Things I still can't do. Bereavement.

[Michelle Diane]

It's been over a year since my wife passed away and most of her things are gone either donated or given to friends. But there's two things I still can bring myself to do anything with. Her laptop is still here it still has her to do list for the house, a folder of new jewellery designs she was going to make, a half finished e-jigsaw puzzle and a list of shops in town including Lane Bryant, she has a note besides the address "get some new outfits for Michelle..and some decent bras!"

The second one is her purse. It's remained in a drawer untouched since that night. A lovely Very Bradley shoulder purse. It would look killer with some of my clothes but no it stays put.

Sounds funny but every time I go to do something with them it feels like I'm closing the door on her.

Are there things you put off when you lost a loved one? or is it me just being stupid?

[DonnaT]

Think about carrying her with you when (if) you decide to carry her purse.

[Diana Michelle]

Having been through it twice I can sympathize with you Michelle, it is not easy to part with the past. Eventually you will get rid of some things and some you never do. I still have an old Corvette that was a birthday present I gave my first husband as well as his watch and wedding ring. It has been 20 years since my first husband passed and I still can't bring myself to get rid of those things. There is no right or wrong here just what feels right to you. If having them brings you comfort don't let anyone ever tell you differently.

[Noeleena]

Hi.

what ever family things you now have to do with as you please is not a matter of don't touch its a matter of use them wear them or carry them in Austraila my friend.s mother passed on 1 1/2 years ago and I went through them and now have too very large bags full enough out fits to last me at least 2 months with out wearing the same out fit .

Amander cant wear them and her Mom would have allowed me to have them any way and did give me some long befoer she passed on so when over I wear them even some shoes fit very well .
i still have things my Mom left me not clothes just other items when i go our Kaylyn and her Dejarn will know what to do with all my clothes and so on and some bulding tools the other tools work related Cliff and Nathan know what to do with those our family is okay and i wont them to use wear or what ever as they wish to use is for them i dont wont it not to be used the day i go its over to them .

daughter and two sons ,and grandchild who i have talked lot,s about Dejarn.


...noeleena...

[Requal Jo]

Michelle, we all grieve in different ways and for different periods. Every day a little gesture or comment by someone will bring back memories of your lovely wife. This goes on for ever.

What big or little things you have, that bring back the memories, you will keep and cherish until you make the decision to pass them on to another worthy person you trust to carry on those memories.

[Amanda R]

Losing a loved one is always tough and the bereavement period is different for each one. some never truly get over the loss. It is not surprising you have not doing anything with her purse for a purse is a very personal thing to women and you understand that. There is no harm in keeping the things you most closely associate with her. Everyone grieves differently and this is your way of doing it. Perhaps someday you will claim the purse as you own or maybe you will just keep it as it is. It is all in what feels tight to you.

[Bernice]

Are there things you put off when you lost a loved one? or is it me just being stupid?

There is nothing stupid about bereavement. My mother passed away in 2008, and I still have 1 1/2 offsite storage units full of stuff from her house. It's costing me a fortune, i.e. if I'd get rid of it all, I could fund this forum all by myself.

It's not as though I haven't tried. Some of it surely has marketable value, but mom forbid me to have a garage sale. I had an experienced seller lined up to sell it off piecemeal online, but then he developed depression and began failing his classes, so that was a false start. 4/5 of the year it is too hot or too cold to even go over there and try to work on it. Seriously, I fear a lot of it will end up in the dumpster if only because I don't own a truck.

Hugs,

Bernice