First off, I want to apologize to each and every single person on this board. No level of “stress” or “hardship” warrants my recent behavior, and I am not proud of the things that I said.
I also want to assure everyone that I have absolutely no intention of bringing harm either to myself or to anyone around me.
But I think it’s obvious that I am still a danger to this forum. I have made many of you uncomfortable and I don’t want to do that. I think we can all agree that this board has seen enough drama as it is during its existence. You all have the right to a positive experience when you come to this forum. I don’t want to destroy that.
It’s no secret what kind of a year this has been for me. One of my personal WORST. In all honesty I would have had less tragedy if I sat on my duff all year with my thumb up there, not doing a single thing. I don’t regret having the initiative to take some action in my life. I only say that because I have been surrounded by DANGER for longer than I care to remember.
But it’s time for me to be a MAN – that’s right, I said it – I have to be a MAN. I have to own up to my wrongs, and I have to face every single one of my battles head on. No more childish ranting using bold fonts & making empty threats like some 8 year old crying for attention. I have to be an adult. Some people are forced into lives that they never intended for themselves. This is the hand which I have been dealt, and I just have to accept it.
I would love to have your forgiveness, but I don’t expect it. I know that it’s too late for that in the eyes of many of you. I understand. I acted the fool, alienated most of you, and I now have to live with the consequences of many shattered friendships. At this point there is little I can do to fix the irreparable damage I have caused – mostly to myself.
I’ve been locked up in jail while dressed and severely humiliated in front of my family. I’ve had hundreds of dollars of clothing thrown away (against my will) I’ve spent the better part of this entire year out of work. I have feared for my nephew’s life when he had his brain annuyerism. I have repeatedly scraped in order to make the rent. I’ve gone for days without food in my refrigerator, without electricity, or a telephone, and have repeatedly come close to eviction simply because I could not keep up with the bills. I have had more family burdens than one should ever allow. But I kept coming back. Even after an emotional ranting here & there I still eventually stood back up on my feet.
It all just seems so much harder now because the very thing that has caused me to stand up after every tragedy or setback – is now being ripped away from me. There just isn’t room for Lorna in my life anymore.
And it hurts. It really hurts. It hurts so much to see the only thing that has brought me any joy in the past 6 years of my life come to an end. It especially hurts since I was really hoping to head in the opposite direction. It just really hurts. In 32 years I don’t think I have ever known any greater pain. I feel like I’m mourning the untimely death of a loved one.
As for my friend’s birthday party, I don’t think I’m going. I am in no mood for a party. Plus there will be one or two people with whom I don’t really get along, and given my present state of mind, the results would be disastrous. I am a danger right now, and the best thing for me to do would be to refrain from any social interaction until I can get help. It’s also best that I stay away from this forum as well, until said time.
See what happens when you don’t dress? If you have the time and the opportunity, please go out, be feminine, and be free. Don’t wind up like me. If any of you would like to reach me for whatever reason, don’t send a PM. E mail me instead.
rdartigu@optonline.net
Be well, and enjoy your holidays.
Sincerely,
- Rick
PS – Donna, I especially owe you an apology for what I said. And if you really want the Hooters outfit, I would be happy to send it to you.
Donna your response was well played