison after 12 years behind bars.”
She replied,”That’s OK. What were you in for?”
“I killed my wife.”
Said she,”Oh. So you’re single?”
Love,
Lydia
She says,”You’re new here aren’t you? Will you join me for lunch?”
“I’d love to, honey, but you should know that I just got out of prison after 12 years behind bars.”
She replied,”That’s OK. What were you in for?”
“I killed my wife.”
Said she,”Oh. So you’re single?”
Love,
Lydia
"There comes a time ... when you must grasp the bull by the tail and face the situation."
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Carolynn
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A man is driving down a steep, narrow mountain road. A
woman is driving up the same road. As they pass each other
the woman leans out the window and yells: "PIG!!" The man
immediately leans out his window and replies "BITCH!!" They
each continue on their way and as the man rounds the next
sharp curve he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.
woman is driving up the same road. As they pass each other
the woman leans out the window and yells: "PIG!!" The man
immediately leans out his window and replies "BITCH!!" They
each continue on their way and as the man rounds the next
sharp curve he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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Sally
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the bad jokes thread
A woman walks into a veterinarian’s waiting room dragging a dripping wet rabbit on a leash.
She sits down then says, “Sit fluffy, down girl.”
The bunny glares at her then jumps up on another customer’s lap, shakes itself sending water all over the person.
The embarrassed woman grabs the bunny and says, ”I said sit Fluffy, now you be good and do as you’re told.”
The bunny glares at her again then sits in the middle of the floor and urinates. The totally embarrassed woman shouts,” Damn you Fluffy, will you behave yourself.”
Fluffy then glares at a Doberman sitting near him, then suddenly springs at the Doberman, who then turns tail and runs out of the office with the bunny hot on it’s tail.
The receptionist then says to the woman, “ Lady, would you please keep your bunny under control, you’re upsetting everyone.:
As the woman runs out of the door she says over her shoulder, “ I’m so sorry, but I just washed my hare and I can’t do a thing with it.”
She sits down then says, “Sit fluffy, down girl.”
The bunny glares at her then jumps up on another customer’s lap, shakes itself sending water all over the person.
The embarrassed woman grabs the bunny and says, ”I said sit Fluffy, now you be good and do as you’re told.”
The bunny glares at her again then sits in the middle of the floor and urinates. The totally embarrassed woman shouts,” Damn you Fluffy, will you behave yourself.”
Fluffy then glares at a Doberman sitting near him, then suddenly springs at the Doberman, who then turns tail and runs out of the office with the bunny hot on it’s tail.
The receptionist then says to the woman, “ Lady, would you please keep your bunny under control, you’re upsetting everyone.:
As the woman runs out of the door she says over her shoulder, “ I’m so sorry, but I just washed my hare and I can’t do a thing with it.”
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
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SilverLady(SO)
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Lydia
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
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Jeannie
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LOL.
That's a great one Hon. Loved it. Another joke for me to steal! Thanks Lydia! Hugs
Love
Jeannie
PS. You have to hand it to Mark Foley. He goes with todays trend. "It's not my fault." I've been using that since I was was a little girl but it never helped! I still got spanked!
Love
Jeannie
PS. You have to hand it to Mark Foley. He goes with todays trend. "It's not my fault." I've been using that since I was was a little girl but it never helped! I still got spanked!
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DonnaT
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Also heard on TV
"Mark Foley has now checked into rehab for alcoholism. Oh, shut up. Like that's the big problem. Who cares if he's addicted to Jack Daniels? He's addicted to little Jack and little Daniel. That's the problem." --Jay Leno
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/sexa ... yjokes.htm
Note how some of the jokes are similar but by different tellers.
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/sexa ... yjokes.htm
Note how some of the jokes are similar but by different tellers.
Last edited by DonnaT on Thu Oct 05, 2006 6:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.
DonnaT
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DonnaT
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Jeannie
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- Location: Connecticut
Drink up.
A very well dressed proper gentleman walks into a neighborhood bar and and says
"Barkeep. I would like some 12 year old Scotch on the rocks please."
The bartender grabs a bottle and pours and says"Here you are Bud"
He takes a sip and says"Barkeep. This is not 12 year old Scotch. This is 8 year old Scotch."
He grabs another bottle and says"Try this then"
He takes another sip and says"Barkeep. This is not 12 year old Scotch. This is 10 year old Scotch"
At the corner of the bar there's a drunk and he's getting really annoyed at this guy. He grabs a glass from behind the bar,puts in ice and pees in the glass.
He says to the man "Hey Buddy! Try this!"
The gentleman takes a sip and says"This tastes like piss!"
The drunk says"How old am I?"
Love
Jeannie
"Barkeep. I would like some 12 year old Scotch on the rocks please."
The bartender grabs a bottle and pours and says"Here you are Bud"
He takes a sip and says"Barkeep. This is not 12 year old Scotch. This is 8 year old Scotch."
He grabs another bottle and says"Try this then"
He takes another sip and says"Barkeep. This is not 12 year old Scotch. This is 10 year old Scotch"
At the corner of the bar there's a drunk and he's getting really annoyed at this guy. He grabs a glass from behind the bar,puts in ice and pees in the glass.
He says to the man "Hey Buddy! Try this!"
The gentleman takes a sip and says"This tastes like piss!"
The drunk says"How old am I?"
Love
Jeannie
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Sally
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
- Posts: 630
- Joined: Thu Feb 26, 2004 1:33 am
- Location: N.S.W. Australia
the bad jokes thread
What is life like under the sea? Is it a dogfish eat dogfish world? Is everyone united for a common porpoise? Or do they all split off in their own special groupers? Well, one tragic story indicates it's not so perfect down there.
There was once a brilliant sturgeon on the staff of the community health fishility. He was in fact one of it's flounders. Wiser than salmon, a fin fellow who would never shrimp from his responsibilities, he was successful and happy and always whistled a happy tuna.
One day one of his patients, a mere whipper snapper, started trouting around telling everyone the sturgeon's treatments had made him more eel than he had been and he'd conked him with a malpractice suit.
Well, the sturgeon was in a real pickeral. The board chased him off the staff and demanded his oyster. But fortunately the case smelt to high heaven so the judge denied the plaintiff's clam.
The board tried to hire the sturgeon back but by then he had hit the bottlenose pretty hard. But what's really shad about the story is that the sturgeon ended up on squid-row...
There was once a brilliant sturgeon on the staff of the community health fishility. He was in fact one of it's flounders. Wiser than salmon, a fin fellow who would never shrimp from his responsibilities, he was successful and happy and always whistled a happy tuna.
One day one of his patients, a mere whipper snapper, started trouting around telling everyone the sturgeon's treatments had made him more eel than he had been and he'd conked him with a malpractice suit.
Well, the sturgeon was in a real pickeral. The board chased him off the staff and demanded his oyster. But fortunately the case smelt to high heaven so the judge denied the plaintiff's clam.
The board tried to hire the sturgeon back but by then he had hit the bottlenose pretty hard. But what's really shad about the story is that the sturgeon ended up on squid-row...
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.