Talk about anything else: your pets, your car, movies, celebrities, or other things you like. As a reminder, political and religious discussions do not belong in here, nor any other topics that may incite a heated debate! As always keep it clean, please.
This is primarily for you newbies out there. And I know that this issue has been discussed before, but it still remains true.
I have YET to compliment a new member here without her getting all weird about it, or misinterpreting a simple COMPLIMENT. Perhaps I should cease to compliment anyone any further.
Why are compliments so hard to take for so many here? Would people be more comfortable with insults? Is that it?
All I ask is that someone please shed some light on this - and yes, there are SEVERAL of you here. And you know who you are. There is no need for me to mention names, which I will NOT do. Newbies, I'm talking to YOU!
If there's any time someone might not be able to take a compliment it's when they are a newbie.
If they are getting weirded out about it, then I agree you should probably stop, but that doesn't mean you can't ask why.
It's ok for people to not share their feelings or to be shy here. Regulars tend to be a little more candid or newbies that are members of other forums tend to be more candid, but newbies are newbies. I know I can relate.
If they answer they answer, but if they don't I think it should be expected as they are most likely super shy or afraid right now. I remember when I was. On your forum I remember the only thing that got me to respond is that you kicked out people who didn't. That was cool because if you didn't I never would have said anything. I was a lurker for sure.
I hope you get some answers. If you don't though, please let 'em off easy. Newbies aren't on the hook for replying only for trying to learn more about themselves and even that isn't something we make them do.
I guess that I do not qualify as a "newbie", but...
You have to remember that most of cd/tg folks were raised in a rather masculine world. And as men, we are (normally) just not used to be complimented on how we look.
Also... if that particular individual still has issues of self-acceptance, it is very likely that being told that he looks nice as a woman may cause some very mixed emotions. One one side, it will be really nice and a validation. On the other side, "the guy side" may feel treathened by it.
And you can't deny that over the internet, more often than none people who tells you "how pretty you are" usually follow up with things like "I would like to park my shoes under your bed anytime"
There must be many other reasons, so lets see what others may have to add.
Accepting compliments can be difficult, especially for someone that is unsure of themselves. Newbies are just that, new. There is still a distance between them and current members. Since compliments close that gap, it may become a boundary issue for the newbie and be seen as too close, too fast.
Originally I was not going to reply to this because you stated that you were talking to newbies.
I think that I have probably been guilty of not replying to a compliment, although I think I try to give some kind of recognition.
However when I give a compliment it is free no strings attached. It is meant to be a benefit to the party being complimented, as opposed to benefiting me. Therefore I am not disappointed if I don’t get a response.
Well I'm defiately not a newbie here but I can remember the compliments at the start of my time here and the compliments THROUGHOUT my time here .
All I can say is THANKS!
The thing that struck me in my early days here was the difference to my male role, as a male I cannot recall ANY time in my life I have ever been complimented about anything .....( serious ) .
As a male everyone does nothing but pick at my cloths , my hair was too long and now they complain its too short , pick on my body size etc etc etc so forth and so on and so on.
When I started here recieving compliments was a bit of an emotional shock , simply I was not used to people saying NICE things about me.
i would have to support the general theme that my sisters have stated. That the "newbies" here are not only dealing with "I can't believe I found this site - how wonderful!" but they are, as has been stated - are still in male mode and compliments are strange to many of us, Whereas for the female it is just so natural to praise someone's clothing, apperance, scent, etc. It's wonderful to reach out to someone new and to note that they are trying and in a lot of cases have achieved a level of attitude and /or appearance and to compliment them - heartfelt! It is just difficult for the male ego to truly accept it ---- initially! Buy the way Lorna, you look MAVELOUS, Honey!!
Love ya,
Virgina
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
That was cool because if you didn't I never would have said anything. I was a lurker for sure.
