Forum Direction?

[Loretta Ann]

Beauty....

A post of mine where I responded to Beth was recently moved into the Hot topics area. Where she can not access it being as she is not a member of that section.

You also added a post (in that thread you created) responding to her that she will be unable to read???

What gives?

You also locked a thread that you felt was religious (after warning us not to turn it into that) that contained no flaming what so ever. In fact I thought every one who responded was quite mature in the way they posted.

In fact I saw it as having more to do with what some of the people with in certain groups were like as opposed to being religious.

I am not complaining here. The reason I am requesting information about this is so that I can determine if this forum is becoming yet another closet.

I have seen posts that say some of us cross dressers have no other social life, and expect these forums to provide an avenue that will facilitate that.

If that is the direction this forum is headed I would have to question and reassess what my in put will be.

Thanks in advance.

[Beauty]

Hi Loretta Ann,

The forum is the same, but if you feel you don't like a direction that you think we are taking I understand.

Beth posted about breast forms and wanted opinions, when I posted about her weight that was another topic that became a debate. So I moved it to Hot Topics. I did respond to Beth in that new thread that she can't read, but if she wanted to read what I said she'd ask for access to Hot Topics.

The thread I locked, despite my request to not turn it into a religious thread, wasn't initially about what it turned into and so it was locked.

Hot Topics is not for arguments, it's for discussions that must be a civil as they are on any other part of the forum. It's an area where we allow religious discussions. The rest of the forum is not for those discussions. We've beaten this dead horse for over 2 years. So if you want to discuss religion talk about it in Hot Topics.

Just becasuse you say you're not complaining doesn't make it sound like less of a complaint. It sounds like you're complaining and threatening that you may have to re-evaluate your participation here if certain things are a certain way. You know my stance on that. We love you, but if the forum is no longer valuable for you then we respect your right to choose to leave.

We are not here to do anything other than be a support forum. We are not here to do anything, but give people a chance to talk about themselves and experiences they've had. We are here to let SOs read things and participate. We are here for the newbies. We will not be able to please everyone and to that we are sorry, but we do our best.

Lastly, if anyone really wants to talk about issues like this about the forum, that are personal in nature, can you please not call me out to speak to the public about this? Please PM me and I'll be happy to reply. This seems like nit picking or a passive aggressive attempt to express your feelings about the forum and ask for changes while asking them in a way that seems like you're asking for clarification. It makes me have to defend the forum over your personal perceptions. You can say you're making a point and not complaining, but a duck is a duck and this post was a complaint tossed in with some valid questioins.

So I'm asking anyone else if you have a post like this and you look at it and you wonder if it's something that should be asked in private. Go for the private discussion. I'll be the first one to tell you your questions should be posted on the forum.

However, since the ability to make this a private discussion is no longer valid, please feel free to chime in with your opinions. I'd be more than happy to listen... ok, I'll listen, but I won't be more than happy.

Thanks.

[Loretta Ann]

Hi Beauty,

Hot Topics is not for arguments, it's for discussions that must be a civil as they are on any other part of the forum. It's an area where we allow religious discussions. The rest of the forum is not for those discussions. We've beaten this dead horse for over 2 years. So if you want to discuss religion talk about it in Hot Topics.

Thank you for the public clarification... I would never have guessed that... judging from the past content of the hot topics... some of it was very uncivil.

Just because you say you're not complaining doesn't make it sound like less of a complaint. It sounds like you're complaining and threatening that you may have to re-evaluate your participation here if certain things are a certain way. You know my stance on that. We love you, but if the forum is no longer valuable for you then we respect your right to choose to leave.

I am some what surprised that you don't know me better than that by now. One thing you are about to find out is that I do not threaten. That translates into a whiner, something I have no stomach for.

I chose to call you out publicly on this issue, because I believe it is your responsibility to be clear (publicly) about the kind of place you wish to run, so that others can make an educated decision as to whether they want to put any of their energy into it. How you wish to read that is not my problem.

To put it in other words you are the Captain of this ship. I want no part of that. But you need to let us know (publicly) where you are headed so that we can decide if we want to sail along with you. And that is not a threat. That is your responsibility.

Thank you...it has been fun.

[Eva]

Now, I'm not involved in any of this but I don't get it either. Is there something wrong with complaining?

[GalicianGirl(SO)]

Since I'm the other Admin/Mod and co-founder of this forum, I guess I will say something on the matter and try to clear a few things up.

First of all the forum has not changed other then a few areas have been turned into private usergroups. The SO area for one and also Hot Topics.

In the SO area, the reason for that was because SO's felt they could not talk freely without getting chastised by some of our CD members.

The Hot Topics area was designed for civilized discussions about topics that were more intense then on the rest of the forum but that area turned into a real boxing match which upset quite a few members so we decided to make it private also.

Unfortuneately, in the beginning, we learned the hard way by keeping the Hot Topics area out where everyone could post and all we did was constantly lock and delete posts because members started bashing each other and that is not the way we wanted the forum to go.

So any post that looks like it is headed for some heated dicussion will automatically be put into the Hot Topics area. If you have been a posting member for at least a month and want to be part of the Hot Topics usergroup, just let Gracie or myself know and we will add your name to the list.

This is a support forum for CD's, SO's, their family members, and friends. We want to keep this a good, clean, safe place where members can get together to chat and dicuss issues that are important to them.

Thanks,
Sharon(SO)

[CJ]

Hi all,

Although Gracie and Sharon have both made themselves heard very clearly on this matter, I just want to add my own little tidbit.

I don't think it's the case that any one person here can ever be held responsible for the direction the forum is going. That "direction" is largely the result of the chemistry that exists between the multi-hued personalities of the forum members. Sometimes, that chemistry results in the sweetest osmosis and sometimes it results in a more or less self-contained (and usually benign) explosion. Such explosions are why the Hot Topic area exists (although it would appear all the beakers and test tubes are empty these days ).

Eva,

As Gracie said, it's not the complaining that's a problem; it's the "calling out"--the targeting of a specific person whom we wish to see justify herself publicly concerning an administrative matter we may have taken an exception to. This is especially unpleasant when we hand that person a sugar-coated goat food pellet and tell her it's just a Smarties.

Just like in regard to what a crossdresser does, the forum itself may not be to everyone's liking; those of us who choose to stay here and participate know that and accept it. We will never love anyone any the less if they find this support site not to their liking and decide to leave. Live and let live. The rules are there for a good reason, not on a whim.

Love,
CJ

[Celia]

I was reluctant to bring this up (which is why I haven't, up to this point), but this thread has brought back to mind something that left me feeling a little perplexed. In September, a post of mine from one of the Katrina threads was moved to Hot Topics (link to said post here). It was arguably an appropriate move (though I must admit to feeling a little startled at the time). But then, a little more than a month later, I encountered the following post at the end of the Why do we live where we live? thread. It doesn't exactly shy away from political (or even religious) opinion. Further, it uses a four-letter word that it wouldn't occur to me to try even in Hot Topics, let alone in open forum. I'm not suggesting that it be moved (it's obviously not my call, and it's fallen off the front page in any case); but how, again, are these decisions made? Is the controversy I sense in this post nonexistent?

-Celia

[Sally]

I've ceased posting here some time ago (although I do come and read occaisonally) because I've believed for quite some time that the forum was becoming, and has become too sanitised and restrictive, but that's only my opinion of course and I acknowledge that the forum owners have the right to do as they see fit.

I just thought I'd throw in my five cents worth, even though it's of little value.

As always, I wish everyone well and never intend to offend.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[Beauty]

Hola,

Keep it coming.. get it all out.

[Beauty]

Hi,

You know after reading these things I kind of feel responsible for a lot of the decisions being made that are subjective.

I've been thinking about stepping down for several months, but each time I pulled back from the ledge because I thought it would be reactionary, or acts of drama by me, but after 2 1/2 years I think it's time for those who don't follow direction to a tee the way I do.

This isn't my forum, but I do what I'm told is the way the forum is supposed to be run. Nevertheless, maybe I'm treating it or taking it too seriously.

Stephanie W has accepted a role as a moderator and I think CJ, Shephanie, Sharon, and Shannon will change this place to maybe something less restrictive.

I promise I'm not upset. I'm tired. This forum can survive without me and I've shown that before when I've stepped away for periods of time and it will live long beyond me because of the great people here.

When awesome members like Sally say they don't visit for whatever reason it's time to re-evaluate. I think it will be easier to re-evaluate without my input.

To anyone I've offended I'm sorry, to anyone who doesn't like me, I'm sorry. I wish you all well, no matter what!

[Lorna]

Hi Gracie, you have no need to apologize - to anyone.

To the rest of you I have something to say.

I don’t understand why complaints here tend to run so rampant, especially in a privately moderated forum whereas none of us has to pay for access. Therefore I view this forum as if I were entering someone’s private home. In other words there are things that common sense alone would dictate that I would just not say or do, which includes upsetting my hosts, or questioning anything that they do or say. It's THEIR house. They're free to run THEIR house as THEY please.

I'm not paying them to be nice to me; they are doing so out of their own free will. I would show nothing but appreciation if my host were working very hard to make me comfortable. Otherwise if I don't like something then I simply leave.

But as of late, in many a thread, we have members complaining about this and that, moderators running around nonstop, editing, deleting, settling arguments and fights, as if they were some sort of virtual “customer service reps”. This is THEIR forum and we are all invited GUESTS, not "paying customers" in any sense. Moderating this forum is not their "job". They all have day jobs, families and lives like you and I.

None of the mods get paid to deal with all the crap that they do. They are hosts. They are not here to kiss our butts. If anything we ought to be kissing theirs, since they were nice enough to put all of their time and effort into creating a forum for us. And what do we do? We piss & moan everytime somethimg rubs us the wrong way, as if we have a say. Please.

If I’m inviting you into my house, I know that jumping on my couch with muddy shoes isn’t against the law. However I would still reserve the right to kick you out into the street.

Think about it.

[Virginia]

Amen Lorna!!!!!!
Virginia

[Celia]

Beauty,

I'm sorry about this - I certainly didn't intend to drive you off. It's just that, though I thought I'd put the matter behind me, this thread kind of brought it up again. I suppose it's not terribly consequential. People have posts moved to Hot Topics all the time. Sometimes things have to be done in the interest of maintaining the peace. I really wish I hadn't posted the above. I feel I've done something awful. I hope you'll accept my apologies.

Yours,
Celia

[Jadeanne]

with Lorna and Virginia

Jadeanne

[Absaroka]

Gracie I want to publicly say that I think you have done a very good job of moderating the forums and I appreciate all your work. THe question of moderating sometimes contentious subjects can be confusing and I think you found a good balance. Thank you so much for all your work and the 4 people who are replacing you will find that they have their work cut out for them.

I do think that no matter how good a job one does eventually in things like this it is time for a change. I will be looking forward to your participation as a member

Andrea