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Hi Girls
Sometimes in life you have to do what is right. My only sibling,Christine called from Maine this morning and unfortunately is coming down on saturday for a few days. She says to me" Call the cemetary and make an appointment to have Dad's ashes buried when I come down."
I have my Father's ashes in the shop in a box that I made especially for him. My Dad loved the shop and we worked together for 37 years. This is where he belongs ladies. My sister has come down once a year from Maine for three days and she thinks she is the boss.
I just went down the shop, got out the piece of crap plastic box the funeral home gave me and filled it with a bag of Marley's dog food and sealed it with epoxy glue.
There is no way my Dad Louie wants to be in the cold ,nasty backside ground. He was a printer Carol Ann and will stay right over the stone that he used to make up those fabulous linotype forms. I know you'll understand Hon. My sister has no clue. Hugs.

Love
Jeannie

Ever consider taking a tablespoon of those ashes and adding it to the mix?

I know this sounds bad but she gets to bury dad in her wishes (even thought a small part) and with a good conscience you both get your wish.The majority of Dad stays with you and Sis gets some too. I'm sure Dad would want you both to be happy and to share right. Here everybody wins and no feelings get hurt.

I'm sure I will get a woodshed on this too but a parent loves his kids equally and would want to make both happy and see both happy.

Ultimately its your decision and family feud. Just my $0.02

Jeannie, You know I am behind you 110%, you go girl! It would seem to be his wish that he keep an eye on you and its hard to do in the dirt!

Don't give in on this one like you did with the second turkey!!!!

Love ya, hon!

Virginia

Hi Christine K
Family dynamics are wonderful. Every family I know is dysfunctional. My sister went to college and blew out of here and never really came back.
It's the same when a parent dies. All the siblings who moved away come back and tell there brother or sisters who still have a relationship with their parents what they thought that Mom and Dad really wanted.
I saw it when my wife Mini's parents died. Mini's brothers are millionaires and had minimal contact with their parents. Mini and I would take her Dad to Kidney dialysis,her Mom to all her doctor appointments for congestive heart failure and Mini's Mom and Dad put their modest house in Mini's name and some banks accounts.
When they died her brothers came out of the woodwork and said"I know Mom and Dad would want to split everything three ways" Everything was in my wife's name and the will was very specific but our lawyer who is a longtime friend said" I see this all the time. Just give them what they want or they will hate you forever."
Mini gave the proceeds from the sale of the house to her brother Joe who retired at 45 and lives in a 2.5 million dollar home on Marthas Vineyard and her brother Ralph who builds high end homes and lives in a 1.5 million dollar home in Washington Ct got most of the cash.
The assets meant nothing to me or Mini. Wealth and power is a disease that has no boundaries or self respect. True colors always shine through.

Love
Jeannie

Jeannie, you are so right! I don't want to go into one upsmanship, but the things I could tell about my family and its history. I do have one claim to fame, in that there was a "rumor" that my great-grandmother ran a "cat house" for primarily, railroad workers at one time, need I say more!

I only saw my half-brother twice in my life. The second time was when our grandmother died and like your family it was only to get a handout and he disappeared again! He was not even around when our mother died.

There is no doubt that these are the "incidents" that form us and make us the way we are, on a relationship level anyway!

I don't know about the old adage, "Money is not the most important thing, but it is far ahead of whatever is in second place!"

Love you, my friend!!!!

Virginia

Jeannie wrote:I just went down the shop, got out the piece of crap plastic box the funeral home gave me and filled it with a bag of Marley's dog food and sealed it with epoxy glue.

I agree with your actions, hon, but I make one recommendation: be sure to grind up the dry dog food so that it doesn't rattle around or feel lumpy (should she shake or open the container/bag).

Oh, yeah . . . be sure to hide the real remains of Louie very carefully, just in case someone decides to do a search when you're not around. Knowing Ginny-Wops, and Sicilians, you can never be too careful, hon!

Love ya, girlfriend!!

- SL

I'm with your Dad on this one! I've made sure people know that I don't want my ashes put in the dirty, wormy ground.....Eurgghhh! I hate worms and creepy crawlies.....I want to be in a nice wooden box indoors to keep a watch over everyone

The dog food idea is great, your sister will never know so will be happy too!

Love,
Curly

Jeannie when my father in law died his ashes were divided 3 ways between his wife and two kids. Our third is in our flower garden except for a very tiny amount that got licked off of our fingers when we buried him.

Here's the thing. I think you are right but I also think that might not be the most important thing. To me there is something about the untruth of giving someone dog food and saying they are ashes when they are not. It's the sort of gigantic lie you can never untell if you change your mind later, although I realize you do not think you will want to do this. I would think (and I know my opinion was unsolicited but after all what did you think would happen when you posted this) that you should either tell your sister that you think your father would have prefered his ashes to be kept in what used to be his shop, a place he loved and which means a lot to you, or else divide the ashes. It would be easier to make peace over a disagreement than to make peace over a lie of this magnitude should it be discovered, and after all what's a little arguement between siblings about what to do with dad's ashes. Not the sort of thing I would expect you to shy away from and I'm truthfully a tad surprised that you aren't just saying what you think about this to all involved. What if your sister looks inside the container? Ashes don't look or taste or weigh or feel anything like dog food. Another thought is what happens someday when you die? You will want it to be known by someone that these were your fathers ashes so they don't get tossed in the garbage, so this can't be a secret.

Lastly I never knew your father, haven't heard you talk much about him. But my totally uninformed opinion is that most parents wouldn't want their children lying to each other about their ashes or telling each other that a bunch of dog food is really their ashes.

Just my opinion. Do with it what you want.

Absaroka

Very wise words Absaroka

Jeannie wrote:Family dynamics are wonderful. Every family I know is dysfunctional. My sister went to college and blew out of here and never really came back.

Jeannie, you are far wiser than your incredible sense of humor ever shows. Some families are more dysfunctional than others. Some love to celebrate the 'fun' in dysfunctional. Some are so normal as to be aggravating, I'd suppose. Say "Hi!" to your dad for me, after Sis leaves town.

Hi Jeannie,
I am with you,keep your Dad where he would want to be.If your sister really cared about it I think she would agree with you also.

Thanks for your input but my Dad Louie is not going anywhere. I called the cemetary and his box will be interned on tuesday when my sister is here from Maine.
It's a win win situation. My sister ,Christine will be happy and so will I! Better yet the owner of the cemetary Fran is a friend of mine. He not only owns the cemetary but an auto body shop up the street and leases property to Rite Aid,The US Post office and owns tons of real estate in Waterbury.
His dad,George, who is 92, and is still working. Fran understands.
My accountants wife is his sister Bethy and I went to school with all of Fran's brothers and sisters.
Fran is a worker bee like his dad and Louie. He understands where I'm coming from.He was telling me about his new Ferrari Spider. Add that to his two Vipers,two Split window 63 Corvettes, a new ZO 6 Corvette,a Bentley Arnage and a few 67 Corvettes with 427,dual quad,side pipes and knock off wheels convertables.
Never underestimate the power of networking and never burn your bridges. It's suicide ladies. Hugs.

Love
Auntie Jeannie