Perhaps I just worry too much

[Lorna]

Being the designated "upbeat" person in my face-to-face circle of family & friends can be downright exhausting, especially when I have nothing to be cheerful about. But I am NOT going to harp on that, no maam...

I just feel like I'm really making an effort to pick myself up here. June has been a rotten month. But I do have a fun-filled weekend coming up. I should be excited, but why aren't I? Maybe it's because I've had a REAL stressful week. Whoops, I mean MONTH. Nope, YEAR... That's better.

Or maybe it's because I'm overly worried that something will go wrong. The last time I planned & spent money for an event that was supposed to be fun, it ended in drama and disaster.

If this weekend isn't FUN, if ANYTHING aggravates me, if ANYONE p***es me off, I SWEAR that I am moving to California & never returning to NY. EVER.

Don't mind me, I'm just airing out my innermost stupid thoughts... I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow, read my post and say to myself, "Why the heck did I post this?"

I know this is a stupid post, but please be nice... I do not want to hear any lectures, (I get enough of those face-to-face, believe me) Not all of my innermost thoughts make sense. But I'll just keep my fingers crossed that this will be a drama-FREE weekend. I really do need to get out & have fun for a change. I think that;'s what I need to restore my spirit. Spent the whole damn month of June at home, no job, no money to go anywhere or do anything.

I think I need to rediscover what FUN is. This weekend will be my first opportunity in months. Even Lorna stopped being fun not too long ago. I just want the whole CDing experience to be fun again.

[CJ]

Hey Lorna!

Glad to see you.

I need to get out, too. Why don't you come up to Montreal?; we'll crash the Jazz Fest and then paint the town purple!

Hope you do have fun this weekend, girl. You both need and deserve it.

Love,
CJ

[Lorna]

Thanks hon! I do miss this forum... I just needed the time off until my anger at world blew over... I hate to post when I'm angry.

This whole year has been really kicking my butt and then some. Ya never know, you just might find me up in Canada, especially if they bring back the draft...

But as of tomorrow, this nasty beard comes off!!

[Elizabeth]

Hi Lorna,

I totally understand. I have been desinated keep everyone in positive mode. Sometimes I just had to tell everyone to @*!^ OFF!!!!!!!!

Later I remember that other people are not as strong as me, and regret doing it, because it would afffect so many people in a negative way. Which would bring me down. Then I would cheer everyone back up, and feel better, until I became emotionally drained again, and the cycle would repeat.

I finally let myself off the hook, and decided that everyone was going to have to be responsible for thier own happiness. I am now taking steps to make this a reality, by doing things that make me happy, instead of things that make others happy.. I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. Everyone is acting completely different to me. It is like I don't know anyone, anymore.
Everyone I thought I knew, turned out to be someone else, overnight. Seems the only ones that are themselves are my kids. And it turns out, I am ok with that.

I am not going to get everythiing I want. It's cool.I will settle for being able to like myself again, and I do. It feels good to me. I am going to be ok, and so are you. I know it.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Kathy]

Hi Lorna,

No lectures, I promise.

Just good to have you back.

[Beauty]

Being the designated "upbeat" person in my face-to-face circle of family & friends can be downright exhausting, especially when I have nothing to be cheerful about. But I am NOT going to harp on that, no maam...

I just feel like I'm really making an effort to pick myself up here. June has been a rotten month. But I do have a fun-filled weekend coming up. I should be excited, but why aren't I? Maybe it's because I've had a REAL stressful week. Whoops, I mean MONTH. Nope, YEAR... That's better.

Or maybe it's because I'm overly worried that something will go wrong. The last time I planned & spent money for an event that was supposed to be fun, it ended in drama and disaster.

If this weekend isn't FUN, if ANYTHING aggravates me, if ANYONE p***es me off, I SWEAR that I am moving to California & never returning to NY. EVER.

Don't mind me, I'm just airing out my innermost stupid thoughts... I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow, read my post and say to myself, "Why the heck did I post this?"

I know this is a stupid post, but please be nice... I do not want to hear any lectures, (I get enough of those face-to-face, believe me) Not all of my innermost thoughts make sense. But I'll just keep my fingers crossed that this will be a drama-FREE weekend. I really do need to get out & have fun for a change. I think that;'s what I need to restore my spirit. Spent the whole damn month of June at home, no job, no money to go anywhere or do anything.

I think I need to rediscover what FUN is. This weekend will be my first opportunity in months. Even Lorna stopped being fun not too long ago. I just want the whole CDing experience to be fun again.

[Rebecca]

Hi Lorna,

Great to see some of your strength returning. Like I said, your'e a survivor, and a valuable one at that.

Good for you,

Love
Rebecca xxx

[Merinda]

Hi Lorna ,

Its nice to see you back , dont worry about feeling angry at the world it happens to most of us from time to time.

Anyway I look forward to reading your posts again

[Lorna]

Thanks so much girls!

But this time I'll just take everything one day at a time. All I can do now is keep myself busy in the mantime. I went to my mother's this week & was working on renovatring & repainting... it's amazing how something as simple as "keeping busy" can ward off depression & keep you from going nuts.

I am also practicing various stress management techniques that have proven useful as well. But I just have to take my own advice: DON'T STRESS. Just ENJOY.

[CJ]

All I can do now is keep myself busy in the mantime.

The "mantime," Lorna?

Glad to see you in good spirits.

Love,
CJ

[Lorna]

All I can do now is keep myself busy in the mantime.

The "mantime," Lorna?

Glad to see you in good spirits.

Love,
CJ

LOL!!! Well at least I spent the weekend in "woman-time..."


* Insert groans here *

But thanks hon! All went well on the 4th! Check my last post in the Invasion thread in the Fun Stuff folder...