Crossdressers-Haven.com

This e-mail made my day!!

FUNNY e-mail!!!
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To all of you:

▪ I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

▪ Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

▪ I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

▪ I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

▪ I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

▪ I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

▪ I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

▪ Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

▪ Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

▪ I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

▪ I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

▪ I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

▪ And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

▪ I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

▪ I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

▪ I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

▪ I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

▪ I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

▪ I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

▪ I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

▪ Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

▪ Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

▪ And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.Oh, and don't forget this one either!

▪ I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

▪ If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... Have a wonderful day....

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New Study:

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

You're just not right!

Love
Jeannie

PS. Were you dropped on your head when you were a baby like me?

That was very funny. The mouse thing is disturbing but I am sure not true. I must admit that I had my hand on my mouse the whole time. There is however a reason scroll wheel.

Hi Lorna! That was a good one. I will be passing it on to some friends, part of whom insist on sending those goofy chain letter e-mails to me.

Love,
Carolynn

Thaks Lorna for the laughs! As for the mouse thing! I will have to ask my SO if she has noticed any diminished sexual activity!
Virginia

I have a bone to pick with you Honey. How did you know my wife called it "The Mouse"? Love hurts! Hugs



Love
Jeannie

I ain't going there!!!
Love ya,
Virginia

Hey, Virginia!!

I don't know about you and your SO, but as far as my CD and I are concerned, we have had a definite INCREASE in sexual activity and brain function ever since we have become romantically involved!! Hmmm, maybe that's because we are soul mates??



- SL

Increase in sexual activity Silver Lady? What's that? Oh! I vaguely remember! I was so tired of of the same way every time I complained to a friend of of mine and he said"Just flip her over" I replied" What! And have more kids?"Hugs!

Love
Jeannie

Virginia wrote:I ain't going there!!!

Ditto!!!!



- SL

Sorry,but you gals are such wimps. At this point in my life I go anywhere, anytime and have fun doing it. I don't have to be asked twice! Remember ladies. You're in that coffin a long time. Play hard or someone else wil do it for you. I'm just the girl to do it! If your life is not fun,what good is it? We are all born to die. Why die unhappy? I must be dense. It took me 55 years to figure that out. I'm making up for lost time and finally having fun. If you think too much about what you say because what others will think, that's crazy! They'll get over it. If they don't whose problem is that? Theirs! Sweet! I told you ladies lots about me but I never told you I was sane! Gotta go. The attendants saw me in the community room on the computer. Oh no! Another night in the strait jacket in the padded room! However,it is great fun bouncing off the walls! If life gives you lemons make lemonade! .... OK! Ok! You don't have to get rough! I'll go on my own. I love the padded room! It's like being home!........ Wait a minute! Where's my Mother?


Love
Jeannie


PS. Issues?.....I don't have no stinkin' issues!

Jeannie wrote:Sorry,but you gals are such wimps. At this point in my life I go anywhere, anytime and have fun doing it. I don't have to be asked twice! Remember ladies. You're in that coffin a long time. Play hard or someone else wil do it for you.

There ya go!!

Jeannie, one day you and I will totally meet in person. You and I are so on the same wavelength!! Life's too short to worry about what ultimately doesn't even matter.

It would be great to meet you in person. I live in Waterbury Ct and only two hours from the city. I would drive to Stratford and jump on the train and go into Grand Central. I'd buy you dinner and then you could show me a night on the town. The last time I was in New York was last January with my friend Gary who died last march.. He got tickets to The Boy from Oz and then we went to Lucky Changs to eat. Lorna. We looked way better than those ladies there and the food sucked! What a tourist trap! If you ever want a visit just let me know! I'll bring a digital camera and we can snap away in Times Square! Just don't take me to a place where those weird Metrosexuals hang out! They creep me out!:lol: Hugs




Love
Jeannie

PS. I was thinking that if we walk into one of your favorite bars they might say to you"How nice Lorna. You took your Mom out for the night. Is she a bit sick?She looks really pale."

Hi Lorna,

I had a vivid dream last night of meeting you. I walked into a strange living room, and there you were sitting on the couch. Both of us were in guy mode, but I recognized you instantly from your pictures here. We were just about to start a great conversation when I woke up.

Hugs,

Lydia