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A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his[/her] fellow [people].
-- Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, 1949, p. 30.

[W]e have not even to risk the adventure alone, for the heroes of all time have gone before us. The labyrinth is thoroughly known. We have only to follow the thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god. And where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves. Where we had thought to travel outward, we will come to the center of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with all the world.
-- Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth, 1988, p. 123.

Hi all,

This will be a long post--go grab a coffee, if you plan to stay with me a while. I won't apologize for the length of my musings, here, though. This is stuff that's central to my own life and to how I give meaning to what happens to me in the world. I've been reading stuff my sisters have written, here, on the forum, for the past ten months or so, and it's stirred a lot of things up in my soul. I want to share now some of these things. And, please, know that I won't feel slighted in the least if you're not interested or if you have no clue how to respond to this. I'm okay with that.

First, a preamble. From 1993 to 1996, while I was in my early 30's, I took up Religious Studies on a full-time basis at both Concordia and McGill universities, here in Montreal. I did this out of personal interest. I have no desire to become a priest or a cleric of any ilk; Religious Studies have to do with the social-scientific comparison of the world's faiths. My own specialization was in Asian Traditions--Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, and their relationship to Western culture--with a Minor in Western Philosophy. I say all this not to flaunt my credentials (I have none; I was one semester short of graduation when I abandoned my studies) but to let you see what drives me, what fires me up. This is what fires me up: to know, to understand, to seek. Why? Two reasons, mainly. The first goes back to my childhood. My father would often tell my brother and me that the one thing that distinguishes human beings from most of the other inhabitants on this planet is our ability to think and to reason (he was careful to point out that this was not always to our advantage, but that it was nevertheless our distinguishing feature--no fan of speciesism, he). Also, he would regularly encourage us to go find a tree somewhere in the park, sit underneath it, and, pad and pencil in hand, write down our thoughts as we took stock of our lives. Who did we think we were? Who were we, really? What did we most/least like about ourselves and why? What did we think/hope the world had to offer us? or we to offer the world? All this, as I was just entering my teenage years. The second reason "the quest to know" fires me up is stranger, by far. Almost seventeen years ago, to the day (early August, 1987), I had a life-changing religious experience that forever altered the way I related to the world. I will not go into details, here, but it had such an impact on me that, for weeks afterwards, I no longer knew who or where I was--even my friends no longer recognized me. Whatever name you give this kind of event (and it's certainly not unique), it has many consequences. My anger, my rage, my bitterness at being dumped in this heartless world vanished almost overnight. It opened me up more completely than I'd ever been before (after having temporarily shut me down, of course). Reality became crisp, sharp. I began noticing sounds and colours and smells I never even suspected existed before. The greatest watershed, though, was this: I wanted--hell! I needed--to know what had just happened to me. I felt, well, plucked out of the world and dropped into a greater reality. I started reading anything that had to do with the human mind, the human spirit, the human soul, the human heart of hearts. I didn't realize it at the time, but I'd been on a journey. A hero's journey. I am a hero. And so are each and every one of you.

I want to tell you about the hero's journey, so, if you'll bear with me, I'll be quoting from some of Joseph Campbell's works on the matter. This, to begin with:

The Hero's Journey

Campbell tells the common story of the hero. As Campbell outlines in The Hero with a Thousand Faces, the hero's journey consists of three parts - the departure, the initiation, and the return. Each of the stages are explained in the following section.

The Departure

The hero begins her journey in the everyday world surrounded by things familiar. It is the world common to her, her society -- a society that has nurtured and raised her. There comes a time, however, when the hero will leave her everyday world. A herald enters and brings to the hero a call to adventure. The hero may feel that she has outgrown the old ways, feeling restless, voluntarily enters the portal into another world. In myths this unknown place is represented as a dark forest, a kingdom underground, a mountain top, etc. Sometimes the unknown place into which the hero travels is literally a distant land.

Obviously, that "distant land" is also figurative, representing the depths of our own selves.

The hero may sometimes reluctantly, cautiously enter into the strange new world. The strange world is both a place of treasures and troubles. Sometimes the hero refuses the call altogether out of fear of the unknown. The troubles in the strange place, at this point for the hero, outweigh the treasures. Anxiety and uncertainty raise their ugly heads. The hero is fixated in the safe everyday world and is unwilling or perhaps unable to cut the umbilical cord that connects her to her mother-land. Not all who get the call heed it. "The usual person is more than content, he[/she] is even proud, to remain within the indicated bounds..."( p. 78 ).

Again, the depths of our own selves are, indeed, "a place of treasures and troubles," as we all know.

According to Campbell, now is the time that a supernatural aid, a mentor, visits the hero. The mentor helps the hero get past her fears. The mentor builds confidence and gives guidance. The mentor may be one who has been down the hero-path in the past and now offers wisdom from that experience. The mentor "provides the adventurer with amulets against the dragon forces he[/she] is about to pass"( 1949, p. 69 ). For example, in the modern-day myth, Star Wars, Obi-Wan Kenobi served as Luke Skywalker's mentor.

In my own case, and as a result of the experience I described above, I'm almost forced to acknowledge that, well, that the universe itself has become my mentor, in a way. Some would say "God." I have no qualms about that, even though I don't adhere to any of the faiths of men. The "amulets" I've been provided with? A sense of humour. A receptive attitude. An insatiable curiosity. A love of life. A desire to be true. All things that I sorely lacked in my life, up to that time.

Typically in myth, the mentor takes the hero only so far. The mentor provides the amulets, but then steps back to let the hero cross the first threshold on her own. The hero must face the unknown world on her own. At the "gates of metamorphosis" the adventurer meets the threshold guardians. The threshold guardians protect the passage and the hero must somehow step past the monsters to enter the alien world. "Beyond [the guardians] is darkness, the unknown, and danger; just as beyond the parental watch is danger to the infant and beyond the protection of his society danger to the member of the tribe" ( p. 77-78 ).

My own self was an "unknown world" to me; its guardians, my fear of what dark things I might discover within me, things I'd rather not know, things I'd rather not face, my "shadow." The "monsters" were never anything other than creatures of my own making whose sole purpose was to guarantee that I'd remain unaware of who I was and of who I could become. In other words, that I'd remain blisfully oblivious to the risky possibilities offered up by life itself as it tried to unfold within me.

The Initiation

"Beyond the threshold, then, the hero journeys through a world of unfamiliar yet strangely intimate forces, some of which severely threaten him[/her] (tests), some of which give magical aid (helpers)" ( p. 246 ). The hero now heads down the road of trials and faces many tests, but does not always face them alone. Helpers are found along the road that teach the stranger (the hero) the ways of the new world. Hercules did not have to face his 12 labors alone; Hermes and Athena served as his helpers with magical aid.

Without going into details, I'll just say that the late 80's and early 90's were an intensely creative time for me. I felt invincible and, well, "fated" to be happy because, just when I thought that things couldn't be going any worse in my life (it was a "road of trials" in more ways than one!), something happened or someone came along (it was, indeed, almost magical, the way this happened over and over again) that would either set things right or shock me into seeing that things were really not as bad as I was making them out to be. I was constantly reminded of the Footprints story, where the "hero" (who was walking on the beach with God and soon grew weary and tired) asks Him, upon seeing only one set of footprints in the sand behind them, why God had forsaken him in his moment of need, only to have God reply that it was precisely in those moments that He carried our hero--hence the single line of footprints were God's own. This is as good a way as any of describing how I felt the universe "carried" me during that time.

At the end of the road of trials is what Campbell calls the supreme ordeal. In myths the supreme ordeal comes in a few standard forms, but "intrinsically [the supreme ordeal] is an expansion of consciousness" for the hero ( p. 246 ). In some myths the supreme ordeal is symbolized as a sacred marriage of the hero to the goddess-mother, or as the hero finding atonement with the father-creator, or as the hero becoming god-like, or lastly simply as the hero taking a prize from the gods like Prometheus stealing fire.

For over a decade now, I've been making my peace with myself, with "the goddess-mother" (as she exists both within and around me), and with "the father-creator" (whom I see in both my own father as well as in the universe). Basically, peace with life itself. The "supreme ordeal," for me, has been to come to grips with the fact that I'm a crossdresser. Sounds pretty mundane in this context, but the untouchable ghosts of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-care had haunted me all my life because of my inability (or stubborn unwillingness) to "cross the first threshhold" so that I may eventually come face to face with this very supreme ordeal. Of course, I still struggle with this, now and then. But I do it now with a confident soul.

What is common to these four versions of the supreme ordeal is the transformation of consciousness for the hero. The hero gains enlightenment through her actions. She is transformed. She is initiated into a new realm. The initiation, however, is not easy.

The agony of breaking through personal limitations is the agony of spiritual growth.... finally, the mind breaks the bounding sphere of the cosmos to a realization transcending all experiences of form - all symbolization, all divinities: a realization of the ineluctable void. ( p. 190 )
The hero is born again.

She has gained the ultimate boon.

Oddly enough, it seems to have happened backwards, for me. I feel as though I was "handed" an ultimate boon (without being told that this was, indeed, what it was) and that I would have to figure out on my own the "why" of it all. I do recognize that all the trials and tribulations I'd gone through up until the age of 26 (the suicide attempts, the chronic depression, the debilitating migraines, the constant rage and self-loathing, etc.) certainly had their part to play in my "conversion" experience, an experience that came at a moment in my life when I knew, I just knew, that I'd hit the absolute bottom of the barrel. I faced the "ineluctable void" that was both my own self as well as the heart of life itself. It was a tremendous liberation for me when I saw as never before that there really is no meaning to existence other than the one(s) we, ourselves, inject into it. At age 43, I'm still open to several possible meanings I can tease out of my own life and out of my own being, so that I may, in full consciousness, re-inject it into my existence. I can only do this if I allow myself to, in Campbell's own words, "follow my bliss."

The Return

Now with the boon in hand (or in mind), the hero contemplates the return. The hero begins "the labor of bringing the runes of wisdom, the Golden Fleece, or his sleeping princess, back into the kingdom of humanity, where the boon may rebound to the renewing of the community, the nation, the planet, or the ten thousand worlds" ( p. 193 ). The return is a challenge. Why return? The hero could refuse the return. "For the bliss of the deep abode is not lightly abandoned in favor of the self-scattering of the wakened state" ( p. 207 ). Her new found world is far more attractive than the old. And if she does return, what then? What good would her return have? Who would listen to her stories and share of her boon? "Even the Buddha, after his triumph, doubted whether the message of the realization could be communicated..."( p. 193 ).

Why attempt to make plausible, or even interesting, to men and women consumed with passion, the experience of transcendental bliss? As dreams that were momentous by night may seem simply silly in the light of day, so the poet and the prophet can discover themselves playing the idiot before a jury of sober eyes. The easy thing is to commit the whole community to the devil and retire again into the heavenly rock-dwelling, close the door, and make it fast" ( p. 218 ).

Difficult as it is, however, the hero must return to complete the cycle. Even if she does not want to return, her old world calls her home.

As the hero crosses the return threshold, returning from the "yonder zone" she eventually comes to the realization that

the two kingdoms are actually one. The realm of the gods is a forgotten dimension of the world we know... The values and distinctions that in normal life seem important disappear with the terrifying assimilation of the self into what formerly was only otherness. ( p. 217 )

She comes to understand that home is not a place.

The hero's task now is to share her enlightenment. But how

render back into light-world language the speech-defying pronouncements of the dark? How represent on a two-dimensional surface a three-dimensional form...? How translate into terms of "yes" and "no" revelations that shatter into meaninglessness every attempt to define the pairs of opposites? How communicate to people who insist on the exclusive evidence of their senses the message of the all-generating void? ( p. 218 )

For the longest time, I refused to return. I came back to Montreal in 1990 and went about making myself completely sick by overworking, by losing myself in a world of money, material possessions, and kinky sex, in a forced bid to test the reality of what had gone on in my life over the previous couple of years. Through it all, I felt utterly detached from the world around me. This wasn't working. Nobody understood what had happened to me. I decided to go to university. Although people there did understand, they only understood with their brains, not with their hearts, nor with their souls. Or so it seemed to me. I gave up and headed back out west, in an attempt to recapture the bliss I'd touched (or that I'd been touched by) there. This was in 1997. I ended up severing all ties with society. I destroyed all my ID cards (and I mean all of them!), went hitchhiking and roughing it in the wilds for a while. Basically, I was homeless (and blessedly "identityless") as well as more "at home in the world" than I'd ever been. Although I managed to wander once more into that "greater reality" on a daily basis, I felt that something was lacking, oddly enough.

Crossing the return threshold is also not an easy task. Sometimes the hero returns and her world does not want what she brings. Her old community finds it difficult to use what she brought back, "it doesn't know how to receive it" ( 1988, p. 141 ). Apart from difficulties of the hero sharing her boon with her world, she also must come to grips with being a transfigured being in a world that is not. She walks in both worlds. "Freedom to pass back and forth across the world division ... [and] not contaminating the principles of the one with those of the other, yet permitting the mind to know the one by virtue of the other-- is the talent of the master." ( p. 229 ).

She is a master of two worlds.

I came back, I "crossed the return threshhold" the moment I understood that everything the universe had shown me is also present in each and every human being, in each and every living thing, in each and every pebble, cloud, and mountain, and that I could never--however much I may think or believe I need to--be apart from that ever again.

Okay, if you've read so far, well, great! Your patience is admirable. The reason I wanted to tell these things is that Elizabeth's "four creases" post triggered something in me, and all this mythological "journey" material came crowding to the front of my brain. I've been watching Elizabeth (as well as many of you, here) struggle with her own becoming, as we all must, some day. The way she's dealing with her own "trials and tribulations" has got me rooting for her to "break on through to the other side." And her journey, though it differs in the details, is repeated in the life and being of each and every single one of my sisters, here. In Kersten Lee's. In Darlene's. In Deborah's. In Rebecca's. In my own. In fact, it's a universal journey, applicable to all human beings, everywhere. It's the hero's journey. And we can all become "masters of two worlds," if only we could let go of our fear of the "guardians of the first threshhold."

Walk on, girls, walk on. Follow your bliss.

Love,
CJ

P.S.
The material quoted in this post (everything in red type) was taken from this site: http://www.interculturalrelations.com/v ... 99hart.htm

CJ wrote:A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his[/her] fellow [people].
-- Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, 1949, p. 30.

CJ, this quote is just like summing up what it's been like since I found this place.

My victory was won with your fabulous faces, and this gave me the strength and power to help my fellow people in bringing my Mum and Sister together!

Wowww... you always seem to post thought provoking posts CJ, I think like me you are a deep thinking person. And as for Elizabeth, I too am enjoying her journey, and everyone elses! It is wonderful to see everyone on here just seemingly being set free and ultimately I hope losing the fear of the "guardians of the first threshhold."

Once we all lose this fear I think we will truly be set free and can be totally at one with ourselfs like never before. I do hope that we all can give each other the strength to not care about what others think and just be ourselves, cos I just keep thinking why shouldn't we be allowed to do what we want and why should we have to worry what others think. I am more and more with each day thinking that what matters most is not what others think and feel but what I think and feel and this topic seems to have the same kind of message.

*hugs* lovly post CJ!

Sophie xx

Tnx CJ ... Fascinating !
...Extra Reading for the class >>
..."The Alchemist"
Paulo Coelho

Hs / Marda

Marda wrote:...Extra Reading for the class >>
..."The Alchemist"
Paulo Coelho

Yes misss! lol

Sophie xx

CJ,

First let me say that I did not start reading this until 11:15 at night, and as soon as you said "get yourself a cup of coffee" I immediately wanted a cup, and had to go make some, decaf of course.

WOW!!!

I got the goose bumps three different times. It would seem our lives in many ways have been similar. I became a Master Electrician by getting the books and teaching myself. I was running the 4th largest Electrical contractor in Wyoming by age 30, and at age 33 incorportated my own company. I too went in search of wealth, recognition, pornography, kinky sex, marijauna, good food and good drink. Only to feel empty still on the inside. I continually thought about suicide, and hated myself. In my late teens and early 20's I played in a rock band, made enough money to stay on the road. Did not watch tv, listen to the radio, or read a newspaper for almost 3 years. This was my creative time, where I wrote music and thought things I never thought before.

I too finally worked until I could not, fibromyalgia, stress, and unhappiness weakened me until I could no longer support even myself, much less my family.

The rest, well you all have seen it. I guess they call it rock bottom. There is no where to go but "back to the kingdom".

I would like to share something with you that I wrote almost 6 years ago during one of my most unhappy times. You may read this and say to yourself "she knew what to do, why could she not do it?" I am not sure I have that answer. Perhaps CJ or someone else does.

Here it is, in it's entirety as written sometime in 1998, with the exception that I changed how it was paragraphed to make it easier to read. I will also will not apologize for failing to be brief, however I did want you to see it all.

Elizabeth wrote:

My Philosophy

For many many years I have guided my life by a set of rules that are self
imposed. These rules came to me through rational thought. While not being even slightly religious, I have found that it is important not to lie, not to steal, not to take actions that bring harm to others, unless that action is
necessary for the preservation of myself or my wife and children.

I have always felt a distinct presence of good and evil. I always disliked the feelings I got from bad deeds. I would get a rush of adreniline and it would be hard to breathe. I could not lie because I literally could not get the words out. My voice would quiver, I would start sweating profusely, and it made me feel bad in general. I did not understand how lying came so easy to others. What I found was that being unwilling to do these things made me unpopular.

I made a very concious decision, at a young age, ten, not to do what others wanted me to do, so they would like me. I decided that anyone who was going to be my friend was going to have to accept me just as I was. There were not many takers. I generally played with kids who had no friends because of poverty or being outsiders because they were new to the area.

I don't remember being terribly troubled by all this at the time. I ended up playing alone a great deal of the time. This allowed me to think, and I found that I could find solutions to my difficulties with thought.

I became a "contemplator". I would think about upcoming events, and
every possible scenario that I could think of, and what I would do if each
happened. This would lead me to lying awake at nights not being able to shut my mind off. Having thought of almost every possible situation I might be in, and what I would do for each, allowed me to become a good decision maker.

As my life went on I found that the truth was my friend. It meant less to
remember. You never have to remember the truth like you do a lie. I found that people continually lied about everything, and they could be easily defeated with facts and reasoning.

I was given names that were supposed to humiliate me, and end this behavior. I was called "Mr. Science" and "Nope Rudy" and "Univac". But I was not deterred by this. I already had several experiences in my life that showed me that it was not only possible for everyone to be wrong about something, it was likely.

It was likely because of a culture that has an "Emperor's New Clothes"
mentality. It was forbidden to challenge the way things were, even if they
were wrong. The only problem was it made me feel worse to do something I knew was wrong or illogical, than to be ostrasized for failing to comply.

I beleive it was because at an early age I had a strong belief that no one was looking out for my interests. Quite the contrary, I had been repeatedly used to further the interests of others, at my expense. Eventually, most of my own brothers and sisters would one by one cease to have contact with me because I would not comply with thier wishes any longer, and there only recourse was to "not like me".

Not having friends gives you a lot of time to think. And the more I
thought, the more I realized that the only way to get happiness in life was
to just be happy. It is all just a big illusion. you are told what is supposed to make you happy and what is not, and to conform your behavior in such
a way as to get the things that make you happy.

By age 21 I had already developed my "It's just life" philosophy. This was simple, it said that nothing really ever happens in your life, that time just passes. This means that no moment is any more precious than any other moment. The best you can do is to be happy right this minute.

This took huge pressures off of me to be what others expected of me. I started making it clear to others that I would start doing whatever makes me happy at any particular moment, and it was likely that I would put my interests above theirs. This led to a new decision making process. This process clearly made my life happy for the first time, or so I thought.

I did have some flaws in my theory. I did not understand compassion,
having not experienced it myself. As a result, I was not compassionate. I had to learn how to love others, a concept I had dismissed as being about as likely as a screen door on a submarine.

However I learned that compassion and love both caused me to have very good feelings, and seemed very natural to me, and my way of thinking. It was like a missing peice of the puzzle. It required no action on anyone elses part. I could love people, and be compassionate, and have total control over these things to the extent that is possible.

Mostly, it did not require anyone elses input, or actions. It was a lesson I learned from watching my wife. She and my children taught me that
all true love, is uncondional. Love with conditions is not love at all, it is
manipulation. You will never hear me say "If you love me you would
_________".

I found that sharing of knowledge was the easiest way for me to connect
with other people in a positive way. I found that my ideas were well recieved by people, and caused them to think of things I had not, and to share that with me. For reasons that are unclear to me, learning makes me happy.

In my mind, I conduct myself in a manner consistant with what I find
pleasing. This is the only way to be truely happy I beleive. The culture of
the Western and Middle Eastern religions is one of guilt and shame and
avoidance of what makes one happy, while simultaniously trying to convince oneself that you will be rewarded in some unknown afterlife experience in a way that can not be described. You are then forgiven for wanting to make yourself happy, and there is supposed to be some joy in this.

In my truth, it is ruling by fear. I beleive that no man is better or worse than me. His experience is his own. I can choose every day to have a happy day or to not have a happy day. It does not depend on the words of another man or the actions of another man. It is how I choose to embrace that day. As long as I choose to embrace each day in a way to fulfill myself, I can choose to have a happy day. Have a bunch of happy days, and you have a happy life.

Negativity is the enemy. It is all around. It is rarely a good thing. Negativity is a trick, an illusion. It is pretending to have a good day by
pointing out that someone or something has the appearance of not being up to the acceptable social standard or a standard as good as your own.

However, not understanding a person's perception of thier own situation, makes it impossible to know if thier situation is good or bad, in thier own mind. Which after all is the only place that counts.

Inside of our own mind, we know these are covers of self doubt about our own situation, and pointing out faults of others or thier circumstance, clearly is intended to raise ones status among the peer group. However in reality, it has nothing to do with enhancing ones own happiness level.

I have found, that you can find the good in people, and in situations and point them out as easily as the negative, and sometimes easier. To find the things you like in others, is to be inspired to be those things you admire, hence opening up the opportunity to enhance ones own happiness, something that never happens when negative
thinking occurs. In my opinion.

One can not feel someone loving them or hating them. We can see and hear clues. We can listen as someone tells us they love us or hate us. However, absent thier presence, we have no way to "feel" this. What we do feel is our feelings of love and hate towards others.

So to be as happy as we can, it makes sense that the more people we love, and the least people we have negative feelings for, gives us our maximum chance to acheive personal happiness. Basically our lives can be guaged not by how many love us, but by how many we love.

There will always be those who have negative feelings for us, that is their burdon, not our own. And while they will try to make it our burdon, by telling us all the things we could do so they would not have negative feelings for us, the truth is they choose to have negative feelings.

It is unlikely that complying with the demands others place on us will lead to positive feelings, but rather to more demands. I firmly beleive that it is not possible to achieve happiness while giving into the demands of others so they will "like you".

This does not mean that one should not do for his fellow man. In fact I
have found it to be a very positive experience, and one that brings me great joy, when I am able to truly help another individual in some way. Whether it is to listen to them, to feed them, to teach them, or just to be with them.

In a way, it is them giving to me, since I can achieve these feelings really
no other way. All in all it is the realization that we are all here for reasons that are not clear to us. We can choose how to live our lives, we do
not have to be compelled by the words of those who preceded us.

We all have within us the ability to answer the wants and needs of ourselves, without harming others. This is the endeavor I have chosen.

So you may be asking yourself, "if she knew all that 6 years ago, why is it that she still did not 'get it'?"

Joseph Cambell wrote:

Now with the boon in hand (or in mind), the hero contemplates the return. The hero begins "the labor of bringing the runes of wisdom, the Golden Fleece, or his sleeping princess, back into the kingdom of humanity, where the boon may rebound to the renewing of the community, the nation, the planet, or the ten thousand worlds" ( p. 193 ). The return is a challenge. Why return? The hero could refuse the return. "For the bliss of the deep abode is not lightly abandoned in favor of the self-scattering of the wakened state" ( p. 207 ). Her new found world is far more attractive than the old. And if she does return, what then? What good would her return have? Who would listen to her stories and share of her boon? "Even the Buddha, after his triumph, doubted whether the message of the realization could be communicated..."( p. 193 ). [/b]

I think the answer is no one was interested, so I became full of self doubt. Truely I am looking for some imput on this. I read as CJ mentioned watching me "become", however from my perspective it feels like I am just falling down a black hole where I have been assured that there is an air bag at the bottom to catch me, but I don't know how long I am going to fall, and I must beleive that everything is going to be ok. But it is frightening.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Hi all,

Wow! Great replies, all. I'm glad you enjoyed the topic.

Elizabeth,

I have a theory. I've been thinking on these things for a long time now, and it seems to me that our "return" (when we come to believe we have a boon, an ultimate boon, we can share with our community) is, in reality, just another, higher, stage in "the road of trials." That you feel you're falling down a black hole, Elizabeth, is perhaps just a sign that neither you nor anyone else ever ceases to "become." Every single one of your struggles only adds to your store of experience. In doing so, you gain a deeper, much more profound sense of what it means not only to be human, but to be a human person.

It could be that the "ultimate ordeal" is precisely that--ultimate, as in, final. Our ultimate ordeal is to struggle with the realization and with the acceptance of our own finitude, our own mortality. To face, while we still live, the fact that we will die one day. Oh, to be sure, we all know that we will die one day. But it's often an intellectual knowledge--not something we can embrace in our heart of hearts. We want to live. We want to continue to live. We concoct ways to allow ourselves to believe we'll live forever, even. In other words, we shy away from the ultimate ordeal.

Having said all this, I'll be quick to point out that this is the meaning I've chosen to give my own life. As I've tried (not very successfully, I'll admit) to point out elsewhere on the forum, I'm fully aware and fully accepting of the fact that each and every one of us here not only can give her own life the meaning of her own choosing, but, as an individual, has a duty to do so. We have a duty to be and to become (and, if that means occasionally falling into traps and pitfalls, then so be it); without this becoming, not a one of us stands a chance to "return with a boon."

I loved your text, Elizabeth. Words to live by. I very much recognize myself in them. Compassionate love is one of those logic- and physics-defying "things," in that, the more you give of it, the more you'll have of it to give. And, please, if you ever feel that your stock of compassion (both for others as well as for yourself) has dried up, don't despair; it's an illusion that sometimes occurs when you're too close to your own difficulties. Hindsight will make you see that this is true.

Always, follow your bliss.

Marda,

Supplemental class readings duly noted! Actually, though I've heard much about it, I've yet to read The Alchemist. I will. Thanks.

Sophie,

That you're here, with us (and with yourself, too), I take to mean that you've already undertaken to confront the "guardians of the threshhold." When, as a reply to your disappointment in yourself at not having been able to go shopping with your mum, I told you that you should rest easy, that you have your whole life ahead of you, I meant just that. At your age, the road to yourself stretches out before you (hell! it still does so for me, even at my age!). The very thought gives me goose bumps. Take the time to enjoy your surroundings; the destination will loom on the horizon soon enough, girl! I don't remember who--Alexandra, I think it was--but someone here once said that we all hold in our hands a one-way train ticket to the boneyard. Well, we do--the joy we can get out of our lives comes from noticing the beauty of the scenery and from sharing a sense of community with our fellow passengers. And there's no rush, Sophie--this is a slow train. Enjoy the ride.

Love,
CJ

Awesome! ladies, absolutely awesome! If I may add my 1 cent worth! I think I understand CJ's post - a three phase journey. Please no offense intended to any of my sisters here, but I can recognize, based on Cj's post that some of us are in the first phase and probably will remain there. Others are in the second phase - some will return with "the knowledge" others will return with out it and yet others will choose to remain in the second pahse and not return at all. Those that do return, well they will either have learned or not. Some will share and do great things others will not. Even in difference to my sister Marda's statement that Carl Jung's assessment of Crossdressing is "incomplete" yes it is, but his premise is, although not as exempliary as CJ's, none the less reaches somewhat the same conclusion. There are stages, some proceed from one to the other some do not . Some reach a stage and either can't or don't want to proceed to the next and others take the entire journey. What they do when they emerge from that will depend entirely on that individual! I guess my question is for those that emerge from this "Magical Mystery Tour" do "we"/"they" have a responsibilty to their sisters who are "struggling" at various stages, ie. Elizabeth, Gelinda, Kersten. What are our responsibilities? If we extend a helping hand to the sister, perhaps we were not suppose to and we put her in jeopardy by "forcing" her to go somewhere where she may not be ready to go or just was not meant to go at all.
I swear "we" are confirming my theory that we may be the next step in Human evolution - granted the very early stages and we are just beginning to understand our individual "gift." We must be very careful in how we apply this -not to society in general - God knows they need all the help they can get, but how we impose this new ability on our sisters who may not be able to or ready to handle it!
Small steps my sisters, small steps!!
God I love you all!
Deborah
PS I am so hesitant about hitting the "submit" button - but here goes!

Hi all,

Deborah,

Great post! Thanks. Girl, if you're ever hesitant about hitting the "submit" button here, how much more hesitant will you be in hitting it in the "real" world? I understand your reluctance, though. These are complicated matters, deep issues, and there's always a twinge of anxiety that someone will misunderstand or misinterpret what we're trying to say. But this is precisely why there's a "post reply" button!

As Darlene sometimes points out, "helping" is a path fraught with peril. Who am I to think someone needs my help? They may not want it. What makes me think I have anything intelligent to offer a given person? I don't know her, really. There's a possibility I may do more harm than good. This has actually happened here, on the forum, where, after trying to be as helpful and as compassionate as I could, a sister told me that she would've been better off having never met me--this is a point at which we all must come, this understanding of our own limits. Here, we have to clearly see what "belongs" to us and what "belongs" to someone else. Beyond this point, nothing we can offer will be helpful.

I base what I say and do, here, on the forum, on two things: one, I assume the people that come here are actually looking for support and community, and, two, I won't venture an opinion on deep issues to my more fragile or inexperienced sisters unless they specifically ask for one. Mostly, I just take pleasure in watching ourselves grow as individuals. Is there ever anything else that can be as helpful, really?

Again, Deborah, thanks for hitting the "submit" button! Oh, and by the way, the mug is on its way!

Love,

CJ

Morning All

Wonderful posts!! Thank you.

I have been on my spritual journey for many, many years now. It is indeed an ongoing process. Reading these post has helped me gain a better understanding of the path I walk.

Thanks again and blessed be my friends

*Hugs & Love*

Deborah,

Thanks for hitting that post button. However I don't think we choose to help others, I think they choose to help themseves. Advice is just telling someone what you would do in a similar circumstance. They still must choose thier own course of action.

Likewise, if someone fails to take your advice and things go sour? Are you also at fault? For not having convinced them.

Deborah wrote:

I guess my question is for those that emerge from this "Magical Mystery Tour" do "we"/"they" have a responsibilty to their sisters who are "struggling" at various stages, ie. Elizabeth, Gelinda, Kersten. What are our responsibilities? If we extend a helping hand to the sister, perhaps we were not suppose to and we put her in jeopardy by "forcing" her to go somewhere where she may not be ready to go or just was not meant to go at all.

It is my beleif that your only responsibility is to yourself. If you feel a need to help others by sharing your insights into this "Magial Mystery Tour", that responsibilityy is to yourself, not to those who may read your words.

What they do with those words is no more in your control than anything anyone does, in my opinion.

To me, just your presence here is helping others. When I first got here you
welcomed me

Deborah wrote:

Hi Elizabeth,
Welcome to our forum! Your sisters here look forward to hearing from Elizabeth and we hope you treat her with the love and rspect that her names implies!
Love ya,
Deborah

Those few words made me feel great. I was very apprehensive about even being here, much less using a girls nickname. I was filled with all the propaganda that society had put on me about myself and other crossdressers. Were we all just a bunch of perverts?

But those few carefully chosen words, taken from your life experience made me feel great. You lifted my selfesteem just by telling me the nick I chose implied love and respect.

Those words might have been the difference between me staying or moving on. But because you put them out there, for me to decide what to do with them, how to take them and use them? I was able to.

Please, keep being that lovely beautiful person you are, and feel free to share your experience, wisdom and insights. Others may find value where you don't.

I know you are a firm beleiver in "small steps", but for me sometimes I have to run at the door beleiving it is going to open for me, and I am always surprised when it does not. But it never keeps me from doing it again, because I just can't feel alive if I don't beleive something good is going to happen to me.

I think of all those Sunday mornings when there were only 3 channels on the TV and I was forced to watch Oral Roberts because there was nothing else on, did impact me. It seems his message did get through to me because I still live by it today. "Something good is going to happen to you today"

As a kid I did not understand it, but as an adult I realized that good things happen to us all the time, we just do not stop and take notice of it. I think that was his message.

It seems everytime I come here, something good happens to me. Deborah, I do love you. You are a very caring loving person and I can see your compassion come shining through with what you share with us here. And if no one else ever gets one thing out of your posts? Know this. Just reading them and knowing someone took the time to write it just so I could read it, makes me feel less alone.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Hi girls,

I have been so busy all week and knowing there is some pretty cool stuff going down here. WOW, what can I say. CJ, Elizabeth, Deborah, incredible posts. Marda, Sophie, Jassmine, ain't this just grand !

This forum (for me at least) just keeps on getting better and better, we are in the territory that has haunted me forever, it's unravelling, the path becoming clear. These posts help me so much, things that I had learned to lock away because as Elizabeth said, you get ridiculed if you be yourself, are written on this forum in black and cream. If this forum is helping me, it will also be helping many other people.

I sometimes hope that non CD's read these posts too, partly as it helps dispell myths, but also as so much applies to all human beings. Maybe there is something in what Deborah is saying about the future of us all ?

I also hesitste with the submit button (every time actually) though I am getting faster which is a good sign.

I think I am at an early stage of this development on account of my past being muddled. As it unravels I am seeing a path, I am still packing my bags.

Thankyou girls

Now, let's see how fast I can hit that button

Hang on.......I haven't signed it

Love
Rebecca xxx

Thank you CJ and Elizabeth for your posts. This comes at a time when I, again, face the threshold of the unknown and am summoning the strength to step across.

I have faced this threshold many times on my journey. One would think that it would get easier each time but, for me, it doesn't seem so.

My perception is a bit different from Campbell's. Each time I cross one of these thresholds, I enter into a different view of reality within the same world. The surroundings are the same but the perspective has changed. While I may return to the same surroundings there is no returning to where I was before. I must learn to cope with this new perspective or stand, cowering, within the threshold forever.

Somehow I have managed to find my way but each door leads to another and the journey continues. As CJ said, we never stop "becomming".

Over the course of my travels I have learned that to light the "black hole" as Elizabeth called it, I need only look within and find that light that shines within each of us.

It matters not what you call it. Some call it God, Dr. Wayne Dyer calls it "Intention", in Star Wars it was called "the Force". All that matters is that you know that the strength lies within you to be and to do whatever it is that makes who you are.

Hi all,

Kathy,

You wrote: It matters not what you call it. Some call it God, Dr. Wayne Dyer calls it "Intention", in Star Wars it was called "the Force". All that matters is that you know that the strength lies within you to be and to do whatever it is that makes who you are.

Yes, absolutely! I would also add that our knowing this goes a long way to helping us actually draw from that very strength.

Love,
CJ

May SHE Bless us! everyone!
Deborah

Hi all,

This is probably one of the most interesting threads as yet, thank you for initiating it CJ. I first read it shortly after you posted it, but there was so much there that I waited thinking about it, before responding.

When I hit bottom I was at the point of revenge followed by suicide. It was to be that or what ever else if there was anything had to work.

The fact that I am here is testimony that what I chose has worked "for me". As a result I have been afraid to entertain anything else.

In my opinion what ever it is that one chooses, is not much good if one can not eventually put it out in a form that others can benefit from your experience. Which some of you are able to do here. I think that needs to be a by-product.

At this point I need to let you know that I love this place. Because it is one of the few places where one can get into issues that the majority of the rest of society is unable to become a participant. You simply can not get to first base with many of them because they have never had to think about the things we have had to deal with.

I do not have a problem hitting the submit button, although I usually spend a lot of time composing my posts until I am satisfied that I have done the best that I can. One of the things I have learned is that if one is to be helped by another's information it needs to be given in a way that will allow that person to feel safe.

There are 600 plus members here, and who knows how many others view what we write, that we will never know about, So one of the things I will sometimes do is take the liberty to come on a bit Strong with those who I believe are more stable people. Because those who are reading what has been written, can feel safe when it is directed at someone else, and may benefit from it.

I want you to know I have done that with you CJ. and as a result have probably come across as sand paper. I think you deserve to know that. In a sense I have used you, trying to help others. I hope you can see that if I had not respected you, I would not have done that, and I hope I did not go to far.

As Jassmine has stated; Reading these posts has helped me gain a better understanding of the path I walk,

Has also been my experience.

Now to find that submit button.