Family drama, that, oddly enough, wasn't mine...but...

Michelle Miller · Post by **Michelle Miller** » Sun Aug 28, 2011 10:40 pm

I still had a front row seat to the 12th round of this little spat, and oh-my-lord, let me tell you, all I could think of when the dust settled was "The first thing I'm doing is having a long talk with my mother and making sure all her ducks are in a row."

A longtime friend's mother recently passed away, and there was a bit of animosity between the siblings, especially the middle child and the other two. Joey, my friend, was his mother's primary, in-home caregiver in her last few years, and his mother was just the most wonderful woman, strong, opinionated and not in the least shy about sharing those opinions, whether you wanted to hear them or not...the kind of woman you just had to respect for that, if you liked nothing else about her.

Well, Joey's two older sisters could not be any different if they'd been plucked from opposite sides of the earth. The oldest one is just a sweetheart, I love her to death, she's basically her mother made over, but the middle one, she's got entitlement issues. She thinks the world owes her something, and is the epitome' of lowdown, dirty, cheating, backstabbing scum.

Without Joey's knowledge (the middle sister lives close, but the oldest is 5 hours away), the middle one convinced their mother to change a standing will that their father had drawn up, which left everything to Joey, as the middle and oldest one both were out on their own, with their own larger houses, while Joey and his wife were living beside the parents in a smaller, more run-down-ish place, caring for them. The amended will stated that if Joey wanted to keep his mother's house, that the other two must be compensated.

The oldest one didn't have any knowledge of it being changed, she went ballistic when she found out...literally..they'd just buried their mother...and she finds out something like this... she told him to forget about it, and keep whatever money they had, but the middle one wants "what's hers"...and wants her '80k' third of the house's worth'...and even had the nerve to tell him to 'have her money as soon as he could', not 20 minutes after we all got back to the house after we buried the poor woman.

and that's not all...

Joey and his wife literally had to lock doors in that woman's house, with valuables in them, knowing she'd be there with the rest of us, to keep her from pilfering them, while we all sat there, and her mother, not even cold in the ground...

I mean, I'm not what you'd call a generous person by any stretch of the word, I'll help out who I can, when and where, but I literally cannot fathom how someone can be that materialistic, shallow and greedy.

Sheesh...some people...I mean, it'd have been funny if it'd been on TV...but that's what's sad, it wasn't...it was reality...it just wasn't TV...

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:14 am

Very interesting story, I know for a fact crap like that happens.
My kids all know and understand my wife and our will and as of yet no complaining, of course no one is dead yet eighter

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Aug 29, 2011 9:32 am

I've been to funerals where the only conclusion I could draw was that the deceased showed the best judgement of all by dying first. Death sometimes brings out the worst in people.

Talking about the will and such is often considered in poor taste, but both my parents and inlaws all had long talks with the children (inlaws tactfully not there) prior to dying discussing how everything was.

It's people like the folks you describe, I think, who give the whole question of discussing the will a bad air. My thought is if someone doesn't want something brought up, what are they hiding. It may not be a simple fear of death.

Ralitsa · Post by **Ralitsa** » Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:53 am

very depressing, and yet something sort of like it happened with my grandparents. Fortunately for us it wasn't nearly that bad, and really all the kids (my uncles and aunts) are basically decent so it wasn't anywhere like that ugly.
It just makes me really glad that I will be broke and die a pauper, with nothing for anyone to argue about when I'm dead, except who gets stuck with the bill

Ironically, the parents most often have worked and slaved and scrimped and saved to leave a little bit to kids like this, very depressing.

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Aug 30, 2011 12:36 pm

Yes, family can, at times, show their worst after a parent has passed.

One reason my mother changed her will to make me the executor.

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:28 pm

Where there's a will - there's a family argument.

I have a customer who died five years ago, the family are still arguing over the will, and I'm still looking after the garden even though no one has lived in the house for over five years. They are now going back to court for the second time, and totally ignoring his stated wishes for his estate.

Ralitsa · Post by **Ralitsa** » Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:15 pm

going back to court again after 5 years....... they should read Bleak House

Michelle Miller · Post by **Michelle Miller** » Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:11 pm

Ralitsa wrote:It just makes me really glad that I will be broke and die a pauper, with nothing for anyone to argue about when I'm dead, except who gets stuck with the bill

Girl, that's the boat I'm in. There can't be all that much fighting over the buck eighty five left in the bank account when the ride's over here.

But I guarantee, knowing my family, there will be... lol

Leeza · Post by **Leeza** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:48 pm

My grandmorhter's will said that my uncle could live in the house for as long as he wanted then everything was to be sold and the proceeds split evenly amoung her kids. If the child was dead then that childs portion was to be split evenly among their offspring.

After my grandmother passed one of the daughters of one of the deceased aunts came down to visit and loaded up everything she could in her car and was going after a truck to get more.

She got caught and the stuff returned, but she was disowned by the rest of the family.

After my Dad died my sister and my wife went through and decided on the household stuff while my brother in law and I devided up the tools and other stuff.

I didn't realize till years later that my sister thought I got a lot more than she did because I got the car. What her husband didn't tell her was that I also got about 2 years of payments. Things were a lot better when she realized that.

Leeza

Post by **DonnaT** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 4:00 pm

When my granddad died, my grandmother had already passed long before. One of her sisters went in and got all the antique chairs. My dad was supposed to get everything, since he was an only child.

Several years ago, while visiting an aunt, she was showing us some antique furniture she bought and asked if we recognized it. She thought they were my granddads. I told her they weren't, but looked over in another part of the room and told her those were the ones that had been taken.

We never did get them back.

Stephanie H · Post by **Stephanie H** » Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:25 pm

Life and death hold not truth.
I have told my children that I will be leaving the same way I came in.
Naked and broke to ensure there are no issues.