Gardeners extraordinaire

[Sally]

The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her old grandmother just has a fit, telling her not to dare go out on a date like that.

The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times.
You gotta let your ‘rosebuds’ show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it's just not appropriate.

Granny replies, "Loosen up, sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

[Gaven McLaren]

That was so very wrong and disturbing. I am going to have to send it to people.

[Sally]

Well Gaven, if that was twisted evil then I'll have to tell one which applies to the fellas. LOL.....

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.

The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted healed.

Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home, put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me."

So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart, and the little old man put his hands over his crotch.

The little old lady turned to her husband and said "Honey, the man said he could heal the sick, not resurrect the dead!"

[Gaven McLaren]

I think that is twisted as well. I have had someone say that to me after rejecting her the night before when I relised that she was as old as my mother. It all turned out all right as she is now a really good friend and my boss when I am working security at ren. faires here in CA.

[Sally]

Well if I keep trying I'll find one which isn't a twister.....

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar.
They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the American says, "Yeah,that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! So that actually happened to you, did it?"


"No," replies the Irish guy, "my sister told me about it"

[Gaven McLaren]

That one was great. I was not saying that twisted was a bad thing. I like twisted jokes that is why I sent the first one to my mother, grandmother and roommates.