Neutral Political Jokes

[Carolynn]

Politically neutral jokes.

While walking down the street one day a US Senator is tragically hit by a
truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it
seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you
see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the Senator.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to
spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf
course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his
friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his
hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the
expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and
champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good
time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he
realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises ..

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is
waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving
from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and,
before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose
your eternity.'

The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I
mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in
hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it
in black bags as more trash falls from above...

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't
understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank
champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full
of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says.......



'Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.'




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> A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
>
> Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
>
> I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so! we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.' So the little boy! Goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
>
> Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
>
> So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.
> He gives up and goes back to bed.
>
> The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
>
> The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'
>
> The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep manure.
>

[DonnaT]

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."

George W. asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"