I cannot understand how I feel!

Kerri · Post by **Kerri** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 3:20 pm

Hi,

I'm confused!

I am married with three kids, two sons 31 & 22 and a daughter of 30.
My younger son was going to a football game and while he was in his room getting ready, his mate called to give him a lift to the game.

I am embarrassed to admit that I found this guy very attractive. I was unable to speak directly to him without feeling odd inside.

I have never felt this way about a guy before. I have never considered myself gay, the thought of male intimacy usually turns my stomach.
So why does this guy interest me so?

It is a big step for me to even admit to this. Why is this happening to me?

Help me understand.

Kerry

Jassmine(SO) · Post by **Jassmine(SO)** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 4:03 pm

Hey Kerry

I myself, have been sexually attracted to another woman. I am about as hetro as they get, but every now and again I will run across a particulary beautiful woman, who just radiates inner beauty and peace. And I am attracted to her. I have had plenty of hetro women attarcted to me, as well.

One cannot help who one is attracted to. I am very attracted to beauty, mostly inner beauty

I have never been with another woman and I don't see myself doing so, but if the right woman came along, who knows....

I just wanted to let you know, that someone else has experienced what you are feeling

*Hugs & Love*

Kerri · Post by **Kerri** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 5:02 pm

Thanks for that Jassmine!!

Kerri

Amelie-Laveau · Post by **Amelie-Laveau** » Mon Oct 04, 2004 5:49 pm

I can't really tell you, but Ill try to. You can be attracted to someone without it being sexual. I knew a girl who I'd never have sex with, but I fell in love with her even though we both knew I could not make love to her. I was attracted to her inner beauty like Jassmine says and also her outer beauty, but it wasn't sexual. Like you I can't explain why? I felt like this, as guess it is what everyone calls love. We remained very close friends, until the pain of living was too much for her, she commited suicide, This had devastated me and haunts me to this day.
I will always question myself,,, What if?
Love Amelie

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 3:23 pm

Wow, Kerry,
I read your post and I know that this must have come up before, but as for me I don't know what to say other than search your feelings, don't do anything rash without considering all aspects of the situation. What was he wearing, what were you wearing, what was your mood, had you dressed recently or planning to dress? Do any of the guys on TV or in the movies inspire the same feelings? It could have been just as they say, " a passing fancy!"
Take care, honey and let us know what happens - if anything!
Virginia

Julie J · Post by **Julie J** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 3:40 pm

Kerry thanks for sharing, this is an interesting subject and I feel the girls above this posting have said it all.

I will say though do not feel guilty about these feelings and I take into account your comment about how you normally feel about male intamacy. I have quite often had these feelings about other men, if you want to talk more us girls are never far away.

Love Julie J

Kerri · Post by **Kerri** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 3:43 pm

Thanks for sound advice Virginia. This is the first time the feeling has felt so strong and powerful. I am not planning to jeapordise my long term relationship by making any form of move on this guy.

I have got to learn to live with and control the emotion. But I have not had this strength of emotion before especially for another guy.

I was in male DIY mode, covered in brick dust and old plaster. He was ready for a football game. I do not doubt for one second that he is a 100% hetero male.

I have been dressing recently and have been planning a return to my former active status within the TV/TS community in NE Scotland.

I have recently recovered from a long term depressive illness which laid me low for well over two years. My mind is fragile and vulnerable I guess.

I value this Forum because it has helped me express my feelings and get good advice and a feeling of being surrounded by friends. Thanks for helping me to cope.

Hugs

Kerri

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Tue Oct 05, 2004 8:40 pm

Hi Kerry--
I can't say, "Oh, that happens to everyone." It probably does happen to many more than ever talk about it.

Exact same thing happened to me, many years ago. I was 26, strictly hetero. I was living in a household where I had gay roommates, and I'd been hit on by their friends. Had no interest, and I politely declined.

So I was riding with a musician friend one night, and he said, "Hey, I've got to drop off this piece of gear. It'll only take a second."

We went up to the door and knocked. Door opens, and there's a guy standing there, about my age at the time. He's bearded, wearing glasses, and he's in decent shape. Got shorts on, with legs like a bicyclist, maybe--strong-looking.

And I literally got weak in the knees, standing there. I suddenly had all kinds of feelings running through me, and I was amazed. The guy was not even a type of person that I'm attracted to as a friend, let alone anything else. But he was having a powerful effect on me, instantly.

I have met beautiful women since then who have had a somewhat similiar effect on me, but never anything like this was. Especially that part about the quivering knees! That's such a cliche, but it really happened.

And it was all so baffling that I just started smiling. No one else noticed.

I have had enough experiences with reincarnation flashes that I explain it that way. I don't necessarily think we were HERE, but I do feel that I've lived in other systems of reality, and this "guy" was from one of them. It was recognizing a friend or lover from "home" when I saw him. Certainly there was nothing remarkable about him in THIS reality, and I never saw the guy again.

Take it for what it's worth. You don't have to buy into my explanation, but I do know what you're talking about.
Anita