What did you say?
Posted: Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:49 am
One Wednesday, Murphy went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, 'Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and I always have to repeat things.'
'Well, 'the doctor replied, 'Go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness' .
Sure enough, Murphy goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, 'Betty, what's for dinner?' He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, 'Betty, what's for dinner?'
Betty says, 'That's the fourth time you asked me. For the fourth time, it's meatloaf.'
Overheard in Sunnyside Clinic, Fratton, as a receptionist spoke to an obviously hard-of-hearing client, 'No Mrs Jones, not the HEARSE, I'm sending the NURSE.'
Iain speaks frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.'
'Is this her first child?' the doctor queries.
'No, you idiot.' Iain shouts. 'This is her husband.'
Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. The Doc told him, 'Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can't drink tea.'
Ronan stuttered, 'But I love tea.'
The doctor replied, 'Okay, as long as you take the spoon out.'
My mom had always wanted to play the piano, so Dad bought her one for her birthday. A few weeks later, I called and asked how she was doing. "We returned the piano," said Dad. "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because," he explained, "with a clarinet, she can't sing along."
Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring
at him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private,
3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
The little guy faints and falls to the floor..
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
says: "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?
The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall,
I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3
pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,
"Turn around."
A biker goes to the doctor for his hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes.. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
'Well, 'the doctor replied, 'Go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness' .
Sure enough, Murphy goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, 'Betty, what's for dinner?' He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, 'Betty, what's for dinner?'
Betty says, 'That's the fourth time you asked me. For the fourth time, it's meatloaf.'
Overheard in Sunnyside Clinic, Fratton, as a receptionist spoke to an obviously hard-of-hearing client, 'No Mrs Jones, not the HEARSE, I'm sending the NURSE.'
Iain speaks frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.'
'Is this her first child?' the doctor queries.
'No, you idiot.' Iain shouts. 'This is her husband.'
Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. The Doc told him, 'Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can't drink tea.'
Ronan stuttered, 'But I love tea.'
The doctor replied, 'Okay, as long as you take the spoon out.'
My mom had always wanted to play the piano, so Dad bought her one for her birthday. A few weeks later, I called and asked how she was doing. "We returned the piano," said Dad. "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because," he explained, "with a clarinet, she can't sing along."
Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this
HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring
at him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private,
3 pound testicles, Turner Brown."
The little guy faints and falls to the floor..
The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy
says: "What's wrong with you?"
In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?
The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall,
I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weigh 3
pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says: "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,
"Turn around."
A biker goes to the doctor for his hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes.. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."