Post Christmas Depression

[Lorna]

I don't know what's wrong. On second thought yes I do.

I've been in this serious funk for days now. Even though the Holiday mayhem is over with, I still can't shake these rotten feelings today. I don't know whether to punch a wall, or drink myself into oblivion or just cry.

I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that I feel that I've been played for a fool, specifically by my family and "friends".

I spent a LOT of money on gifts that I thought that people would like, only to have lukewarm reactions at best. Not even a thank you. Mom made it plainly known that she HATED the $200 coat I bought for her. I'll never forget the look of borderline disgust on her face when she opened her gift. Now, incidentally it also did not fit her. So like a good son I myself went to exchange it for her for the right size, and when I returned to her house with the right size, she didn't even bother to try it on. She just coldly said "Just hang it up in the closet."

Part of the joy of giving is that you get to see the look of joy on the recipient, am I right? Otherwise it's a wasted effort.

Then there was the night I was visiting my best friend & his family (his firstborn daughter is my goddaughter) and he does not understand that the telephone is a TWO WAY device. In other words, every time we speak, I always have to be the one to initiate the phone call. He can never pick up the phone to call me. I always have to dial HIM.

Even worse, neither he nor his wife ever bother to return any of my messages whenever they're NOT available. Then when I don't call, months pass by, and suddenly it's MY fault that we haven't spoken for so long.

He finally called me up the day before his gathering to invite me over. That night at the gathering he had the nerve to tell me that "I don't come around often enough". Aaaarrrrrrgggghhhh!

The coat incident with Mom and my best friend's lack of courtesy to pick up a phone are perfect examples of how I go through lots of time, trouble and expense for NOTHING.

As a result, my contempt for the holiday season grows stronger and stronger every year.

To hell with the family. I'm nothing but a damn doormat in their eyes. And every year, every holiday I return for more of their disrespect and abuse.

What's wrong with me? Why do I do this? I'm not the type of person to just take crap from people. I just don't get it. And I wish I could shake this funk.

I go through the same crap evey year which I now realize is a big fat WASTE.

I don't expect anyone to understand.

[Amelie-Laveau]

I can understand what you are going through. I am the bad guy in the family, I am the one most hated out of everyone. There are very few people in my family that I talk to, this might be where you might be headed. I have given up on some members of my family, as they have given up on me a long time ago.

But I still get presents(what I can afford) to the kids. If the parents don't appreaciate my gifts, I don't care. I did what I felt was right. It is them that have taken the wrong attitude when they condem me or my gifts. I did no wrong and I feel happy that I can look past their hatred of me and still give their kids gifts. I think deep down this bugs them. they would prefer that I show hate to their kids as they show their hatred towards me. But I won't let them get to me. I will remain happy and I will always be me, despite how my family treats me.

Lorna, you did no wrong in your gift giving, just remember, deep in your heart you did the right thing. It is sad that others can't see the good that you have done.

[Lorna]

Thanks so much hon...

[KathyB]

Amelie: Wonderful words of truth and support - thank you!

Lorna: Don't bother with the drinking thing - it never helps. Also don't bother trying to please people who would rather always be disappointed no matter what you do. Like Amelie said, you did the right thing. You made a great effort and invested a lot of concern and thought. If someone else (yeah, family is just "someone else" to me ) chooses not to recognize and appreciate your effort, that's THEIR shortcoming. It's no fault of yours.

[Kerri]

Lorna, Startby putting your avatar back. You look lovely why hide your face?

My feeling is you are trying too hard. It may not be your motive but you cannot buy affection. The joy of Christmas is the joy of giving, it might help you to give smaller, simpler gifts.

I feel so much empathy with you but I cannot put it into words. Your like my daughter in many ways, I wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be just fine.

As for your friend, I stopped calling people on the phone, where did it get me? I'm very lonely!

Take Care, Lorna, we love you...

Hugs

Kerri
xx

[Virginia]

Lorna,
Honey we now live in the United States of the Offended! It seems that no matter what you do anymore no seems to notice or appreciate it and on top of that they are offended that you did something nice or otherwise and if you don't do anything they are still offended that you did not do anything! You are not alone in this I can guarantee you that. For me I take a lot of solice from my sisters here (maybe too much sometimes) but I have seldom been disappointed by the girls here. We are family and love each other and only want what is best for each other!
Now I can suggest that next year you can send each of us a present and none of us would be disappointed and we would all love to hug you for your generosity - how does that sound, girlfriend!
AND YES PUT YOUR AVATAR BACK!!!!!!!!!!
Love ya,
Virginia

[Lorna]

I guess you're right ladies. Next year I will definitely know better. Maybe a nice getaway next Christmas (just me alone) shall be in order.

[Danette]

Hi Lorna,
Let me know were you are going maybe I'll meet you there. Then we'll have a reason to have a drink.

Hugs,
Danette

[Elizabeth]

Hi Lorna,

I think I understand how you feel. I just stopped getting everyone gifts or they stopped giving me gifts. I have 3 brothers and 4 sisters and my mothers. I speak to two of my brothers and two of my sisters. However, we do not exchange gifts.

I also do not exchange gifts with my best friend or my second best friend. Birthdays included. It totally eliminates the pressure to buy a gift, the downer of getting someone something they don't like, or the downer of getting a gift that is dramatially economically disproportionate from the gift I gave them(either way), or the disappointment of getting a sucky gift.

Everyone saves money, a nice "merry christmas" or "happy birthday" phone call and everyone knows they have not been forgotton.

I used to make $90k a year, now I make $30k a year on disability. I let everyone know in advance that it was really going to have to be "the thought that counts" from now on. And yet, my children and friends seem to have had a great christmas anyway.

Merry Christmas Lorna, you know I love you and I hope that my thoughts of your sadness becoming happiness are enough.

Love Always,
Elizabeth

[Marda]

I don't know what's wrong. On second thought yes I do.
... I don't know whether to punch a wall, or drink myself into oblivion or just cry. ... I feel that I've been played for a fool, specifically by my family and "friends" ... Why do I do this? ... I just don't get it. ... I don't expect anyone to understand

Ahhh - but I *do* understand
but the last time I explained it to you, you went and did a 'Lorna'
and got excited and took it backwards, and got your bra and panties all in a knot
and then I was summoned by the head mistress
who put me on probation
and then when I reexplained it to you, you realized that I was one of the only people who could explain it to you
OK ... I'll try again
You see Lorna my Dear ... it's like this ...
Ready ???
Johnny Carson had Ed McMahon
Jay Leno has Kevin Eubanks
David Letterman has Paul Shaffer
Oprah needs LORNA
~

TrustMe,
Love / Marda

[Absaroka]

Dear Lorna

Families are weird sometimes. Don't know what to say. Keep posting, lots of us have these feelings. Sometimes I hate the holidays.

I have friends who never call but they are still friends. Sometimes it bothers me, others it doesn't. When it does it is because I am wondering if I am being too needy when I am the only one who calls. Bad for my self esteem and so on that folks don't call me but that is just how some people are. For me hearing we don't see you enough means we would like to see you more and is not something to feel criticized by. But they are your friends and you hopefully can read them well.

Hang in there. Soon it will be groundhogs day and we can all celebrate the upcoming spring.

Andrea

[Stephanie W]

Lorna

Who knows why people react the way they do? You do what you do because that's you. Being thoughtful and wanting to enjoy the spirit of the holidays is nothing to be ashamed of. If their reaction is one of ungratefulness, that's not your problem. Just take comfort that you've done the right thing. You've tried, but wasting continued effort on those who don't appreciate you is tiring and simply not worth it. This world is full of folks who WOULD appreciate your thoughtfulness. Go find them.

Stephanie

[Lorna]

Hey ladies, thanks again...

My GG friend Lyn and I had a very long chat about this last night, and she basically told me the same thing. And as the days go by, the holiday season becomes just a bad memory and I start to feel more like my old self.

For those of you who love this time of year, continue to do so, and cherish what you have.

For those of us who lathe this time of year, well... the beauty of it is that it's only a few days. If we can weather the storm for a while, then we'll be okay.

Thanks again, girls!! I now anxiously await New Years Eve weekend - good friends, good fun, good times.

Life is too short to brood.